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While it’s challenging to find any positives in a global health crisis that has tragically claimed over 566,000 lives in the U.S., certain aspects of the public health guidelines have offered unexpected conveniences for some.
From the flexibility of remote work to having a valid reason to skip social gatherings, there have likely been moments when social distancing and restrictions on large events made life a bit simpler. These measures might have even spared you from attending events you weren’t keen on in the first place.
Regardless of your inclination to socialize, you might still feel justified in your concerns about attending in-person events and may be unsure how to respond to the invitations that are slowly coming in. Fortunately, many people in your circle will likely be empathetic and understanding.
Some individuals, however, might challenge your decision and argue why their event is safe—often citing reasons like “it’s outdoors, everyone will wear masks, and we’ll be extremely cautious.” While their points may seem valid, the answer is still no. Here are some strategies to help you navigate the conversation while politely declining their invitation.
Yes, the pandemic is still very much a reality
In 2020, most people understood and accepted that avoiding the spread or contraction of a deadly virus was a valid reason to skip events like weddings, graduations, birthdays, or Thanksgiving dinners. However, with the COVID-19 vaccine rollout underway, many now believe the crisis is over and life has returned to normal.
We won’t delve into all the reasons why this isn’t true here (less than 25% of the population is fully vaccinated!), but if someone tries to convince you with lines like “COVID is practically over, and most attendees will have at least one vaccine dose,” don’t let them pressure you into attending. You’re not being overly cautious, exaggerating the risks, or ignoring the need for life to return to normal. Just wanted to clarify that upfront.
You might be trying to avoid confrontation
Informing your cousin that you won’t be attending her wedding is challenging on multiple levels, and for many, this includes the stress of potential conflict. In an article for Well+Good, Mary Grace Garis consulted psychologist Dr. Aimee Daramus, who notes that your capacity to manage stress—especially the kind arising from possible disagreements—is likely quite limited at the moment.
Beyond not wanting to damage your relationship with your cousin, you might also feel unprepared to take on additional risks—such as, for instance, spreading or catching a deadly virus. However, don’t let this solely dictate your decision. “Though it’s difficult, avoid letting politics or your friends’ opinions influence your health choices—unless they’re experts in virology or risk management—because a virus doesn’t care about popularity,” Daramus explained to Well+Good.
How to politely decline event invitations
As advised by Diane Gottsman, a national etiquette expert and author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life—who was also interviewed by Garis—it’s best to have the difficult conversation (or send a decline message) as soon as you can. Keep your response “brief, kind, and courteous.”
Struggling to find the right words? Gottsman offers this example script that, with slight adjustments as necessary, could serve as a helpful guide:
“I wanted to reach out personally to thank you for inviting me. Regrettably, I’m still not at ease with traveling or being in crowded settings at this time. I truly appreciate your understanding and want you to know that I’m sending my best wishes your way. We’ll celebrate together once the pandemic is behind us.”
In an ideal scenario, the person will be understanding—though they might feel a bit let down. However, it’s important to remember: we’re still navigating a pandemic, so the social norms and expectations we followed before 2020 no longer apply (much like the windows you’ve probably kept open for better airflow and ventilation).
