Buzz
Gym class can be both exhilarating and terrifying: exciting for its focus on health, competition, and physical fitness, but daunting due to its cutthroat grading system, awkward requirements (honestly, why are private shower stalls even a thing in school locker rooms?), and lack of proper guidance. Gym class is notorious for misinformation, such as the idea that it's perfectly fine for a teacher to show up hungover, or that the sports, games, and activities played there rarely find a place in the real world. Certainly not in any meaningful way, at least outside of school.
Take lacrosse, for example—there’s no real league for it outside of gym class, and the closest you’ll get to using a lacrosse stick is probably flicking dog waste into a trash bag with a pooper scooper. Sure, informal clubs exist, but there are only a few major sports that are given any real attention, and they’ve earned that status as national pastimes. In this article, we’ll dive into activities that fade away once the gym doors close: the top 10 pastimes that rarely exist outside the realm of gym class.
10. Jump Rope
It’s undeniable that jumping rope is an excellent cardio workout, and let’s be real, there’s always that one gym-goer who’s eager to show off their skills, as if the mere mention of 'jump rope' doesn’t immediately trigger memories of 'double dutch' and neon pink nylon ropes with frilly handles. After all, it’s the go-to activity for little girls. Luckily, they do come in shades of baby boy blue too. True gender equality at work.
9. Handball
Also known as 'gatorball,' 'Z-Ball,' or whatever your gym teacher decided to call it, this game had many names but little consistency. Essentially a mashup of soccer and basketball, handball allowed players to kick the ball up into their hands (or someone else’s) and pass it around like it was a basketball game. It was fun in the moment, but definitely not made for indoor play—especially when a rogue ball could easily land in the face of the girl with glasses sitting in the bleachers. The game never really caught on, perhaps because it was a patchwork of other sports, including dodgeball, with no real identity of its own.
8. Obstacle Course
The only other place an obstacle course really makes sense is military boot camp (which gym class seemed determined to prepare timid middle schoolers for). There was the notorious rope climb, tempting us to swing from it like Tarzan before the gym teacher turned beet red with fury. Then there was that strange box where we’d stretch to see how far we could push a knob, a test of flexibility. The pull-up bar, of course, was the great separator of the scrawny boys and the ones who had entered puberty. And let’s not forget the step box. Looking back, it’s clear there were a lot of random contraptions whose sole purpose seemed to be to “size you up for the pick'n's.” These oddities are hard to find elsewhere (except for the pull-up bar), but they might actually serve a purpose if they were more widely available, say for people who are old enough to prioritize health. Otherwise, though, that week in gym class was the worst—just after the scoliosis screenings.
7. Water Polo
Imagine regular polo, but instead of a golf club, you’re using an open palm and a volleyball, and instead of a horse, it’s water. That’s the essence of Water Polo. A more accurate description would be swimming meets handball, with handball being soccer but with hands. It’s an intense game that demands a level of fitness and lung capacity that only teenagers seem to possess. For that reason, it’s mostly relegated to extra-curriculars (this is where the line was drawn between fun and cruel when it came to grading based on ability).
6. Badminton
While it wouldn’t be accurate to claim this game only exists within gym class, the next best place you’ll likely find it is in a yuppie’s backyard or at a corporate barbecue. It’s undeniably fun, especially because it defies gravity in such a charming way, making a falling object seem a little less daunting. It’s definitely more enjoyable to play than to watch (which is probably why it’s not on TV).
5. Crab Soccer
Just like it sounds, this game had you assume a ridiculous, Exorcist-like position while continuing to play a regular game of soccer. As if soccer needed more ways to make scoring feel impossible (with scores that rarely top a third of the total). Still, it was a ton of fun and just as entertaining to watch as it was to play.
4. Pickle Ball
At its core, this game was essentially just table tennis on a much larger scale. The key components were a plastic paddle, a wiffle ball, and a low net. It took a game room classic and added a dash of athleticism, though it’s easy to see why it never replaced real tennis—largely because plastic on plastic doesn’t exactly provide much in the way of trajectory. Next, we might see large-scale foosball with giant plastic spinning players and real soccer goals.
3. Dodgeball
Also known as 'Find-and-Eliminate Fatty,' dodgeball is the ultimate test of who in a group is fit to survive and reproduce (and, yes, all those genital shots play a part in the decision). The game demands coordination, reflexes, and instincts—things that no video game can teach. When a gym teacher lets this game continue, all notions of fairness and decency are tossed aside in favor of primal instincts. Imagine if dodgeball replaced job interviews; there’d be no room for the weak in this world. The upside? The world would be a much more beautiful, if less intelligent, place.
2. Ultimate Frisbee
Good news: Football has officially been made accessible to those not motivated by competition—namely, stoners. Ultimate Frisbee is essentially football with a disc, which is way easier to catch than a ball (you know, the one that’s terrifying when it comes straight toward you). A frisbee floats gently through the air before landing safely in someone's hands. Unsurprisingly, this 'sport' has yet to find its way beyond college campuses. Maybe if it had a better work ethic, it could go further.
1. Tumbling
This is what gym teachers referred to as 'Gymnastics for Men.' In this category, boys would 'tumble,' perform handstands, cartwheels, and various other feats that would likely be prime targets for teasing if not for the fact that EVERYONE had to take part. The only saving grace: leotards were not required. While gymnastics certainly has its place in the world, as men compete in Olympic events, there are very few recreational clubs dedicated to this activity—partly due to its lack of team involvement.
