Buzz
Do you ever find yourself trapped in a cycle of anxiety, obsessing over stressful situations? Have you ever replayed an awkward moment or a heated argument with your partner in your mind endlessly?
If you've ever dealt with such struggles, you'll appreciate that this week we're learning how to manage the inner voice with guidance from psychologist Ethan Kross. Tune in to this week's Upgrade episode to discover why venting to a close friend isn't always the best solution and how we can use language and other methods of distance to gain a clearer perspective on our challenges.
Ethan is a professor at the University of Michigan’s Psychology Department and Ross School of Business, recognized as a leading authority on managing the conscious mind. His book is titled Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It.
Listen to The Upgrade above or find us on all your favorite podcast platforms, including Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeartRadio, and NPR One.
Key Takeaways from this Week’s Episode
Highlights from the Interview with Ethan Kross:
On what chatter is and why it can be problematic:
First, it's important to clarify that chatter isn't just about negative self-talk. When I discuss this with people, many ask, “How do I stop being so hard on myself?” Being critical at certain times can actually be helpful. For instance, if I mess up an interview or presentation, it's valuable to reflect and say, “Oops! I made a mistake. Here’s what went wrong.” But chatter occurs when we get caught in a cycle. I mess up, then I spiral: “What will I do? What if this leads to something worse?” Suddenly, I’m imagining myself fired or facing a serious illness. You get stuck on this loop, narrowing in on only the negative aspects of the situation.
On how using temporal distancing can reduce the impact of chatter:
Just before we started recording, my two kids had torn apart their mother’s closet trying to find something green to wear for St. Patrick’s Day, and chaos was everywhere. “I’m on a podcast!” I thought. What can I do in that moment? I could think, “In four months, I’ll be vaccinated, back at work, and this madness at home will be over...” By imagining the future, I’m practicing distancing. It helps me focus on the bigger picture. Right now, things are stressful, but it’s temporary. It will pass, and that thought gives me hope. And hope, in turn, soothes the chatter in my mind.
On how using third-person language can help us overcome rumination:
What we’ve discovered is that language itself can be a tool for distancing. Normally, we use names when referring to others, but what we’ve learned—almost like a psychological trick—is to use our own name when thinking about ourselves. This shift in perspective changes how we relate to ourselves, as though we were someone else. This creates distance and can be incredibly productive.
For more insightful tips on quieting the anxious, self-critical voice inside, we highly recommend listening to the full episode.
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