Buzz
The holiday season is filled with joy, gratitude, and love, but it also brings a few Christmas tunes that can make you cringe. While some songs are timeless classics, like Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" or Mariah Carey's “All I Want for Christmas Is You”, others fall into the category of holiday horrors.
1. "Dominick the Donkey" by Lou Monte
Santa doesn't rely solely on reindeer for his deliveries. Lou Monte, an Italian-American singer, explains that when Santa visits his "paisans," he brings along his donkey Dominick, as reindeer can't navigate Italy's hilly terrain. Released in 1960, this song was initially seen as a novelty, but it gained popularity in New Jersey's Italian communities, where Monte grew up. While the constant donkey braying may annoy adults, it’s sure to amuse children.
2. "The Christmas Shoes" by NewSong
"The Christmas Shoes" leans more toward depressing than annoying, which can be particularly grating when you're aiming to embrace the festive spirit. This overly sentimental tune tells the story of a young boy trying to buy shoes for his ailing mother so she can "look beautiful if she meets Jesus tonight." Hard pass. To make matters worse, a made-for-TV movie was later created based on the song. We'd rather find coal in our stockings.
3. "All I Want for Christmas (Is My Two Front Teeth)" by Spike Jones & His City Slickers
This 1940s track is annoyingly catchy, but its overly sweet lyrics and the exaggerated lisp often used in recordings push it to a whole new level of irritation. Losing baby teeth is a natural part of growing up! Why not ask Santa for something cooler, like a PlayStation?
4. "The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don't Be Late)" by The Chipmunks
The reason "Christmas Don't Be Late" is so irritating can be summed up in one phrase: "the Chipmunks sang it." Penned by Ross Bagdasarian Sr. and released in 1958, the song became a massive hit, topping the Billboard Hot 100 Pop Singles chart and winning three awards at the inaugural Grammy Awards. For context, that’s three more Grammys than Queen’s iconic "Bohemian Rhapsody" ever received.
5. "Wiggly Wiggly Christmas" by The Wiggles
It feels unfair to criticize The Wiggles, an Australian children’s group known for their energetic and quirky style. However, the relentless repetition of "wiggly wiggly Christmas" might just make you consider telling your kids Santa’s sick and calling off the holidays entirely.
6. "Do They Know It's Christmas" by Band-Aid
"Do They Know It's Christmas" was created to address the Ethiopian famine in the mid-1980s. Bob Geldof, driven to raise funds for the cause, gathered a supergroup of stars, including Bono, Boy George, George Michael, Phil Collins, and Sting, to record the song in a single 24-hour session. Released shortly after, the heavily promoted track raised millions for famine relief. While the cause was noble, the song itself comes across as condescending, patronizing, and imperialistic, not to mention musically lacking. Geldof even admitted it was one of the "worst songs in history," alongside "We Are the World."
7. "Gott nytt jul" by Sean Banan
Even without understanding Swedish, the irritation of Sean Banan's 2013 Eurovision contestant song "Gott nytt jul" becomes clear within seconds, thanks to its use of a fart sound effect. For Swedish speakers, the annoyance doubles with lyrics like Santa being told to "bring your ho ho hoes." And the music video? Let’s just say a Santa-suited man twerking speaks a universal language of cringe.
8. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" by William Hung
William Hung, the tone-deaf American Idol contestant known for his infamous take on Ricky Martin's "She Bangs," somehow released a holiday album titled Hung for the Holidays. Even back in 2004, the world could be a harsh and bizarre place.
9. "I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas" by Gayla Peevey
Before Fiona the hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo became a viral sensation, 10-year-old Gayla Peevey captured hearts with her quirky song about wanting a hippopotamus for Christmas. Released in 1953, the track was an immediate success, earning Peevey a spot on The Ed Sullivan Show. A promoter organized a fundraiser to gift her a real hippo, which was later donated to the Oklahoma City Zoo. Matilda, the hippo, became a beloved resident until her passing in 1998. However, the song contains a factual error: while Peevey’s mom warns that a hippo might eat her, the lyrics claim hippos are vegetarians. In reality, hippos are omnivores with carnivorous tendencies. We can forgive the whimsy of a pet hippo, but not the misinformation!
10. "Shake Up Christmas" by Train
In 2010, the band behind "Drops of Jupiter" attempted to embrace the holiday spirit with this track. Unfortunately, lyrics like rhyming "smile" with "smile" and lines such as "Before I get too old and don't remember it, so let's December it and reassemble it" make us want to duck behind the Christmas tree rather than celebrate around it.
