Buzz
We've all been in situations where we commit to plans only to later realize we don't want to follow through. Backing out without coming across as inconsiderate can be tricky. While avoiding such commitments is ideal, if you must cancel, here’s how to do it with tact.
Even the most reliable people occasionally need to cancel plans. Whether it’s due to an unavoidable circumstance or simply a lack of enthusiasm, the approach remains the same: start with a genuine apology.
Offer a Sincere Apology
Whether you’re canceling well in advance or at the last moment, it’s important to apologize for any inconvenience caused. What might seem trivial to you could be a significant time commitment for your friend. As etiquette expert Emily Adamiani puts it:
Whenever you cancel plans, an apology is essential, regardless of your sincerity. You’ve taken up someone’s time, and they’ve likely adjusted their schedule to accommodate you. Acknowledging this is crucial.
Accept that canceling plans might make you seem inconsiderate. Offer a heartfelt apology, and they’ll be more inclined to understand your situation. This brings us to the next point. Photo by Andrew Yee.
Be Honest and Avoid Fabricating Excuses
To maintain trust with friends and colleagues, honesty is key when canceling plans. Inventing a far-fetched excuse will only worsen the situation, especially if the lie is uncovered.
Lying provides reasons for others to distrust you, and worse, it creates a fictional narrative you’ll need to remember. Instead, be truthful, no matter how trivial it may seem. For example, you could say, "I just feel like staying in and relaxing right now." If it’s a genuine emergency, honesty is still the best policy. However, avoid mentioning plans with someone else. As etiquette expert Emily Post explains:
The individual you’ve canceled on might feel like they’re not a priority, particularly if it seems like you’re more excited about the new plans than spending time with them.
While it’s understandable to avoid mixing different friend groups, always strive to remain truthful. Photo by Wonderlane.
Propose an Alternative Plan
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably agreed to activities you don’t enjoy because you got caught up in the moment. When the time arrives, you might realize it’s not your thing. While sticking to the plan is ideal, if you can’t, suggest an alternative. For example, if you agreed to visit an amusement park but later recall you dislike them, propose an activity that suits both you and your friend. If that doesn’t work, consider meeting up later.
Reschedule (or Don’t)
Often, when canceling plans last minute, you might have a valid reason. In such cases, it’s a good idea to propose rescheduling for another day or time. It’s a straightforward but important reminder.
However, there are times when you realize you shouldn’t have made the plans in the first place. Maybe you’ve come to the conclusion that you don’t actually want to spend time with the person. In these situations, it’s tempting to keep postponing or canceling plans to avoid hurting their feelings. If this sounds familiar, it might be time to rethink how you manage your commitments.
Psychology Today suggests that it’s worth examining your behavior:
You might have a genuine conflict or a real illness. However, more often than not, we’re simply tired and trying to justify our lack of motivation. Worse yet, some people habitually say "Maybe" or even "Yes" to every invitation, only to back out when something more appealing comes up. Ask yourself honestly: Did you ever truly intend to follow through? If the answer is no, it’s time to change your approach.
As Psychology Today highlights, the issue might lie in your behavior, but it’s also worth evaluating the friendship itself. If you frequently cancel plans with the same person, it’s likely you don’t genuinely enjoy their company. Photo by Alfonso Surroca.
Additional Tips From Readers
I asked for your input to gather creative solutions or alternative suggestions. While most responses emphasized not canceling at all, a few other ideas stood out.
Dustin Luck emphasizes the importance of prompt communication:
Reach out immediately, apologize, and explain your reason (if necessary). Try to reschedule if you can.
Coco Davies highlights the importance of valuing your time and being mindful when committing to plans:
Avoid overcommitting. Stay reliable. Be upfront with your friends about your availability, and let them know if you can’t follow through.
When all else fails, Dale Satterly recommends the classic excuse:
Two words: stomach trouble.
The ultimate goal is to avoid making plans you can’t honor, but life happens, and unexpected situations arise. What about you? How do you cancel plans without losing your friends?
Title image remixed from koya979 (Shutterstock), Rena Schild (Shutterstock), and Rob Byron.
