Buzz
For many, the festive season brings extra obligations, pressures, and the silent demand for perfection. What’s often dubbed 'the most wonderful time of the year' can feel overwhelming for those struggling with high-functioning anxiety.
Dr. Amelia Kelley, a trauma-informed therapist and co-author of What I Wish I Knew: Surviving and Thriving After an Abusive Relationship, explains to Mytour, “High-functioning anxiety describes individuals who appear to have their lives under control but secretly battle excessive worry, stress, and even obsessive thoughts. The holidays can exacerbate this, particularly due to the immense expectations and social obligations that come with the season.”
Dr. Kelley also notes that the financial strain and disruptions to normal routines during the holidays can further affect our physical and mental well-being, creating a perfect storm for heightened anxiety.
What are the indicators of high-functioning anxiety?
If you're worried about yourself or someone close to you, it's important to recognize the key signs of high-functioning anxiety. Dr. Kelley outlines the main symptoms to be aware of.
Difficulty sleeping or insomnia. “Sleep issues are often the first red flag that something is amiss with our mental health,” Dr. Kelley explains. “When our minds are racing, falling asleep becomes tough, especially for those grappling with anxiety. The anxious mind is overly critical, making it harder to switch into the calm, creative state necessary for restful sleep.”
Dr. Kelley advises creating a calming bedtime ritual, reducing stress as much as possible in the evenings, and minimizing screen time before bed. “Combining these habits with a consistent sleep schedule is vital for getting the rest needed to ease holiday anxiety,” she adds.
Persistent negative self-talk and feelings of inadequacy. “A hallmark of high-functioning anxiety is the inner voice that says we’re never 'good enough,'” Dr. Kelley states. “Even if it's not a deliberate thought, the tendency to overcommit and compare ourselves to others only strengthens the belief that we are set up to fail.”
If you're grappling with FOMO or finding yourself comparing your holiday celebrations to others, Kelley recommends cutting back on social media usage during the holidays. Additionally, she emphasizes the importance of practicing self-compassion. “Notice if you're being overly critical with yourself, and instead, try to reframe your thoughts as if you were speaking to a friend or someone you care deeply about,” she suggests. “Many of my clients find it helpful to create a self-compassion mantra, such as ‘I am more than good enough,’ whenever they catch themselves engaging in negative self-talk.”
Focusing too much on the past or future. “If you're finding it difficult to stay in the present moment or if you catch yourself longing for the past, this may be a sign of high-functioning anxiety during the holidays,” Kelley observes. “Many classic holiday songs focus on ‘days gone by’ or ‘the good old times.’ The holidays are filled with symbolism and memories, which can pull us away from the present, especially for those experiencing grief over the loss of someone dear.”
Kelley recommends using grounding techniques to manage this tendency. “Pause, take a deep breath, and notice your surroundings. Reflect on each ornament as you decorate rather than rushing to finish,” she advises. “Stay open to creating new traditions and embracing the potential of the future. And if you struggle to avoid dwelling on the past, particularly if you're grieving, surround yourself with loved ones who understand that it’s okay not to feel okay.”
Kelley emphasizes the importance of asking for help and easing the pressure on yourself. Take moments to slow down, stay present, and check in with yourself to ensure your personal needs are being met.
Physical discomfort and restlessness. “Anxiety can cause tension in the body, which can exacerbate chronic pain conditions like headaches, stomach problems, and autoimmune disorders,” Kelley explains. “It's also common to become more vulnerable to illnesses, as constant anxiety weakens our immune systems.”
Kelley suggests incorporating meditation and yoga into your routine, alongside breath work and physical activities that can help release tension in the body. Another approach to alleviate anxiety-driven stress is to be mindful of your food and drink choices during the holiday season. With an abundance of treats at every gathering, it’s easy to overindulge, but neglecting moderation can increase your susceptibility to anxiety. Enjoy the food and beverages, but remember, you don’t have to accept every offering.
Understanding the Importance of Managing Your Expectations
Above all, it's crucial to manage your expectations. Kelley emphasizes, 'It's okay to say no.' People will still appreciate you even if you skip sending a holiday card. Strive for imperfection when possible by accepting what’s out of your control and acknowledging that things won’t always unfold as planned. This mindset fosters self-compassion and helps you laugh when things don't go as expected, instead of being overly hard on yourself.
She further notes that embracing imperfection is essential. 'If imperfection is the goal, it reduces the pressure placed on those with high-functioning anxiety.' Whether it’s a slightly imperfect gift wrap or slightly overcooked cookies, accepting your efforts and moving forward can ease that pressure and bring more peace to the process.
