Buzz
Moving from Houston to Los Angeles was initially thrilling. The refreshing, arid air, entertaining comedy performances, and outstanding cuisine made the experience unforgettable. However, as time went on, the excitement faded, leaving me feeling bitter, skeptical, and overwhelmingly homesick.
In my late twenties, admitting to homesickness felt awkward. This isn’t a temporary getaway; it’s real life! I’m a mature adult, after all! Adults aren’t expected to long for their mothers or feel down because their hometown friends are enjoying life without them. We’re supposed to build new connections and create fresh experiences. Yet, even in my 30s, I sometimes feel homesick. But that’s alright—I’ve discovered ways to manage it.
Understanding the True Nature of Homesickness
After spending about a year in LA, I began to feel down. I resented my family for not visiting more frequently and found myself critical of the locals, who didn’t measure up to my friends back home. Eventually, I realized the truth: I didn’t dislike LA. I simply longed for my previous life.
Recognizing my homesickness was a game-changer. Instead of projecting my frustrations onto everyone around me—essentially blaming the entire city of Los Angeles—I addressed the root cause of my distress. According to clinical psychologist and professor Josh Klapow, homesickness stems from our “innate need for love, safety, and security—emotions typically tied to the concept of home.”
When these feelings are absent in a new setting, it’s natural to yearn for home. This makes perfect sense. While I knew people in LA, they were all strangers initially. Feeling loved, safe, and secure is challenging when surrounded by unfamiliar faces. Even if you thrive on new adventures and environments, the lack of familiarity can be unexpectedly unsettling.
A study published in Pediatrics highlighted four key “risk factors” that influence homesickness:
Experience: Those who’ve never lived away from home are more likely to feel homesick. Adjusting to unfamiliar surroundings can be tough without prior experience.
Attitude: Homesickness can become a self-fulfilling cycle. If you expect to feel out of place in a new environment, you likely will.
Personality: Researchers refer to “insecure attachment” when discussing how children adapt to new caregivers. Similarly, if you struggle to connect with new people, it can impact how you handle change.
External factors: Your willingness to move plays a role. Was it a choice or a necessity? Additionally, your family’s reaction to the move can influence your level of homesickness.
Understanding how homesickness operates and what influences it is a crucial first step in learning how to manage it effectively.
“Immunize” yourself against homesickness
According to researcher Chris Thurber, the most effective way to combat homesickness is to confront it head-on rather than avoid it. He explained to CNN that experiencing homesickness is what “builds immunity against future episodes.” By enduring it, you develop coping mechanisms.
The article (along with extensive research on homesickness) emphasizes strategies parents can use to help their children avoid excessive longing for home:
If possible, parents should establish an agreement to reduce constant communication—whether through texts or emails—with their college freshmen. Instead, [clinical psychologist Josh Klapow] suggests setting a fixed time, such as once a week, for contact. This approach gives students the opportunity to build meaningful relationships with peers—since a lack of social support is a significant predictor of homesickness, as noted in Thurber’s research—and fosters essential independence.
As an adult, you can apply this same principle by reducing how often you communicate with people back home. After my move, I found myself calling my mom every other day and a hometown friend on the alternate days. It became almost compulsive, providing a sense of comfort and safety. However, this behavior only extended my struggle. Keep in mind that experience is one of the four key factors influencing homesickness. The more you acclimate to life away from home, the better you become at managing it. You essentially build resilience. Feeling a bit of sadness is a natural and necessary step toward progress.
Avoid fixating on the past
During my bouts of homesickness, I often romanticized my old life, overlooking the minor irritations that came with it. “People were more welcoming back home,” I’d claim. “You could greet strangers on the street. That’s impossible in LA.” While true, people back home had their flaws, just like anywhere else. But in my mind, they didn’t—not while I was idealizing the past. My hometown was flawless, and this new place simply couldn’t compare. The grass always seems greener far away.
A touch of nostalgia isn’t harmful, but yearning for the “good old days” became an issue when it prevented me from valuing my current circumstances and embracing new opportunities and relationships.
Instead of merely avoiding nostalgia, consider this: use it to your benefit. Studies indicate that nostalgia can enhance your outlook on the future and boost happiness. The key is to channel it in a way that fosters growth rather than hinders it.
As Psychology Today highlights, the key lies in how you direct your nostalgia. Are you stuck reminiscing about the past, or are you using it to shape a better future?
Individuals who view positive experiences as lasting sources of enrichment are more likely to experience a mood lift. Conversely, those who fixate on the disparity between past and present risk devaluing every good moment, believing nothing ahead can ever compare...To avoid this mindset, [Psychologist Fred Bryant] suggests linking the past to the present. For instance, reflecting on your younger self’s dreams while considering your current job or family can improve your perspective on your present life. “Remembering past aspirations adds flavor to the present,” he explains.
In essence, nostalgia can either be a burden or a tool for improvement. It all depends on how you harness it.
Establish new traditions
Keep in mind, homesickness stems from the “innate need for love, safety, and security—emotions typically tied to home.” To ease this, focus on creating a sense of stability in your new environment. This often involves personalizing your new space and making it feel like home.
Beyond meeting new people and giving it time, a straightforward way to settle in is by creating your own traditions. These don’t need to be elaborate. Something as simple as a weekly grocery run every Sunday morning (or weekday evening, if you prefer avoiding crowds) can work wonders. Repeating these routines in your new life builds familiarity, and soon enough, you’ll feel a sense of stability in your new environment, easing those homesick feelings.
If your situation is temporary—perhaps you’re traveling and will return home soon—but you’re feeling low, I’ve been there. Years ago, I spent Thanksgiving alone in Europe. Unexpectedly, I felt down until I decided to honor the tradition by dining out, ordering whatever I craved, and indulging in a feast (ah, the joys of the holiday). While it was a quirky (and calorie-heavy) way to create familiarity, it worked. Interestingly, I even bumped into fellow Americans doing the same, which added to the comfort.
Feeling homesick is nothing to be ashamed of. At its heart, it’s about seeking security—a universal desire, whether you’re a child, college student, or an adult in your 30s and beyond. It can be challenging, especially during holidays, but understanding it is the first step toward managing it effectively.
