Buzz
Though I appreciate the concept of affirmations, I’ve always felt a bit cheesy saying “I can do it!” or other forms of positive self-talk that are meant to encourage me. I own a pair of shoes with “I am enough” printed inside, but they actually make me frustrated every time I see them. It’s as if someone else is telling me what to think. If I’m going to say something that starts with “I,” it has to be a thought I genuinely believe in, not a pre-written motivational phrase.
If you also cringe at “I am...” or “I can...” statements, there’s a more effective method: Talk to yourself like you would a friend. Instead of a one-sided monologue (“I can do this, I’m strong...”), approach it as though you’re giving advice to someone else.
Studies support the notion that “distancing” yourself in self-talk can make it more impactful. The easiest way to do this is by switching from “I” to “you.” But why stop there? Instead of just changing the words, guide yourself through the process by explaining exactly how to tackle the challenge at hand.
You're here because you know what you're doing. Your experience and knowledge have prepared you to navigate the challenge you’ve set for yourself. Recognize that strength within, and allow the confident part of you to offer encouragement to the part that may have doubts.
Imagine yourself both as a coach and an athlete.
For instance, if I’m about to embark on a long run and feel anxious about the distance, my coach-self reassures my runner-self: 'Start slow on the first mile. It’s just a warm-up, and it’s fine if you walk a bit. But you likely won’t need to. By the time we reach the second mile, we’ll check our pace and decide if adjustments are necessary.'
There are times when I adopt the 'we' perspective, as though my coach-self is guiding both of us to the finish line. At other times, I prefer more direct instructions, using the second person to guide myself and set rules: 'You are running eight miles today. You may take part of the route through the trails behind the baseball field, but you must complete one loop of the paved path first. You’ve got enough water for the entire journey, but feel free to stop and refill at the water fountain if needed—just make it quick so you don’t lose too much time.'
There’s a sense of calm in this process. My inner athlete trusts my inner coach, knowing everything is mapped out. And when the challenges arise, I can shift away from my body’s 'I can’t' and take on the role of the coach, saying, 'Yes, you can.' That’s the message I can believe in.
