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Grieving can be an overwhelming process after someone passes, but for some, anticipatory grief arises when a loss is expected. This type of grief occurs in circumstances like when a loved one receives a terminal diagnosis, and the knowledge of the coming loss looms, though it hasn't happened yet.
Why anticipatory grief can be so overwhelming
Despite the awareness of an impending loss, anticipatory grief can trigger a deep and complex emotional journey. The challenge lies in the uncertainty of the situation—there’s still a glimmer of hope that the outcome might change or a desire to find closure before the inevitable occurs, making the grieving process even more tangled and difficult to manage.
“Even though you might anticipate it, the reality still feels like a surprise, no matter how much time we believe we have to prepare,” explained Alexandra Cromer, a licensed professional counselor at Thriveworks. “It’s almost as if there are several losses or many stages of grief.”
For instance, when someone is caring for a parent with dementia, the grief starts with the loss of their mental faculties, followed by mourning the loss of their physical presence. “Grief is never simple,” Cromer remarked.
Anticipatory grief involves a wide array of emotions
“In some situations, anticipatory grief can serve as a way to prepare,” said Cromer. For a parent diagnosed with a terminal illness, it might be a time to discuss their will and end-of-life wishes. But this process also brings a complex range of emotions, many of which can be difficult to understand and painful. “It’s sadness, but also anxiety, frustration, denial, and blame. This can create a lot of turmoil,” Cromer noted.
It can be especially difficult to face these emotions when the loss hasn’t yet occurred. “Many people going through anticipatory grief don’t allow themselves to fully feel these emotions,” Cromer said. “They might think, ‘My mom’s not gone yet, why do I feel this way?’ Or, ‘Okay, she has two years left, why do I feel so anxious and unable to enjoy the time we have left?’”
How to manage anticipatory grief
If you're struggling with anticipatory grief to the point that it disrupts your daily activities, it’s crucial to seek professional help, ideally from someone experienced in various forms of grief. “If it feels like you’re dragging through life, like every step requires extra energy, that’s when it might be time to reach out for help,” said Cromer.
Even if your grief isn’t severely affecting your daily life, Cromer suggests seeking assistance to prevent it from worsening. “Early intervention can make a difference,” Cromer emphasized. “The earlier we address the issue and work with a trusted professional, the more positive the outcomes tend to be.”
