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The year 2020 has been an unrelenting parade of grim headlines and unsettling news stories, each one piling on before you can fully digest the last. From reports of police brutality and rising COVID-19 cases to the chaotic whirlwind of presidential politics, the overwhelming sense that things are dire and worsening has been inescapable.
While such posts can be frustrating, what about those sharing positive updates, like career advancements, engagements, or new home purchases? Considering the current climate of hardship, is it insensitive to share your personal successes? Here’s some insight.
Could you be grappling with a sense of survivor’s guilt?
For those not raised in a culture or religion where guilt is ingrained in every action, inaction, or even thought, this might not resonate as strongly. However, even without such a background, the constant loss of life during these times is exhausting, leading some to feel a form of survivor’s guilt. Dr. Heidi Brooks, a senior lecturer in organizational behavior at the Yale School of Management, has observed this phenomenon frequently in recent discussions.
“We aspire for people to succeed and flourish in both life and work, even during a pandemic,” says Brooks, an expert in “everyday leadership”—the small, impactful moments that define our daily lives. “However, it’s evident that not everyone is thriving; many are merely surviving.”
That said, it doesn’t mean we should halt all celebrations. Brooks suggests distinguishing between public celebrations and personal recognition. “It’s crucial to consider the individual’s perspective, as there’s a tension of survivor’s guilt—wondering, ‘Is it acceptable that I’m doing well?’—when others are struggling due to the pandemic, job insecurity, housing issues, political unrest, and racial injustice,” she explains.
Is it possible—and appropriate—to celebrate our achievements during these times?
Amid a pandemic, celebrations or acknowledgments of good news often occur on social media, given the necessity of social distancing. This public display can be unsettling for some as they scroll through their feeds. However, as Brooks notes, even our interactions on social media have evolved significantly this year.
“There’s an unspoken expectation that if I’ve celebrated your achievements in the past, you’ll now celebrate mine,” she clarifies. “For instance, I’ve landed a new job, but you’ve just lost yours—yet you’re still expected to celebrate my success. It’s a tricky dynamic to navigate at the moment.”
As inherently social creatures, we often interpret the world by comparing and connecting with others. “The desire to share our successes stems from a need for recognition, social validation, and shared experiences during significant moments,” Brooks notes.
Given the current climate, it’s crucial to consider how our actions affect others and to act with greater awareness and social responsibility. “However, suffering simply because others are suffering isn’t necessarily healthy, justified, or a sign of integrity,” Brooks explains. “Instead of ‘celebration,’ think in terms of acknowledgment, encouragement, and allowing yourself to flourish.”
How to Acknowledge Your Achievements in a Way That Fits 2020
Now that we understand why celebrating successes feels so complicated and why the manner of sharing matters, here are some strategies for recognizing your achievements in a way that aligns with the current times.
Approach with humility and mindfulness
While adopting a humble and mindful approach to life is generally advisable, Brooks emphasizes its heightened importance in the current climate. “If you can remain conscious of your words and recognize your own experiences, people are likely to respond more positively than if you celebrate insensitively or without consideration,” she explains.
Address the underlying tensions
Instead of ignoring the obvious issue, consider addressing it directly. “We can say, ‘This feels like an awkward moment to share, but I wanted to let you know I’m thrilled about my new job, even as I recognize many are struggling with unemployment. It’s a mix of emotions, but as friends, I wanted to share this with you,’” Brooks suggests.
By acknowledging the tension and the dilemma, you demonstrate awareness of others’ struggles. “This way, you’re not dismissing or overshadowing their experiences,” she adds. “You’re simply recognizing that everyone’s circumstances are different.”
Consider your intention and its potential impact
If you decide to celebrate a personal achievement, Brooks notes that it might come across as insensitive to some, even if that’s not your intention. “Your goal is to celebrate, but the way others perceive it may differ significantly,” Brooks explains. This is why understanding the gap between your intentions and the potential impact on those in different situations is crucial.
Understand your audience
This advice isn’t just for public speakers or comedians—knowing your audience is key when sharing good news. For instance, if you’ve just landed a new job, a friend who recently lost theirs might not be the best person to share this with at the moment.
Ashley Stahl, a career expert at SoFi, suggests tailoring your message based on the listener’s circumstances. “Focus on the facts and acknowledge your efforts, but avoid subtle boasts, especially if you’re aware your audience hasn’t been as lucky,” she advises Mytour.
Offer context alongside your success
Rather than simply announcing your achievement, provide some background on how you reached it. “A success becomes more relatable and inspiring when people understand the obstacles you overcame,” says Liza Streiff, CEO of Knopman Marks, a firm specializing in financial exam training. “Life is filled with challenges, and no one is exempt. Witnessing triumph over hardship can offer hope and motivation that resonates with everyone.”
Celebrate others’ achievements
This is the antithesis of schadenfreude. “Make sure to recognize and celebrate the successes, big or small, of those around you,” Streiff advises. “In today’s world, everyone could use a bit more acknowledgment and appreciation.”
Keep embracing the small victories
Even amidst ongoing crises, it doesn’t mean we should abandon celebrations entirely. While we’re not advocating for extravagant gatherings like private island birthday parties, marking milestones doesn’t have to be costly.
“During these uncertain times of widespread unemployment, it’s crucial to remember that small celebrations can still hold meaning,” says Andrew Wang, managing partner at Runnymede Capital Management and host of the podcast Inspired Money. “A simple Friday night pizza party or a family movie night can feel incredibly special. The pandemic has shifted my perspective—celebrations don’t need to be grand or expensive to be meaningful.”
It’s alright to feel alright
While we’re often reminded that it’s fine not to be okay—a positive shift in how we discuss mental health—Stahl points out another perspective. “It’s also okay to be okay,” she says. “Avoiding sharing your successes out of fear of making others uncomfortable can reflect a sense of co-dependency. Celebrate life when you can, and don’t overly adjust yourself to fit others’ expectations.”
If possible, use your success to support others
If your recent achievement includes a financial aspect, Brooks offers this advice: “Consider using a portion of your success to support others, whether through donations, words of encouragement, or thoughtful advice on how and when to share your good news.”
Additional insights on mental health and online therapy from G/O Media’s partner
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