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This week on The Upgrade, psychologist Miriam Kirmayer explores challenging friendship dynamics, shedding light on the difficulties of navigating friendship norms and how to gracefully end relationships that no longer serve you. With nearly a decade of research on the science of friendship, Dr. Kirmayer also pens the Psychology Today column “Casual to Close” and is a sought-after expert for publications like The New York Times, The Atlantic, Forbes, and Time magazine.
Following her advice on ending friendships, Dr. Kirmayer addresses questions from Upgrade listeners and Mytour readers, covering topics from handling a friend’s difficult spouse to making new friends as an adult.
Tune in to The Upgrade above or find it on popular podcast platforms like Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Spotify, iHeartRadio, Stitcher, and NPR One.
Key Moments from This Week’s Episode
Insights from Dr. Kirmayer’s Interview:
Why friendships significantly influence our well-being:
Friendships hold immense power over our mental health and happiness because they are entirely voluntary. Unlike relationships with partners or family, where there’s an inherent expectation to stay connected, friendships rely on continuous, conscious effort to maintain. This ongoing choice to stay involved and connected makes the support and validation from friends incredibly meaningful. However, it also means that when friendships end, the emotional impact can be deeply painful and distressing.
Handling a friend’s harmful actions:
When feeling disrespected by friends, especially regarding your needs, situation, or significant others, my first recommendation is to reflect: Have you communicated your feelings? It’s crucial to express not just that you’re upset, but also explain the why behind it. Often, we assume those close to us understand our pain without explanation. However, providing insight into why something hurts can help others empathize, fostering more constructive conversations. These discussions can lead to solutions and strengthen the relationship. I suggest asking your friend, “What’s happening?” Share the significance of the issue and propose potential solutions.
For more of Miriam’s expert advice, tune into the podcast! You’ll likely recognize common friendship struggles and gain therapist-backed strategies to address them effectively.
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