Japanese Wedding Traditions

Blending the old with the new, contemporary Japanese couples artfully combine cherished traditions from ancient Japan with modern Western customs to craft a wedding day that is truly memorable.

The traditional Shinto wedding ceremony in Japan is characterized by its solemnity and intimacy, typically attended only by close family members and a handful of guests. Despite its rich heritage, this ceremony is becoming less common, as over 60% of couples now opt for Western-style weddings.

The Shinto wedding ceremony, held at a shrine, represents not just the joining of two individuals but also the merging of their families. During the vows, the couple participates in the san-san-kudo ritual, exchanging sake cups in a symbolic "three-times-three" gesture. Western-style ceremonies, often conducted in churches, wedding halls, or hotel chapels, are typically overseen by a minister. However, given that fewer than 1% of Japanese identify as Christian, the couple's connection to the minister's faith is usually minimal.

"Even though they aren't Christian, most people opt for Western-style weddings. It's purely about style, not religion," explains Keiko Okano, a New York publicist who has witnessed numerous Japanese weddings. "They simply find it more charming and attractive."

Following both Shinto and Western ceremonies, an extravagant reception takes place, featuring the bride in multiple outfit changes. This custom, rooted in the 14th century, symbolizes her readiness to transition back to daily life. At a Shinto reception, the bride might start in a white kimono, switch to a vibrant embroidered kimono, then don a Western wedding gown, and finally an evening or party dress. For Western-style weddings, the sequence may be reversed, beginning with a wedding dress, followed by a kimono, and concluding with one or more party dresses, according to Soichiro Taguchi, assistant vice president of Nikko Hotels International.

"The most anticipated moment of the reception is witnessing the bride's wardrobe transformations," Taguchi remarks.

During the reception, the couple is formally introduced, and guests, including friends and colleagues, deliver speeches in their honor. The bride and groom then cut the cake and illuminate a central candle display, as well as candles on each guest table.

A lavish banquet is served at Japanese weddings, where guests enjoy food and drinks, but dancing is notably absent. "Dancing is not a part of Japanese wedding celebrations," Okano explains. Instead, guests often entertain the couple by singing or playing musical instruments.

Unlike Western traditions, Japanese couples do not create gift registries. Instead, wedding guests are expected to give monetary gifts, with the amount varying based on their relationship to the bride. These gifts are typically presented in elegantly decorated paper envelopes and often help cover the reception costs. In return, the newlyweds give each guest a token of appreciation, such as a ceramic item or a bottle of wine.

Due to the high costs associated with wedding receptions in Japan, an increasing number of couples are opting to marry overseas.

"In Japan, there's a strong expectation to host a large wedding reception and invite colleagues, superiors, friends, and relatives," Taguchi notes. "By marrying in Hawaii, couples can reduce the guest list and combine the wedding with their honeymoon, saving significant expenses."

In 1970, over 40% of Japanese marriages were arranged to strengthen family ties. Today, fewer than 10% are arranged, and these are often facilitated by computer matchmaking services rather than traditional matchmakers. Japanese marriage customs have evolved dramatically in recent decades, with trends like marrying later, women considering retaining their surnames, and singlehood becoming more socially acceptable.