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Getting out of debt is never simple, and while there’s no shortage of practical tips available, the emotional burden is a significant, often neglected hurdle. When you feel completely overwhelmed by debt, it only intensifies the challenge. While money is needed to solve the problem, changing your mindset to one of empowerment will carry you through the lengthy journey toward financial independence.
In Dear Debt, personal finance expert Melanie Lockert shares her experience of paying off over $80,000 in student loans in under five years. She highlights that while all the essential financial advice is part of the plan, what truly helped her the most was altering her perspective on money.
Cultivate an Attitude of Gratitude
It’s completely normal to feel frustration when paying off debt. You have to sacrifice certain comforts, even the small ones. When your balance is overwhelming, it feels as though you’ll never be able to afford those extras again. Lockert shared with us:
When I was struggling with debt, I couldn’t help but feel frustrated by everything I was missing out on. All the things I couldn’t do. It was overwhelming and made me want to spend more just to feel better.
After battling depression, Lockert sought help from a therapist at her grad school to discuss her challenges. On her therapist’s advice, she began writing down three things she was thankful for every day.
These could be anything. I wrote down simple things like enjoying a warm cup of coffee, having a home, and being surrounded by family. Once I shifted my mindset and focused on gratitude instead of what I lacked, I realized I was already ‘rich’ in many meaningful ways.
Gratitude can significantly reduce those financial urges that make escaping debt more difficult. A study published in Psychological Science (PDF) supports this. Participants were asked to reflect on one of three emotions—happiness, gratitude, or ‘neutral’—before making a financial decision. They were then asked to choose between receiving a small sum of money now or a larger sum later. Those who focused on gratitude were almost twice as likely to delay immediate rewards and make smarter financial choices. Here’s how the results varied:
I can relate to Lockert’s journey as well. I spent years operating with a scarcity mindset. Once I learned to appreciate what I had instead of obsessing over what I lacked, I began feeling more confident and empowered. This shift helped me stop emotional spending, but it also motivated me to learn about investing, take risks in my career, and face my general fear of money. When you feel empowered, it becomes easier to tackle even the most daunting goals.
Transform Jealousy into Productivity
Jealousy is a toxic emotion, and when it comes to your finances, it often leads to poor choices. The idea of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ is rooted in jealousy. Personally, when I feel jealous, I often feel inadequate. In the past, that feeling of inadequacy would prompt me to spend on clothes or other distractions. Subconsciously, I thought that if I looked good enough, I would feel valuable. This not only harmed my emotions, but it also wrecked my finances.
Mytour alum Melanie Pinola shared her journey overcoming jealousy. She explained that it boiled down to practicing mindfulness, embracing gratitude, and recognizing that praise isn’t a limited resource. Trent Hamm’s ‘Five Whys Method’ was a key tool for me. Over at The Simple Dollar, Hamm writes:
At the root of jealousy lies desire. Whether you recognize it consciously or not, there’s something that someone else has which you want in your life. But why do you want it? I find it helpful to apply the ‘five whys’ technique when addressing such questions. Whenever I encounter a ‘why’ question, I repeat it five times, each time questioning the answer I just provided.
This method is powerful because it allows you to uncover the real reason behind your jealousy, which often leads you to a more constructive discovery: a goal. From a debt perspective, this is especially valuable because it helps keep you focused on your objectives and prevents you from making choices that could undo your progress, such as unnecessary spending that drags you back into debt. Not only can you stop jealousy from sabotaging your finances, but you can turn it into something much more beneficial. Lockert explains:
If you’re feeling envious of someone’s success, let that motivate you to work harder. If they can achieve it, so can you. Everyone begins somewhere, and it’s unwise to compare your path to someone else’s.
In her book, Lockert shares how she turned jealousy into a positive force by networking. She reached out to peers she admired, seeking advice and career insights. This not only served a practical purpose but an emotional one as well. By transforming negative emotions into something positive, you reduce the impulse to make unnecessary purchases to fill the emotional void, preventing further debt accumulation. Additionally, you broaden your network, creating more opportunities for income growth.
Seek Ways to Accelerate Your Debt Repayment
You can be as frugal as possible and trim every expense, but earning more money right from the start will take you much further, faster.
Of course, that’s much easier said than done. Most people don’t have jobs that offer limitless pay. Most people also don’t have the free time to take on a second job or side hustle. This is where resourcefulness comes into play.
I came to realize that debt had a grip on my life in more ways than one, and my circumstances kept me trapped in a negative feedback loop. I felt paralyzed, unsure of how to escape. After feeling this way for over a year, I knew I had to make a change. That’s when I shifted into problem-solving mode. How could I break free from this situation? What could I do to turn this challenge into an opportunity?
Sure, there are plenty of ways to make extra money, but not all of them will be suitable for everyone. People often sell or rent things around the house, but not everyone has these items. Eventually, you need to rule out the options that don’t work for you and focus on what is possible. Lockert shares:
Not being able to land full-time work really damaged my self-esteem. I started to feel like I wasn’t worthy of a job or of earning money. In response to this struggle, I dove into side hustling to earn extra cash. I worked as a brand ambassador, event assistant, pet sitter, mother’s helper, and more. I took on whatever I could. Once I stopped focusing on the idea of a traditional job, I realized there were money-making opportunities everywhere.
I began to see myself as a money-making machine, believing that by leveraging my skills, connections, and determination, I could create work opportunities. Work leads to more work, especially when you deliver exceptional results, follow up, and consistently build your reputation.
Lockert started viewing her challenges as opportunities. When I asked my mom how she managed to save ten thousand dollars and move us to a better neighborhood on a minimum wage salary, she shared a similar insight: opportunities aren’t always enjoyable. For example, her ‘opportunity’ came in the form of overtime at her difficult job. ‘Most people wouldn’t see that as an opportunity,’ she confessed. But her focus was entirely on supporting her goal of moving, attending school, and securing a better job.
Naturally, this solution may not work for everyone. The important thing is to figure out what works for you. Actively searching for opportunities to pay off debt will help you immensely. As Lockert puts it:
It’s often difficult to see the silver lining when facing challenges. However, if you can shift your perspective and turn a challenge into an opportunity, you’ll navigate the situation more swiftly — and stay grounded even when everything around you feels like it’s falling apart. The key is activating hope when things seem hopeless.
Much of the debt advice available focuses on the practical tools and strategies to help you get out of debt. While these tools are essential, it’s easy to overlook the emotional toll debt can take. Debt can leave you feeling defeated, powerless, and out of control. It becomes much harder to achieve your goals when you’re in this mindset. But once you learn to manage the emotional aspects of debt, using those tools and methods becomes far more effective.
Artwork by: Sam Woolley
