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When it comes to finances, many of us operate from a set of negative beliefs that can hinder our wealth-building. While it’s challenging to break these habits, it’s certainly possible. That’s what we’ll be addressing this week.
Every Monday, we address one of your most pressing personal finance questions by consulting a panel of money experts for their advice. If you have any general money concerns or just want to discuss anything related to personal finance, feel free to leave a comment or email me at [email protected].
This week’s question comes from Kristin:
I grew up in a family that struggled financially and was terrible with money, but I’ve managed to turn things around—buying a house, clearing my credit card and consumer debts, and even starting to save for retirement. I’ve also worked hard to secure a well-paying job. The issue is that I feel completely lost when it comes to making my money work for me, and I’m paralyzed by fear when it comes to finding a trustworthy financial advisor. I’ve read the articles on how to choose a reliable advisor, but I’m still terrified that it could all go wrong. At the same time, I’m equally afraid of the consequences if I don’t find an advisor.
Is it OK to begin with the people at my credit union? What should I be cautious of? More broadly, how can I escape a poverty mindset and learn to manage money without constantly feeling anxious about it?
This is the general advice from experts on a topic that impacts each person differently—if you're looking for tailored guidance, consulting a financial planner is your best bet.
Shifting Your Money Mindset
The challenging part of your question, Kristin, isn't about finding a financial advisor—that process is relatively straightforward (and I'll outline the steps for you soon). The deeper issue at play seems to be your relationship with money.
Changing our money mindset isn't easy—the lessons and experiences we gain in childhood often shape us for life. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible to develop healthier habits, as you've already demonstrated with your progress.
First, acknowledge the impressive progress you’ve made: owning a home, being debt-free, and having a growing retirement account are significant achievements. You should be proud of yourself. Given everything you’ve accomplished so far, there's no reason to think you'd undo it all now.
What I sense is that you're lacking confidence in your ability to manage your finances and make decisions beyond the basics, such as which retirement account to choose—a feeling you’ve mentioned is rooted in your upbringing.
But becoming “good” at personal finance doesn’t require any extraordinary skill set. You don’t have to be paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes to the point where you do nothing, or just stick with what feels safe (like your credit union). Research is necessary, yes, but it’s something anyone can do. What you're really lacking is the confidence to take action. Likely, you're afraid of returning to the situation you faced growing up. That’s a valid concern, and I understand your caution.
However, this mindset isn’t healthy—it's limiting your financial potential and, more importantly, contributing to the stress you're clearly experiencing. Gaining confidence won’t happen overnight, but we have a few resources that might help you:
Transform Your Money Habits By Rewriting Your Money Story
This is a multi-step process that can help you rewrite your negative financial beliefs. I suggest picking up Amanda Steinberg’s book mentioned in the post (she covers a similar cycle to what you’re experiencing) or at least visit her website, Daily Worth.
How Your Mindset Shapes Your Financial Situation
Some detrimental money habits are deeply ingrained in our brains.
The Mindset Shift That Will Help You Break Free from Debt
How practicing gratitude can assist in changing your financial habits.
View Money as a Tool, Not a Goal
Viewing money in strict black-and-white terms will only lead to guilt.
You Don’t Need More Financial Advice, You Just Need Advice You Can Connect With
It’s in the title—if the financial advice you’re reading makes you feel anxious or negative, it’s time to look for advice that resonates with you.
This is just the beginning, though. The right financial advisor might help shift your money mindset—and you should be cautious about simply trusting whoever works at your local credit union.
Choosing a Financial Advisor
You shouldn’t worry about picking the “wrong” advisor who will ruin your finances—there are plenty of great ones out there. However, you will need to do your research.
The most important factor to consider when selecting an advisor is that they are a fiduciary, meaning they are legally required to put your interests first. They are usually “fee-only,” meaning they don’t earn commissions from recommending financial products.
As I wrote earlier,
Some fiduciaries may specialize in specific areas—like a Registered Investment Advisor, who focuses on investment advice, rather than broader financial guidance. Certified Financial Planners (CFPs, certified by the Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards), however, can help develop a comprehensive financial plan covering everything from saving and investing to insurance, taxes, retirement, and estate planning. They are required to disclose any potential conflicts of interest before providing advice and also need to explain how they are compensated.
These advisors differ from broker-dealers or “fee-based” advisors (yes, the naming convention is intentionally confusing and almost identical to fee-only).
You can find an advisor who fits your needs through the Garrett Planning Network, the Financial Planning Association, or the National Association of Personal Financial Advisors.
Another option worth considering is seeing a money therapist or coach, if it’s within your budget. These professionals focus less on things like estate planning and more on your emotional relationship with money—like the confidence you lack and the “poverty mentality” you mentioned. Sessions with a therapist may help you “identify what aspects of your upbringing, your beliefs about money, or your relationship with money are causing you stress, undermining you, or keeping you stuck,” as Brad Klontz, a psychologist and financial planner, told Money Magazine. Essentially, it's a more structured way of rewriting your money scripts.
Financial therapy is a newer (and still small) field, but it could be worth exploring. You can find a qualified therapist in your state by visiting the Financial Therapy Association’s website.
I’d also recommend finding a supportive community, even if it’s just online. Reddit has several personal finance subreddits that are welcoming and diverse, with people from all backgrounds. Engaging with them or simply reading their stories might inspire you on your financial journey.
Wishing you all the best!
