Buzz
Saying 'no' to a friend or a colleague isn't something anyone enjoys, but there are times when it's necessary. Surprisingly, most of us find this word difficult to utter, and The Wall Street Journal explored the reasons behind this.
As you might imagine, guilt plays a big part in why we avoid saying 'no,' but it's not the entire picture.
According to Dr. Bohns, one of our core human needs is to feel connected to others and to belong. Saying 'no' can threaten that sense of connection. We're often afraid that rejecting someone will alter their perception of us and leave them feeling hurt.
Unfortunately, rejection often does lead to hurt feelings. Neuroscience reveals that our brains react more strongly to negative experiences than positive ones. Negative information triggers a faster and more intense response in the cerebral cortex, while positive experiences don't have the same effect. Negative memories tend to linger longer as well, a survival mechanism that helps us avoid repeating painful experiences.
Even though psychologists suggest otherwise, most people are likely to be less upset by our "no" than we imagine. This is due to what’s called a "harshness bias"—the tendency to believe others will be more critical of us than they actually are. "The fallout from saying 'no' is probably much worse in our minds than in reality," Dr. Bohns explains.
Fortunately, you can overcome this bias and all the related struggles. We've explored several ways to decline without being rude, but understanding why it’s difficult to say no can make the process a bit easier.
Photo by Tom Woodward.
