Buzz
Years ago, during a dance lesson with my spouse, the instructor suggested that couples should pair up with different partners. She mentioned, 'We often say things to our significant other that we wouldn’t say to others, like, ‘Sweetheart, you’re not doing it right.’
This was accurate—we rotated partners every few minutes, and whenever my husband and I paired up, we’d end up arguing about who was messing up the steps. (Truthfully, we were both beginners and equally clueless.)
There are certain activities you and your partner can enjoy together for fitness, but it’s crucial to pick the right type of exercise. Major red flags include:
Activities with even a hint of competition
Exercises you’re both learning from scratch (Sweetheart, you’re not doing it right)
Workouts involving distance, such as jogging or biking
Another potential issue, common with any workout partner you’re close to, is that instead of encouraging each other to hit the gym, you might end up convincing one another to stay home. (Especially after a long, exhausting day for both of you.) If you’re certain this won’t be a problem, here are some strategies for exercising with your significant other.
Tips for Exercising as a Couple
Avoid doing the same activity. This is the key rule. If you decide to “go for a run together” and your partner is faster, they’ll feel frustrated slowing down, and you’ll wear yourself out trying to keep up. Even if you’re perfectly matched in pace, it’s still not a good idea. Eventually, one of you will improve, leading to the same issues plus the added frustration of wondering, Why are they improving faster than me? (It could be due to more free time, natural ability, or other factors—but it’ll still bother you.)
Instead, head to the track together but follow your own workout routines. You’ll still be in the same location, allowing you to meet during water breaks and enjoy post-workout treats like beer or ice cream. Turn it into a shared experience, not a competition.
Apply this approach to any activity you can do in the same space but not simultaneously. For example, you can swim laps together at the pool—preferably in separate lanes. My husband and I successfully work out at the gym by doing our own routines. We briefly come together to spot each other on the bench press, making a conscious effort to avoid unnecessary comments, and then continue with our individual exercises.
Couples can also manage to take a class together successfully if they focus solely on the instructor and avoid interacting with each other. For instance, a group cycling session with loud music in a dimly lit room. Just make sure not to choose bikes next to each other.
I’ve heard that it’s possible to work together during partnered bodyweight exercises or stretching routines, but I remain doubtful.
There’s one exception to the rule about avoiding joint activities. It’s fine if it’s something you’re both skilled at and is well below your maximum ability. For example, a casual walk. You’re unlikely to critique your partner’s walking style (I hope). Or a relaxed bike ride with no intention of racing, even when approaching a hill. (It might be wise to avoid hills altogether.)
Additionally, if you want to leverage the idea that we push ourselves harder in a group or with a more advanced workout partner, consider joining a supportive fitness group or turning an acquaintance into your exercise buddy. Keep your significant other out of this arrangement.
