Strategies for Managing Complex Family Money Matters—Plus Additional Etiquette Tips from Hoda and Jenna

Hoda Kotb and Jenna Bush Hager, co-hosts of TODAY with Hoda and Jenna, serve as our etiquette experts for "Modern Manners for Your Social Dilemmas." With years of experience offering candid and heartfelt guidance on air (catch them live weekdays at 10 a.m. ET), they now share their insights on navigating various social challenges, including handling delicate family financial issues.

Need their expertise on a tricky social scenario? Send your questions to [email protected], and they may feature their wise counsel in a future edition of Mytour.

How to Politely Request Someone to Use Headphones

MICHELLE ASKS: Is there a courteous way to suggest someone use headphones or hold their phone to their ear during a conversation in public spaces like elevators, trains, coffee shops, or supermarkets? Let’s face it—your conversation doesn’t need to be on speakerphone!

JENNA BUSH HAGER: If it’s someone you know, simply asking them to use headphones should suffice.

HODA KOTB: True, but if it’s a stranger on a train or elsewhere, you might say, “Excuse me, I’m trying to focus on some work. Would you mind using headphones?” It’s tricky, but sometimes waiting it out leads to someone else stepping in to address the issue.

JBH: If it bothers you that much, consider moving to a different spot if possible.

HK: You can’t control everything around you. There will always be noise—construction, loud conversations, or other distractions. We understand your frustration, though.

How to Tactfully Communicate Hurt Feelings

KATHERINE ASKS: I’m in a book club with six other women. Having moved here from across the country, I sometimes mispronounce local town names. One member often laughs at me when this happens. While I respond politely with, “Thanks for correcting me!” it still stings and feels disrespectful. How should I handle this?

HK: I’d suggest speaking to her privately, not in front of the group. You could say, “I know it might seem funny, but I’m putting in effort, and your laughter feels hurtful.”

JBH: Sometimes people joke without realizing they’re touching a nerve. She might think it’s all in good fun, not realizing it’s upsetting you.

HK: When you let someone know something is a sensitive topic for you, it makes a difference. Everyone has their vulnerabilities.

JBH: Hoda, I really like your suggestion to address this privately rather than in front of everyone.

HK: It’s a brave conversation to have. Keep it simple and direct—mention how much you enjoy book club and that only this one thing bothers you. I bet she’ll stop immediately!

Jenna Bush Hager

How to Navigate Family Financial Disparities

JAMIE ASKS: My husband’s brother is significantly wealthier than we are. He and his partner frequently invite us on trips and cover the costs, mentioning they’ve been fortunate and want us to join. While we occasionally pay for dinner, they handle most expenses. Is this arrangement acceptable, or should we decline since we can’t contribute equally?

JBH: If your brother-in-law is inviting you and is genuinely happy to be generous, then go ahead and join them. Show your gratitude by treating them to dinner when possible. Just keep an eye out for any signs of resentment, but it seems they genuinely want to include you.

HK: They likely understand your financial situation and want to make things easier for you.

JBH: It seems they genuinely want to spend time together as a family, which is incredibly thoughtful. If I were you, I’d embrace it. Contribute by paying for a meal or cooking one when you can.

HK: Trust your gut. If it ever feels overwhelming, it’s okay to step back from an activity. But honestly, it sounds like they truly cherish spending time with you—how wonderful is that?

Decoding Contemporary Dress Codes

GRANDMA ASKS: My husband of 55 years is bothered by our 25-year-old grandson never removing his cap. Many men today don’t take off their hats. What’s the current etiquette regarding headwear?

JBH: I understand this. My grandpa Harold always wore a hat but removed it during meals. My grandmother insisted on no hats at the table. If you want to set that rule in your home, go ahead. Make it clear, and they’ll likely respect it.

HK: Agreed. If your husband has an issue with it, he can set the rule. The key is how he communicates it. He could say something like, “You look fantastic in that hat, but at our table, we ask that you remove it. Feel free to put it back on once the meal is over.”

JBH: Etiquette is really what you decide it to be. At your own dinner table, you’re in charge of the rules!

Got an Etiquette Dilemma?