Buzz
Picture a gathering where everyone is required to arrive and depart simultaneously, with some guests only allowed to converse with a select few throughout the evening. And at the end, there’s a mystery charge (ranging from $20 to $80) that every attendee must cover. Welcome to a group dinner at a restaurant!
Large group dinners tend to be a dream for the organizer but a nightmare for everyone else. They're typically arranged by those who want to bring together their friends without the hassle of hosting a full-fledged party. Because these events are often for special occasions, they're almost always socially obligatory. Here’s how to survive the ordeal.
This is how the ruling classes keep us down, and it is how you get the good seat.
Arrive early
Yes, drag this event out even longer. Show up early and grab a drink (or a soda) at the bar, and if you have friends coming too, tell them to show up with you. This way you can gather your ideal table neighbors before everyone is seated.
The problem with group seating is that while everyone wants to sit next to the “host” or the guest of honor, they are only allowed to get so pushy about it. Decorum demands that no one openly argues for the good seats. But you can bypass decorum if everyone thinks you have some right to the good seats, because you are already in the middle of a conversation with the guest of honor, and you wish to continue it. You have established seniority by showing up early.
People are afraid to protest an unfair situation if it seems like the natural order. Our simple monkey brains are OK with everyone competing for limited resources, but not OK with taking resources from someone who hoarded them, and redistributing them equally. This is how the ruling classes keep us down, and it is how you get the good seat.
It’s also how you apply social lubricant before the toughest part of the evening, when everyone’s sitting around an empty table. So if you end up next to the wrong people, at least you’ll be less shy.
Share everything
Dividing a restaurant bill is always tricky. Should you split it equally for simplicity, annoy the staff with separate checks, or attempt to calculate everyone's share of tax and tip? The larger the group, the less likely it is that everyone has enough cash for the meal, or that people can 'pick up the tab next time.'
Group dinners at restaurants are often tied to birthdays, and this doubles the headache. It's considered good manners for the birthday person not to pay for their own meal, even if they chose the pricey spot. While this type of person doesn’t deserve to have more birthdays, we're not here to provide advice on stopping that. Instead, we’ll help you manage the financial burden.
Since everyone will have to pitch in for the bill, why not share the meal as well? Opt for wines, appetizers, and main courses to share, going full family-style. This way, the only fair way to divide the bill is by splitting it evenly. It won’t be flawless—some might insist on paying for their own drinks separately from the wine—but it simplifies one part of the financial conversation. You can introduce this idea right at the start of the meal—both for sharing food and splitting the bill—so everyone knows what's coming. Even if the restaurant doesn’t usually serve family-style, suggest it and see if you can get everyone to agree beforehand.
Start a game
Even if you've claimed a good seat and resolved the looming financial dilemma, dinner conversation can still be uncomfortable. People might withdraw into their phones, and once one person does it, everyone else follows, making it harder to reengage in conversation. This is exactly why cheesy games were invented.
If you notice someone about to check their phone, call out 'phone time!' and let everyone check together. (A friend of a friend once saw Leonardo DiCaprio do this.) Then introduce the game: 'Alright, in two minutes, everyone needs to share the most interesting thing they've seen on their phone.' Or, 'When we're done, I want to see the funniest picture saved on your phones.' It's a little goofy and awkward, but it transforms phones from a distraction into conversation starters. Everyone has something interesting or funny saved on their phone, and now you've got fresh conversation topics—things people have specifically chosen for their potential interest.
You can pair this with another one of our favorite group-dinner tricks: the contest for the last bite of food. The person with the funniest thing on their phone gets the last spanakopita.
Skip it
If a close friend invites you to a large group dinner and you feel guilty about turning it down, don’t! Plan a different date to go for drinks or a one-on-one dinner. By opting out, you've actually made the group dinner more manageable for everyone else.
You could even get wild and offer to host. Turn it into a potluck. Sure, you'll take on a new set of challenges, but it beats figuring out 11 separate checks after spending an hour next to someone's cousin.
