Buzz
It's easy for anyone to unintentionally let a backhanded compliment slip into a conversation. Whether it's the word "actually" being emphasized too much, or sneaking in a "but" after something nice, it can be annoying to the person on the receiving end. To prevent this, The Art of Manliness suggests using the "Dinner Table Rule."
The rule is simple: if you're unsure whether a compliment might come across as backhanded, imagine saying it about someone's cooking. If it would be awkward or inappropriate to say at the dinner table, it's likely not the best kind of compliment to give. Here are a few examples:
You've lost so much weight! You still have quite a journey ahead, but keep going! → The food was decent. It’s not quite perfect yet, but you’re getting there!
I really enjoy your site. Not every article resonates with me, but most do. → I liked dinner. The green beans and mashed potatoes weren’t my favorite, but the rest of the meal was great.
That's an impressive college, especially for a state school. → This is a great cake, considering it’s from a box.
You're pretty athletic, for someone who's shorter and chubbier. → Your cooking was surprisingly good, especially since you're new to it.
Haha, a lot of people don't get your sense of humor, but I think you're hilarious. → People had warned me about your cooking, but I actually really enjoyed it.
Nice picture! That must be a high-end camera you’ve got! → This food is delicious! You must have a top-tier oven!
Your paintings are actually quite good. → Dinner was actually really tasty.
It's a straightforward way to evaluate whether a compliment might unintentionally offend. Additionally, if you find yourself saying "actually" while giving a compliment, it’s probably a sign to keep quiet.
Photo by Mirjam Struppek.
