How to Tactfully Address a Friend’s Bad Habit—and Other Etiquette Tips from Hoda and Jenna

Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager, hosts of TODAY with Hoda and Jenna, are the experts behind our "Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas" column. For years, these two have been sharing straightforward, sincere advice on-air (catch them weekdays at 10 a.m. ET). Check out their insights on navigating social challenges, including handling conflicts with friends, below.

Got a tricky social dilemma? Reach out to them at [email protected], and they may feature their thoughtful guidance in an upcoming issue of Mytour.

When to Request Assistance from Neighbors

RICHARD ASKS: Our neighborhood is full of mature trees and lacks fences. Our house, being new, doesn’t have trees of its own, but due to the wind’s direction, it seems like our yard collects most of our neighbors' fallen leaves. So, Fall leaf cleanup either becomes a huge task or an expensive ordeal for us. Should we just endure disposing of numerous bags or hiring someone at great cost, or would it be acceptable to ask our neighbors for help?

HODA KOTB: Well, it’s not the neighbors’ fault that the wind blows in your direction. I think you’ll just have to bite the bullet and manage the leaf cleanup yourself.

JENNA BUSH HAGER: Right, part of living in a community means helping one another. When they help you, it's kind of like a way of paying back a favor.

HK: Ideally, neighbors would assist each other. One day, when it snows, someone might offer to help you shovel. I would suggest you take care of the leaf removal yourself. If you can afford to hire someone, great. But if you don’t have the extra cash, I get it—you might have to handle it on your own. And who knows? A neighbor might see you working and decide to pitch in.

How to Handle a Friendship Breakdown

SHELLY ASKS: My husband and I have been ghosted by a longtime friend. She was never particularly kind to me, and at times she’s tried to turn others in our group against us. We're in our 50s, and we've reached out multiple times to see what we can do to repair the friendship, but she’s always too busy. There's a small community event coming up, and I know it’s going to be uncomfortable. How should I approach that evening without letting my emotions show too much?

JBH: I think ignoring her is probably your best move, especially since it seems like she’s trying to provoke you.

HK: If you've tried reaching out multiple times with no success, it’s time to just be polite and move on. Sometimes relationships have a start, middle, and end. It seems like this one is at its end, and you need to come to terms with that. However, her trying to turn others against you is not okay.

JBH: Absolutely, it’s not! Maybe you could say, 'I heard you said this, and I just want to let you know I’m not okay with it. I’m not looking for a fight, and we don’t need to be best friends, but we all have to coexist.' And let's be grateful for the friends who called her out for trying to turn them against you!

Jenna Bush Hager

How to Request a Baby Shower

MOM-TO-BE ASKS: After years of challenging IVF treatments, I’m overjoyed to finally be expecting! While I’m thrilled about our first baby, I feel a little hurt that neither a close friend nor my sister has offered to throw me a baby shower—especially since I was excited to host showers for them in the past. Are baby showers supposed to be reciprocated? Should I be upset about this?

JBH: I understand why this would upset you. It’s likely not intentional, and you could say, 'I’d really appreciate it if you could throw me a little something.'

HK: I’m wondering if they’re planning a surprise for you!

JBH: Perhaps they have something planned! It’s totally fine to ask. My sister, Barbara, once asked me if we could do something to celebrate her baby, and I wasn’t bothered by it. If these are your closest friends, you should feel comfortable letting them know what you’d like.

HK: Exactly. Just say, 'This is such an important time for me, and I would love it if my friends could get together.' They might say they have something planned already, or they might apologize and explain how busy they’ve been. Either way, I’m sure they’ll want to celebrate with you.

How to Address a Friend’s Bad Habits

PAMELA ASKS: I have a close friend who works as a dental hygienist. After eating, she feels the urge to floss immediately. She does this either at the dinner table in a restaurant or as soon as we get into the car. It’s honestly kind of off-putting! I’ve mentioned to her that she should probably do it in the restroom instead, but I’m not sure if I’m overreacting. What do you think? I’d appreciate your advice!

HK: Flossing right at the table isn’t exactly considered proper etiquette.

JBH: I’d have to agree, it’s not appropriate.

HK: You could explain it by saying that everyone has their own quirks, and yours just happens to be dental hygiene. Make it more about you and less about criticizing her behavior. That way, she may be more understanding of your perspective.

JBH: The word 'bugaboo' always helps to keep things lighthearted. It’s important to pay attention to your tone when addressing sensitive issues. And don’t forget, this is a close friend of yours! She might not realize she’s making others uncomfortable, especially when there’s a restroom right there for her to use.

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