Buzz
I’m not opposed to bidets—I've got one at home and I do enjoy it. However, there are some bizarre myths about bidets circulating that need to be debunked. One of the most ridiculous: that if you skip the bidet, you’re wandering around with a filthy, poop-streaked backside.
This myth is often spread by long-time bidet users, or those newly converted, who can’t stop talking about it—and it’s utterly illogical. When discussing various butt-cleaning methods, it often turns into something like this Reddit thread, where people who don’t understand how bidets function talk over those who don’t understand how toilet paper works. Around the world, people clean their behinds in all sorts of ways, and guess what? It all works perfectly fine.
It’s not normal for poop to cling to your butt.
I shouldn’t need to explain this, but here we are. Americans (or non-bidet users in general) are not walking around with unclean behinds—or with “dingleberries, skid marks, and more!” as bidet brand Tushy claims. The evidence? If that were true, you’d notice.
If you’ve ever wiped improperly, you know that your skin does not like coming into contact with fecal matter. It itches and burns. Anyone who has cared for a child in diapers is familiar with this—if poop sits on skin for too long, it leads to diaper rash. Thankfully, the rash clears up within a few days of being kept clean and dry.
Yes, it’s possible to have poop on your butt. But you would definitely notice if you did. It would be uncomfortable, and you would take steps to fix it. If your behind feels fine, I promise you’re not walking around with poop in your pants, regardless of what Big Bidet might try to tell you.
Bidets are pretty great though
Now that we’ve settled that you don’t need a bidet, let’s talk about why you might still want one. Even if you’re happy with toilet paper, you might find that a bidet cleans you more effectively with less paper (just a few squares to dry off), and it’s gentler on your skin than repetitive wiping.
If you struggle with hemorrhoids or if your poops are messy enough (for whatever reason) that toilet paper just doesn’t get the job done, washing with cool or lukewarm water can be gentler on your skin. It can also be more accessible for people with disabilities or mobility challenges.
Depending on where you are in the world, common ways to clean your nether regions might include using a cup of water, a squirt bottle, a standalone bidet placed next to the toilet, or a washlet attached to the toilet seat. Japan’s iconic electronic toilets offer both butt-washing and butt-drying functions.
In my home, we use a basic toilet-seat bidet, like this one. It cost about $25 and connects to the same water line as the toilet, so no extra plumbing was needed for installation. Although it doesn’t heat the water—only higher-end models do that—cold water actually feels just fine.
So yes, I’m a fan of bidets. But I don’t mind using toilet paper when I travel. It’s not as comfortable as my at-home pooping experience, but I’m definitely not walking around with a dirty butt. And neither are you.
