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Certain superheroes possess absurd abilities. C.J. Burton / Getty ImagesMany of us fantasize about having extraordinary powers, imagining ourselves flying, displaying immense strength, manipulating objects with our thoughts, or generating flames at will. However, for some, the reality of acquiring superhuman abilities becomes a mixed blessing, sometimes more burdensome than beneficial.
For every individual enjoying a superior job, home, and possessions, there are those who dwell in the shadows of greatness, burdened with the unfortunate role of living as society's outcasts. These are the superheroes endowed with laughably inadequate powers, condemned to a life of scorn and derision while battling crime alongside their more talented counterparts. For every high achiever, there exists a lowly underdog with an equally uninspired or cringe-worthy moniker. Let’s delve into the realm of mediocrity and examine the most pitiful superpowers ever conceived.
Numerous options were available, so at the end of the list, I’ve added a few more heroes whose abilities, while not as pitiful as those listed, were still amusingly absurd enough to warrant an honorable mention.
10. Squirrel Girl
Super Power: Can control vast numbers of squirrels to fulfill her commands
Endowed with the extraordinary traits of a squirrel, complete with a bushy tail, Squirrel Girl faced relentless bullying at her high school. Seeking solace, she retreated to the nearby forest, where she formed a deep bond with the squirrel community, swiftly rising as their leader. Among her furry companions, Monkey Joe stood out, becoming her trusted sidekick. Empowered by her newfound confidence, she aspired to join Iron Man as his ally. She surprised Iron Man with a demonstration of her squirrel-driven abilities, but he remained unimpressed and dismissive of the young heroine. Later, when Iron Man found himself in peril during an attack by Doctor Doom, Squirrel Girl directed her squirrel army to gnaw through the machinery ensnaring him, securing his freedom. Despite her heroic efforts, Iron Man continued to reject her. Squirrel-based powers are undeniably quirky, aren’t they?
http://geekmom.com/2015/03/the-unbeatable-squirrel-girl/ Source: Geekmom.com
9. Cypher
Super Power: Advanced translation and decryption skills
As a member of the X-Men, Cypher possessed the unique ability to interpret any language or decode any cipher. While his skills were invaluable during conflicts for deciphering enemy codes or communicating with extraterrestrial beings, he often proved ineffective in combat, frequently seeking refuge behind trees. Plagued by insecurity and fear, Cypher lacked defensive capabilities and depended on his teammates for safety. His life was tragically cut short by the malevolent geneticist known as Ani-Mator. Posthumously, Cypher garnered a devoted fanbase, though whether their admiration stemmed from pity or genuine respect remains unclear.
http://community.comicbookresources.com/archive/index.php/t-480.html Source: Community.comicbookresources.com
8. Rainbow Girl
Super Power:
You might facepalm in disbelief when you discover what DC was envisioning with the creation of Dori Aandraison, Rainbow Girl. This character, steeped in outdated stereotypes, depended on her emotional states rather than physical prowess to navigate challenges. A caricature of femininity, she wielded the rainbow's hues—red for rage, blue for hope, and green for determination—to support her allies and combat crime through her emotionally charged abilities. Even more cringe-worthy was her rainbow pheromone shield, which inexplicably made her the most adored and universally cherished individual in her world.
http://www.comicvine.com/forums/gen-discussion-1/potentially-the-most-powerful-character-in-dc-741285/ Source: Comicvine.com
7. Color Kid
Super Power: Ability to alter the color of any object at will
Color Kid was a member of the Legion of Substitute Heroes, a group formed by individuals rejected from the League of Super Heroes due to their seemingly useless abilities. Determined to prove their worth, they banded together. Originally a scientist’s assistant on his home planet, Color Kid gained his peculiar power after being struck by a multicolored beam from another dimension, granting him the ability to alter the color of any object. While his power might seem trivial, it occasionally proved useful—like when he changed the colors of the earth and sky during a critical battle or transformed green kryptonite into blue, neutralizing its harmful effects on attackers. Despite these rare victories, Color Kid’s abilities remain largely impractical, though he’d be your go-to guy for redecorating walls or changing hair color.
http://www.comicvine.com/color-kid/4005-32224/images/ Source: Comicvine.com
6. Arm-Fall-Off-Boy
Super Power: Ability to detach his arms
The name says it all. Why bother with weapons like bats or crowbars when you can simply detach your arm and use it to pummel your enemies? Arm-Fall-Off-Boy is always prepared for combat, and his willingness to lend a hand—literally—makes him a unique, if not absurd, hero. However, his power is undeniably one of the most bizarre and ineffective ever conceived. DC’s creation of Arm-Fall-Off-Boy demonstrates how a superpower can be reduced to little more than a quirky gimmick.
http://www.comicsbeat.com/arm-fall-off-boy-visits-the-stately-beat-manor-comics-pull-best-comics-of-the-week-for-42915/ Source: Comicsbeat.com
5. Matter Eater Lad
Super Power: Exceptional digestive enzymes capable of consuming any substance
This hero takes the concept of “super” to a whole new level, albeit in the most absurd way possible. With a name that sounds like a joke, Matter Eater Lad can chew, swallow, and digest his way through any obstacle. Whether it’s a massive metal door or an impenetrable barrier, it’s all just a meal for him. Hailing from the planet Bismoll, which amusingly shares its name with a stomach remedy, Matter Eater Lad might seem laughable, but he’s proven to be a serious contender in the fight against crime.
http://www.atomica.com/article/1282417/11-superheroes-with-stupid-useless-powers Source: Atomica.com
4. Dogwelder
Super Power: Attaching dog heads to the faces of his adversaries
This superpower undoubtedly takes the crown for being the most bizarre, venturing into the realm of the downright disturbing. Dogwelder, a character from the Hitman series, was part of Section Eight, a team of superheroes known for their unorthodox crime-fighting methods. His ability is as literal as it gets: he welds dog heads onto the faces of wrongdoers. While it’s unclear how this grotesque tactic deters criminal activity, one can only assume it’s a form of extreme humiliation meant to drive villains into seclusion.
http://www.denofgeek.com/books-comics/thor/11297/10-comic-book-characters-who-should-never-make-it-to-film Source: Denofgeek.com
3. Zan
Super Power: Can morph into various water-based states
Zan, one half of the Wonder Twins, possesses the ability to transform into water in its different forms—solid, liquid, or gas. His twin sister, Jayna, can assume the shape and abilities of any animal, whether real or mythical. While Jayna might turn into a fearsome dragon or a swift eagle, Zan’s transformations are limited to things like puddles or ice cubes. When evil threatens Earth, Zan’s contributions might involve drenching enemies or creating slippery obstacles, while Jayna unleashes her animalistic fury to save the day.
http://smallville.wikia.com/wiki/File:1380905486457.jpg Source: Smallville.wikia.com
2. The Red Bee
Super Power: Trains bees to combat criminals
Rick Raleigh, the Assistant District Attorney of Superior City, led a double life as a vigilante named The Red Bee. However, unlike Batman, his crime-fighting persona was far from impressive. Clad in a red bodysuit paired with a pink pirate-style blouse and striped leggings, his outfit alone made him a laughingstock. His so-called superpower was even more absurd: he fought crime with the help of his loyal sidekick, Michael—a trained bumblebee that resided in his utility belt. The Red Bee spent his time training bees to attack criminals, a futile endeavor given that bees die after stinging. With such a useless ability, Rick might have been better off sticking to his legal career.
http://www.comicvine.com/richard-raleigh/4005-47128/ Source: Comicvine.com
1. Doorman
Super Power: Can turn himself into a functional door
As a member of the Great Lakes Avengers, Doorman’s unique ability was to transform into a door, allowing others to pass through him into an adjacent room. While this might sound mildly useful, the limitation that the rooms must be adjoining makes his power laughably impractical. If Doorman could teleport people across greater distances, his significance might increase, but as it stands, his ability is a prime example of a superpower that falls flat.
http://www.writeups.org/fiche.php?id=3802 Source: Writeups.org
Honorable mentions include Ant-Man, Tar Baby, Tattoo Man, Bouncing Boy, and Aqualad.
