Buzz
While joining a conversation is straightforward, knowing how to begin one can be challenging. Often, you might struggle to find the right words to start a dialogue. In such moments, the HEFE method can be your go-to solution.
Understanding the HEFE Technique
Much like the FORD method, the HEFE technique offers a simple framework for recalling four key topics to kick off a conversation. HEFE represents hobbies, entertainment, food, and environment (referring to your immediate surroundings, not ecological issues). While FORD topics (family, occupation, recreation, and dreams) work well in professional or familiar settings, HEFE is particularly effective for engaging with strangers.
Here are some example questions you can use:
Hobbies
How do you usually spend your weekends?
Do you have any exciting plans for the summer?
Are you into any sports, either as a fan or a player?
Entertainment
Which TV show are you hooked on right now?
Have you come across any great books recently?
What’s the most memorable movie you’ve watched this year?
Food
Do you enjoy cooking?
What’s your go-to dish to prepare for guests?
If you could eat anything right now, what would it be?
Environment
Does this bus ever run on schedule?
Have you been here since they finished the renovations?
Is it usually this packed in here?
"HEFE topics are simple, relatable, and easy to bring up, making conversations feel less daunting and more natural," explains Jenny Woo, a cognitive science researcher, CEO of Mind Brain Emotion, and creator of 52 Essential Conversations. "They don’t demand specialized knowledge and foster the exchange of ideas, helping people connect on a deeper level."
Similar to FORD topics, HEFE-related subjects are considered "safe" compared to potentially divisive topics like politics or religion, as noted by Mary Ann Covey, a licensed psychologist at Thriveworks. "Safer topics typically revolve around personal interests, where factual disagreements are less likely," she explains.
Advantages of the HEFE Technique
Woo highlights that the HEFE method’s appeal lies in its predictability and control. "Individuals with social anxiety can rehearse these topics in advance to build confidence," she notes. The structured nature of HEFE topics provides a sense of security during conversations. "Many with social anxiety dread awkward silences and struggle to fill them without increasing their stress," adds Covey.
Mario Palacios, a licensed marriage and family therapist, points out that the "environment" aspect of HEFE is particularly useful for those feeling anxious in social settings, as it creates a common ground.
"The primary advantage of focusing on the environment is that it shifts attention away from oneself," he states. "Social anxiety often stems from fear of judgment and negative self-perception. Redirecting focus to the shared surroundings can be a constructive way to alleviate this anxiety."
