Buzz
Is there anything more daunting than your initial money discussion with a partner? The moment you realize it's just not meant to be is even worse.
You weren’t married, but it might as well have been. You shared rent, bills, maybe even a joint bank account. If you didn’t live together, you probably shared a family phone plan or at least a Netflix account. Regardless, it’s all over, and it’s a mess.
Now it feels like the years you spent together were all for nothing. But you can’t afford to dwell on the heartbreak for long. It's time to focus on your finances.
I reached out to two personal finance experts (who have experienced their own fair share of breakups) to get their advice on resetting your finances after a relationship ends.
Concentrate on the facts, not the emotions
Don’t jump into packing your emotional baggage just yet—first, take a clear look at your situation. “Get ahead of your feelings and tackle the most important tasks first,” said Whitney Morrison, CFP and financial advisory director at LegalZoom. Make a comprehensive list of all shared accounts and expenses, paying special attention to joint accounts. This list might include a home, a car, a credit card—anything that legally binds you to that person.
Your main focus should be separating shared financial accounts. “When you have joint accounts, like savings or checking, both of you become legal owners of the funds,” said Morrison. “Either one of you can withdraw all the money without facing legal consequences because you both have ownership.”
If you have a joint savings or checking account, withdraw your share of the funds (refer to your statements to recall your contributions) and ensure you cancel any direct deposits or automatic transfers linked to that account.
“Hopefully, you have at least one checking account in your name,” said Lillian Karabaic, personal finance educator and author of A Cat’s Guide to Money. “If not, open one right away and transfer some funds into it. I’ve heard too many stories of people whose ex drained the account or locked them out of a shared account out of spite,” she shared.
Assess your housing alternatives
If you have an emergency fund, now is the perfect time to put it to use.
“Even if you manage to leave a rental quickly, you’ll still need funds for first and last month’s rent, as well as replacing shared household items like cookware and furniture,” Karabaic explained.
If both of you are on the lease, you might want to ask your landlord about the possibility of transferring to another unit, Karabaic suggested. This option works best with corporate landlords or large apartment complexes. “Sometimes, one of you can downsize to a smaller apartment, or you could each request a transfer to separate units,” she added. “This can help make the move easier financially and logistically, and the property manager fills an additional unit.”
If you’re short on cash to find your own place, it’s time to reach out to family and friends. You might already be crashing at their place, so it’s worth discussing if you can extend your stay to save some money. “People are often really surprised by the support that’s there if you ask for it,” said Morrison.
Let go of your Netflix login (but maybe hold on to your insurance)
“Just cancel it,” Morrison suggested, referring to shared accounts like Amazon Prime, Netflix, phone plans, or any service where you share a password. If even the smallest monthly expenses are still tied to each other, “It’s like the breakup never truly ends,” she added.
“Sometimes it’s easiest to let the account or item go to the person who values it more,” Karabaic recommended. She also cautioned about hidden breakup expenses that can surface during the process, like setting up your own streaming accounts or buying your own Instant Pot after you promised you wouldn’t use it much.
One part of the process that may require extra planning: if you’re both on the same health insurance. If you were in a domestic partnership, removing one partner from the insurance will be considered a “change in status” or “loss of insurance,” Karabaic clarified. “This will allow you to qualify for a special enrollment period for either an exchange plan or your employer's insurance.”
However, if you’re approaching the end of your plan year, it might be worth waiting until open enrollment, as long as things are amicable. “Switching before open enrollment will mean you’ll need to meet a brand new deductible,” she cautioned.
Monitor your credit
Once you’ve identified which accounts belong to you and your ex and separated them, you’re still not done. “I highly recommend keeping an eye on your credit score,” Karabaic advised, using a free credit monitoring service.
While your ex might not go as far as opening a new credit card in your name, if they miss any bills associated with your name, it could damage your credit history. “Don’t leave that responsibility to anyone else,” Morrison warned, “Especially not your ex.”
Make sure to retain documentation showing that you’ve been removed from any joint accounts, and stay vigilant for occasional charges that didn’t make it onto your original list of shared accounts. Karabaic mentioned that extras like additional driver coverage on car insurance or renter’s insurance for an apartment you no longer reside in are common culprits.
Accept that it’s going to be complicated
Severing financial ties with a long-term partner isn’t an overnight job. Getting your finances back on track after a breakup might take some time. So don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel like you're struggling right after the split.
“Living on two incomes and sharing bills and expenses is a different ballgame,” Morrison explained. “Your life will change. But now’s the time to stabilize your personal finances and start setting new boundaries around what works and doesn’t work for you financially moving forward.”
It might take some time to get comfortable with a new budget and possibly a new living situation. But if you take the time to set yourself up for success—and resist the urge to reply to your ex’s messages—you’ll build solid financial stability, plus a few valuable lessons for future relationships.
