Buzz
[Please be advised that this list is completely fabricated and meant for entertainment. Enjoy your April Fools’ Day!]
10. The Orwigsburg Clowns
On the afternoon of July 18, 2014, 42-year-old Robert Gilnitz returned home from work and was about to check his mailbox when an unexpected clown appeared and yanked Robert’s pants down.
Without hesitation, the large man threw a wild punch at his assailant, only to watch in disbelief as the clown performed a backflip onto Robert’s truck, frolicked across his yard, and vaulted over his fence, vanishing from sight. "I couldn’t believe it," Robert later recalled. "He was in full clown attire, and he leapt over my fence like a monkey."
Robert’s experience wasn’t a one-off. For nearly 20 minutes that afternoon, the quiet town of Orwigsburg, Pennsylvania, found itself unexpectedly overrun by acrobatic, pants-pulling clowns. Every clown seemed to be skilled in parkour.
The bizarre event was caught on several surveillance cameras across the town. Each video depicted the same scenario: A clown would sneak up behind a passerby, yank their pants down, and swiftly run away.
No one could stop them. Hedges, fences, and walls did nothing to hinder the parkour clowns’ agility, but they were enough to thwart anyone trying to give chase. One police officer tried to Tase a clown, but he missed and ended up with his own pants down. There were rumors that townspeople shot at the clowns, but no one was hit.
Just as suddenly as it began, the spectacle was over. The clowns vanished without a trace. In total, 32 people had their pants pulled down. Authorities couldn’t determine how many clowns were involved, though they estimated at least 15. Accurate descriptions were impossible due to the clowns’ costumes and makeup.
A security camera at the local grocery store recorded a van dropping off four clowns, though this number didn’t seem sufficient to explain all the pantsings. Even though many people were heading home from work at that time, no one reported seeing the van again, nor were any vehicles with clown-costumed drivers or passengers observed.
The events of that day seem to be one of the most intricately planned pranks ever captured on film. Nothing was stolen, nothing was broken, and no one suffered any physical harm. They were simply pantsed. However, the locals didn’t find it funny. "This was a crime and no laughing matter," the police stated to reporters.
The clowns were never identified or caught, and there have been no similar incidents since.
9. What Are Shadows?
Until recently, scientists viewed darkness simply as the absence of light. However, recent studies suggest that this might not be the case. Albert Einstein famously proved that nothing can travel faster than light. If darkness were truly just the absence of light, it should travel at the same speed as light, disappearing instantly when light vanishes. But intriguingly, darkness often seems to move faster than light.
Hold your hand up to cast a shadow on a wall, then wave it quickly. Notice how the shadow moves at the same speed as your hand. Now, stand farther from the wall and wave your hand again. Your shadow will grow larger but still move at the same speed, even though it’s covering a greater distance. Now, imagine using a bright lamp to cast the shadow of your hand on the Moon at night. The shadow will still move at the same speed, even though it must travel thousands of miles to reach the Moon’s surface. If you wave your hand fast enough, the shadow could exceed the speed of light.
So, how can darkness move faster than light? Einstein’s theory of special relativity suggests that traveling faster than light would be akin to time travel, as it would allow information to be received before being sent. Yet, special relativity also asserts that it would require infinite energy to send an object faster than light, which is impossible. However, darkness is not a physical object made of matter, and thus doesn’t require energy to move. This means it might be able to travel through time without breaking the laws of physics.
To test this theory, scientists at MIT are currently monitoring shadows on the Moon’s surface. In six months, these same scientists plan to encode the results of the 2016 Olympics into shadows and cast them onto the Moon. The best part is that the experiment will be inexpensive—if the results don’t arrive before the Olympics, the experiment will be deemed a failure and they won’t bother projecting the shadows onto the Moon.
8. The Window-Licking Alchemists Of Magoria
In 2015, archaeologist James Marigold unearthed a mystery as ancient as the glaciers themselves. Deep within an icy cavern near Hankleburg, Tennessee, he discovered the remains of a 20,000-year-old cult, which he refers to as the window-licking alchemists from the lost civilization of Magoria.
The discovery revealed six mummified individuals—four men, one woman, and one that “might be a bear”—arranged in a semicircle around a stone altar surrounded by artifacts. The bodies had been naturally preserved due to the cave's conditions.
“The items on the altar were your typical alchemical tools,” Marigold explained. “Bowls, mugs, forks, resurrection spells carved into the wishbones of crippled geese. A bear. Just basic stuff.” What truly fascinated Marigold, however, were the mummified bodies, some of which were missing limbs. Following the window-licking belief system, the cult had apparently undergone what he called “the big lick.”
There are no written or oral records of the secretive window-lickers, and until now, their existence was unknown. According to Marigold, who wrote his college thesis on interspecies breeding among dinosaurs (“Stega-score-us!”), the practitioners of this newly discovered cult didn’t lick actual windows. That’s a myth he’s keen to dispel. They considered their actions a metaphor—they were licking the windows of the soul “like a puppy stuck on the back patio trying to get inside, where the lights are on and everyone’s laughing.” Soul-window licking never caught on, though “it did have its followers. I know because I found them. They’re right there in the cave, behind the bear.”
“They took up the postures meant to guide them through the transition to the other side. The ‘pane’ of death.” Marigold laughs. “That’s why their mouths are open, see, like they died in screams. But they’re actually sticking out their tongues, licking salvation. After some sort of mystic alchemical ritual, they dispersed randomly around the cave and awaited death. Not many people followed through. And there was also that bear.”
Describing the partially devoured bodies, Marigold said, “One man had his hands raised, fingers spread, facing the bear, almost as if he was saying, ‘Hey, Marigold, you found us.’ He looked calm, serene, really.”
Marigold made this groundbreaking discovery while chasing a tetherball that had come loose. He remarked that at first it all seemed “super mysterious” and admitted he was “completely baffled,” but once he developed a theory that excluded the bear, everything started to make sense.
7. This Rock Right Here
In June 2014, archaeologists investigating a site in Shaftsbury, Vermont, made a curious discovery. Among smaller pebbles and a scattering of dead twigs, they found a rock measuring 15 centimeters (6 in) across and nearly 2.5 centimeters (1 in) wide. Even more than a year after its discovery, the rock's true origin and purpose remain entirely unknown.
The rock is estimated to be anywhere from 2,300 to 3.8 billion years old. Although investigators have yet to weigh it, estimates suggest it could weigh as much as 400 grams (14 oz). It is theorized that the interior of the rock might contain multiple layers, varying in color and density, though this remains unconfirmed, as splitting the rock could damage its structure, according to experts.
One possibility is that the rock was used as a weapon by Ardipithecus ramidus, an early human ancestor. If this act of violence was acknowledged and punished by other proto-humans, it could represent the earliest known example of legal proceedings. Another theory is that the rock had religious significance, playing a role in sacrificial rites or in crushing grapes for sacramental wine. Anthropologists haven't ruled out the idea that the rock might have been worshiped as a god, and its potential use as a navigational tool or precursor to modern GPS technology is significant.
Numerous theories exist about the rock’s true nature, but the truth remains a mystery.
6. The Frozen People Of Grand Central Terminal
Mass hysteria describes a phenomenon where a group of people share a delusion, leading them to behave similarly, as when entire villages show symptoms of the same illness, despite none of the villagers being actually ill. There have been many historical instances of such collective hysteria. Today, thanks to platforms like YouTube, cases of mass hysteria can be captured and studied in unprecedented ways. However, researchers still haven’t provided a solid explanation for why these events occur, often resorting to an exasperated shrug.
One of the most well-known examples of mass hysteria in recent times occurred at Grand Central Terminal in New York on February 24, 2007. At precisely 2:30 PM, over 200 people found themselves inexplicably frozen in place. They halted all movement, remaining in the same position while life around them continued. The “mass freeze” lasted for about five minutes, after which the individuals resumed their activities without any apparent side effects.
Experts have yet to identify what caused this strange event or why only some visitors were affected. Grand Central Terminal is not alone in having experienced mass hysteria. Other incidents, such as a spontaneous song-and-dance performance at Antwerp Central Station, Belgium or an impromptu lightsaber brawl in Bristol, England, continue to puzzle researchers and doctors alike.
Behavioral scientist David Foolery at the University of Southern Fiji suggests that much of modern mass hysteria can be attributed to social media interactions and a phenomenon he refers to as Mico Vulgus (roughly translated as “mob of flashes”), in which a larger group unconsciously imitates the actions of a few initial participants. The reality is, we may never fully understand this perplexing group behavior.
5. The Killing Of Albert Smith
On October 7, 1983, authorities were alerted to a potential shooting in Palos Hills, Illinois, when a neighbor called the police. Upon arriving at the residence, officers were let in by Evelyn Smith, 34, who appeared visibly shaken. After inspecting the house, they found the lifeless body of her 36-year-old husband, Albert Smith, lying on the floor of a bedroom, having succumbed to multiple gunshot wounds.
There were no signs of forced entry into the house. Interviews with neighbors revealed no suspicious visitors in the area, and local surveillance footage showed no irregular activity.
A meticulous search of the home led to the discovery of the murder weapon: a double-action revolver, which had been purchased by Evelyn for self-defense. Strangely, the gun bore no fingerprints except for Evelyn’s, offering no clues about the identity of the shooter. The gun had been concealed in a drawer filled with socks and personal belongings before being removed from the premises through an unknown exit. What was most puzzling was that the murderer had entered, committed the crime, and left without alerting Evelyn to any disturbance.
Suspicion quickly shifted toward Albert's mistress, 26-year-old Nadine Rice. Albert had been planning to leave his wife and start a new life with Nadine, intending to inform his wife of his decision that very week. However, Nadine had an ironclad alibi, having been seen working the evening shift at a busy diner during the time of the murder.
The death of Albert Smith would have left Evelyn Smith in financial ruin, but a recently taken life insurance policy on Albert’s life provided her with a significant payout. More than 30 years after Albert's murder, investigators have still not uncovered a credible suspect, leaving the case unresolved.
4. A Bizarre, Deadly Celestial Force
According to researchers at NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory in Pasadena, California, Earth is currently being bombarded by mysterious rays originating from the very core of our solar system. These electromagnetic rays, which can be both visible and invisible, are believed to have the potential to dramatically impact the future of our planet.
These strange rays, referred to as “s-rays,” persistently strike our freshwater supplies, transforming them into something unusable. Their effects have also been observed on crops: While many plants exhibit some degree of adaptation to s-rays, the overall impact on vegetation is still unknown. Man-made structures are far from immune either. Experts claim that artistic masterpieces degrade in the presence of s-rays, and even everyday items like mobile phones and motor vehicles become harder to use after prolonged exposure.
The full effects of these rays on humans are not entirely understood, but they are serious and can be deadly. Many cancer cases have been directly tied to the invisible components of the rays. Even in cases where cancer doesn’t develop, extended exposure often results in visible organ damage. Medical professionals suggest using personal barriers and possibly topical treatments to help counteract the harmful effects.
Curiously, parts of the Earth at any given time do not receive s-rays at all, yet there is never a time when the entire planet is free from them. The precise schedule of s-ray activity can be calculated by NASA, and this information is accessible in government facilities.
While many argue that studying s-rays is crucial for understanding their nature and preventing potential disasters, they are likely to remain a mystery for the foreseeable future. Scientists caution that prolonged observation of the rays' source can cause permanent damage, including irreversibly impaired vision.
3. The Secret Code Of The US Civil War
During the tumult of the US Civil War, three names stood out: Abraham Lincoln, Jefferson Davis, and Esther Pettifor. Unlike Lincoln and Davis, Miss Pettifor did not align herself with either side. Her sole mission was to uplift the spirits of all the soldiers—and the men adored her for it.
She was, of course, only one woman, and there were countless battle-weary soldiers. So, in a gesture of generosity, Miss Pettifor wrote a book to encourage women throughout America to join her cause.
The book was short, but Miss Pettifor’s Guide to Private Pleasures quickly became a sensation. It was said to have outshone the Kama Sutra, particularly with the revelation in chapter five that made Miss Pettifor irresistible to the troops.
However, President Lincoln's advisors began to grow suspicious, suspecting that Miss Pettifor might actually be a Confederate spy. They theorized that her guide was, in reality, a cleverly disguised codebook, used to convey Union military movements under the guise of sexual advice.
Before authorities could bring her in for questioning, a deadly consumption epidemic claimed the lives of Miss Pettifor, the printer, and all the men who supposedly knew her secret.
In response, federal agents seized as many copies of Miss Pettifor’s book as possible and transported them to the White House for scrutiny. President Lincoln awaited their arrival, accompanied by his most trusted codebreaker, whose identity was known only to Lincoln himself.
“Gentlemen, this could hold the key to winning the war,” Lincoln declared.
Wishing to discuss the matter in private, Lincoln ordered the codebreaker to work in a nearby room with the door shut. A reliable female secretary was also present to document the moment when the code was cracked.
The president and his advisers had barely begun discussing the latest military update when they were suddenly interrupted by the secretary’s delighted moans from the adjacent room. Then, a loud thud echoed as a body hit the floor, followed by the agonized scream of the codebreaker.
“Sir, are you alright? Are you alright?” the secretary cried out in panic.
Moments later, the door to the adjacent room creaked open. The codebreaker used one arm to drag himself across the floor and into the president’s office. His shirt was torn to shreds, and his face twisted in agony.
As the president’s advisers hurried to his side, Lincoln peered over his desk, his brow furrowed with worry. “Sir, what happened?” Lincoln inquired.
The codebreaker struggled to lift his head a few inches off the floor. “Misprint—page 37,” he wheezed.
His head fell back to the floor with a thud. And so, Miss Pettifor’s secret became one of the greatest unsolved mysteries of the US Civil War.
2. Can We Truly Experience Happiness?
Do people genuinely experience happiness? While the obvious answer might be “yes,” can we actually prove this empirically? Professor Bryan Shannon from Penn State’s John Meadows School of Psychology set out to answer this question.
This task was far more challenging than anticipated. The term “happiness” needed to be defined clearly, and a way to measure both happiness and the enjoyment of it had to be developed. In the end, Shannon decided to assess participants' self-reported life satisfaction and compare it to their average daily stress levels.
A sample of 108 individuals, aged 18–42, consisting of Shannon’s students and graduate assistants, participated in the study. They were informed about the nature of the correlational research and agreed to wear monitoring equipment for two weeks, removing it only for bathing or sleeping. Additionally, they completed a 50-question life satisfaction survey. In exchange for their time, the participants received extra credit.
The costly study produced inconclusive results. Participants who reported higher life satisfaction showed a slight trend toward higher stress levels, but the correlation was minimal and lacked statistical significance.
Shannon acknowledged that life satisfaction might not have been the most reliable indicator of happiness. He suggested that future studies could benefit from a more accurate measure of happiness and better control of external factors, such as the fact that this study was conducted during midterms.
However, Shannon remarked:
Our study represents an initial step into unexplored territory—scientifically proving what was once thought unprovable. The future of psychology lies in moving beyond mere assumptions and inferences, using instruments to document emotional states and, eventually, even thoughts. More research is needed, but we hope our work has helped to illuminate the path.
Soon after, Shannon received tenure.
1. The Waterloo Foo Fighters
In 1942, Alan Damian O’Henry was working at his father’s auto shop in Waterloo, Ontario, when he began hearing unusual sounds and observing strange lights in the sky. Soon, other residents came forward to report similar sightings of odd lights at night. While such phenomena aren’t rare (consider Norway’s Hessdalen lights), the Waterloo case was more bizarre because numerous locals also reported hearing strange noises alongside the lights.
The increasing number of reports quickly caught the attention of the Canadian government, who enlisted Jeff Threeny from the University of Toronto to investigate. The goal was for Threeny to debunk the growing UFO rumors, ease public anxiety, and redirect the media's focus back to the ongoing war. However, in a surprising twist, Threeny himself reported witnessing 'otherworldly blinking lights at night,' admitting that he 'could find no natural explanation' for them.
Threeny’s report is now regarded as one of the most significant pieces of evidence supporting the existence of UFOs. Paranormal blog Automatic Polygons even names it the most credible UFO sighting of all time. The Canadian government took the reports seriously enough to authorize special monitoring flights from the newly established Waterloo airfield. Despite this, sightings increased until the war's conclusion, after which they gradually subsided. Surveillance efforts were halted in 1946, and no further reports have emerged since.
