Buzz
I’ve been making an effort to stop responding with “I know.” I tend to overuse it with friends or my spouse, even when they’re simply offering assistance. Unless someone is being rude or condescending, there’s no need to defend my ego so aggressively. Responding with “Thanks!” or “That’s true!” helps keep the conversation flowing and builds better rapport. Artist Austin Kleon suggests several conversational alternatives that can replace habitual responses.
Kleon offers practical examples: if you struggle with accepting compliments, try saying, “Thank you for saying that.” If faced with criticism and tempted to react harshly, respond with, “You may be right.”
Kleon also references a well-known tip from writer Paul Ford: When meeting someone new and asking about their profession, if you’re unsure how to continue, simply say, “That sounds hard.” This often prompts the other person to share more, moving the conversation beyond superficial small talk.
Mytour writer Alicia Adamczyk recommends following up “What do you do?” with “Do you enjoy it?” This approach, she notes, tends to put people at ease. Personally, I prefer asking, “How do you do that?”—a more neutral yet equally engaging variation of the same question.
A valuable small-talk lesson I’ve learned through experience: when someone shares their expertise, inquire rather than lecture. For instance, if you meet a geneticist, avoid recounting an article you read about CRISPR. Instead, ask for their perspective or clarification on the topic. Frame your questions casually and openly—some individuals prefer not to be put on the spot as authorities. (Also, avoid asking anyone to represent an entire gender, ethnicity, or identity.) Focus on what they’re eager to explain and explore that. Use questions like “How does that work?” or “How do you get good at that?”—these imply respect for their intelligence.
Another conversational pitfall I’ve encountered is the “What have we all watched?” scenario. This happens when everyone lists shows or movies until finding a common one, only to hit a dead end in the discussion. Escape this by suggesting a similar show, film, book, or artist, explaining why you recommend it, and inviting others to share their recommendations.
When asked about your profession and you’d rather not dwell on it, prepare to pivot. Shift the focus to a hobby, a past job you enjoyed, or an aspect of your work that brings you fulfillment. Keep in mind, this isn’t an interrogation—it’s a chance to connect through conversation.
