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Image: Getty ImagesHoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager, the hosts of TODAY with Hoda and Jenna, serve as our expert columnists for "Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas." These two have been offering candid and heartfelt advice on air for years (tune in live on weekdays at 10 a.m. ET). Discover their tips on handling various social challenges, including dealing with friends who fail to pay back their loans, below.
Need guidance on a tricky social issue? Email them at [email protected] and they may offer their wisdom in an upcoming issue of Mytour.
When Family or Friends Request Financial Help
KRISTEN ASKS: My friend is a dedicated teacher, and her husband has a few side gigs that don't provide enough to support their family. Whenever something breaks down, like their car, her husband turns to friends and family for help. They now owe me money, but I see them dining out and shopping. How should I ask for my $500 back?
HODA KOTB: I wouldn’t ask for the money back, but I would stop giving them any more. In my view, once you offer money, it’s not your responsibility to track how it’s spent or what it's used for.
JENNA BUSH HAGER: I completely agree. You’ve already given, and now you have the right to stop if it makes you uneasy.
HK: You've been generous, and now it’s up to you to decide if you want to continue helping. If they ask again and you don't want to, simply let them know you can't assist at this moment. You don't need to provide an explanation.
When Pets Aren't Properly Trained at Friends' Homes
J. ASKS: Whenever our friends invite us for dinner, we always suggest meeting at a restaurant instead. Why? They have two big dogs who roam freely and are fed table scraps. After the meal, the plates are left on the floor for the dogs to clean. There's also the issue of not washing hands before preparing food. I think they’re starting to notice why we avoid dinner at their place. What should we do?
JBH: You’re doing the right thing by proposing a different venue. Choose a restaurant or invite them over to your home. You could also mention you have a mild dog allergy—they don’t need to know that by 'allergy' you mean the dogs gross you out!
HK: I agree, the allergy excuse is a good choice since they may question why you’re not coming to their house.
JBH: You don’t need to explain yourself, but it’s hard to enjoy a meal when there’s a dog licking the plates right in front of you.
HK: Also, if they’re not washing their hands before cooking, and they’re petting the dogs and touching everything, it’s no surprise you won’t be hungry. And honestly, I wouldn’t be shocked if you’re not the only ones skipping dinner at their place!
On Using Emojis in Text Messages
KATHERINE ASKS: I'm a Gen X mom, somewhere in between your ages. I’m starting to feel like using emojis in texts is kind of cringe. 😂😭🤔 What do you think?
JBH: We’re all about the emoji!
HK: We don’t care about what’s considered cringe. If someone thinks it's cringe, that’s their issue, not ours. Whether it’s one emoji or ten, we’ll use them however we want. How they react is up to them. We believe you shouldn’t worry about how others see you—that’s just not our vibe.
JBH: Just be you. If emojis are your thing, then go all in, girl! We’re all about it too!
When Family Members Share Your Kids' Photos Online
MARY ASKS: We prefer to keep our children off social media for a variety of reasons. Our family means well, but they don’t seem to pick up on this. They frequently post pictures of our kids. We don’t mind that photos are taken, it’s the posting that concerns us. We don’t want to hurt their feelings, but we need them to stop. What should we do?
JBH: I've told people before, “Just so you know, no posting. It’s really important for us that you don’t post,” and every time I’ve said it, they’ve totally understood.
HK: It won’t hurt your family’s feelings if you ask them not to share a picture. They can still capture the moment, but if it’s about sharing, just tell them it’s not your thing.
JBH: Let them know you’re trying to avoid it to protect your children. Those who truly care about your kids will understand and want to support that decision too.
HK: I get that it’s tough because grandmothers love to share their pride, posting for their friends to see. Maybe if they have a private group page, that could work. Or they could just send pictures via a group text instead.
