Buzz
The key distinction between an argument and a fight is that in a fight, you end up saying hurtful things—remarks you regret. These words linger in your mind, often resurfacing in future disputes. Reddit user Valuable_Armadillo suggests a strategy to avoid this: Whenever you find yourself in the midst of a heated argument, imagine being recorded.
To make this strategy effective, you must internalize the feeling of being recorded. Think back to a recent argument where you said something you regret. (Not a time when you acted out of justified anger—those moments that still make you feel proud. We’re talking only about those moments you wish hadn’t happened.)
Now, picture a camera trained on you. Whether it’s a professional crew filming or a simple security camera with a small blinking red light, it’s clear: Someone is watching, someone is listening.
Imagine watching yourself on a video. Think about having to re-live this argument when everything is calm again. Picture the people in your life watching this video, and how embarrassed you'd feel. Who would you least want to hear your words? Your friends? Family? Partner? In-laws? Your enemy? Visualize them watching this video with you in the room.
If you execute this thought experiment properly, it should be terrifying! Terrifying enough that after a few rounds (ugh), you’ll start associating fighting with that whole vision of being recorded.
Now, in your “I’m being recorded” visualization, think about changing your words. Picture yourself calming down, listening to the other person. Imagine them calming down in return, responding to your calmness. Visualize the argument turning into a dull, reasonable conversation. Imagine the camera turning away in search of more interesting drama.
Do this so that when an argument flares up next time, you think about that camera switching on. This will help you catch yourself, slow down, and speak as though someone is watching. Don’t try to perform for the imaginary camera—passive-aggressive behavior would be clear to anyone observing. Instead, act like your goal is to make the camera go away by stopping the drama.
This requires you to truly listen to the other person, reflect on what they’re saying, and adjust your response accordingly. It pulls you out of the “I need to win” mentality and into a “we need to get along” mindset. Much of the escalation in a fight comes from interpreting the other’s words in the worst possible light to make yourself the “hero.” If you switch to a “get along” mentality, you’ll interpret the other person’s words more generously and fairly. This reduces the chances of you saying something foolish, incorrect, or hurtful, and dramatically increases the chances that you’ll leave the conversation with something positive.
Be grateful that your arguments aren't being recorded. As Reddit user GLITCHEDMATRIX puts it, “I once recorded myself during an argument and didn’t realize how wrong I was until I watched it afterward.”
