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In modern times, the term 'stranger' often feels overly simplistic. It brings to mind the image of a faceless person who could, if given too much trust, commit something sinister. Yet, some individuals manage to earn our trust for no clear reason. People even confide their deepest secrets to strangers.
This area is also full of fascinating experiments. Sociologists have observed strangers in a room filled with lavender, found that Britain can be considered one big family, and even uncovered why some commuters have such disdain for their fellow passengers.
10. The Concept of Fairness Among Strangers
In the past, an unusual benefit was placing trust in a stranger. Given the violence of hunter-gatherer and early Neolithic societies, this might seem strange. Yet, safety remained the primary concern, and trust was typically extended within the realm of trade.
Researchers suggest that small communities which embraced unknown traders likely thrived more than those that did not. The same could be said for the spread of organized religion, which helped bring order and stability to expanding communities.
A 2010 study involving 15 countries and over 2,000 participants revealed that smaller communities often displayed less fairness in trade, ironically showing a lower rate of punishment for unfair deals. In contrast, the world's largest trade powers made better offers and had little tolerance for opportunistic behavior.
This suggests that humans evolved for millennia to either shut themselves off and stagnate or to open up and trade with strangers, allowing them to thrive.
9. Traveling Together Creates Divides Among Strangers
In 2012, Esther Kim embarked on a long bus journey across thousands of miles. The sociologist from Yale University sought to understand why commuters are rarely chatty. She found that people went to great lengths to keep the seat beside them vacant—simply to avoid having a stranger sit down.
Some passengers placed their luggage on the seat or lied, claiming they were saving the space for a friend. Kim discovered that one unspoken rule was that it was considered impolite to sit next to someone when the bus wasn’t packed.
Even when the bus was full and everyone sat close together, commuters still put up invisible barriers. They avoided making eye contact, focused on their phones, or employed what Kim referred to as the “hate stare.”
Her research concluded that most people were driven by safety concerns. After all, many buses, subways, and trains are poorly lit, making it uncomfortable to be stuck in a confined space with strangers. Another major reason was that commuters simply preferred to be left alone.
8. The Chicago Experiment
In 2019, researchers encouraged commuters to start a conversation with a stranger. While most feared disapproving glares from fellow passengers, the outcome was unexpected. Each volunteer discovered that the person sitting next to them was eager to chat.
The researchers extended this experiment to taxis, buses, trains, and even waiting areas. In every case, the same positive response occurred. These large-scale, enjoyable interactions challenged the notion that talking to strangers is always awkward or unwelcome.
However, the scientists were quick to clarify that the study didn't justify bothering someone who wasn’t interested in a conversation. As sociologist Esther Kim discovered, there are times when people simply don’t want to be interrupted. But for those who are open, chatting with a well-meaning stranger can brighten a dull commute and create a sense of connection.
7. Strangers Choose Better Profile Pictures
In 2017, two Australian universities conducted a unique study. They aimed to determine whether people could pick their best profile pictures or if strangers were better at it. The results revealed that people were poor at choosing their own.
Next, a group of 160 strangers rated all the students’ photos for the same positive traits. Surprisingly, the strangers consistently selected better pictures than the students had picked for themselves. The researchers couldn’t explain why but suspected it was due to an inherent bias—people tend to overestimate how good they look.
In today’s world, profile pictures matter. The right photo can land a job or help find the perfect partner. Unfortunately, another bias—making snap judgments based on appearance—can lead employers and potential dates to move on when a profile picture doesn’t make an immediate impact.
6. Lavender Fosters Mutual Trust
In 2015, Dutch researchers asked participants to engage in a trust game. The rules were straightforward. One person received money, and they could either keep it all or share it with the other person. If the second player received money, they could then choose to keep it or return part of it to the first player.
Here’s why the first player had a reason to share: Any money given to the second player was tripled. If the second player chose to share the tripled amount with the original player, the first player could end up with more than they gave away, resulting in a better outcome for both players.
But that’s where trust came into play. The second player could choose to walk away, leaving the original player with less than they started with or even nothing, depending on how much had been given.
Ninety participants were paired up and played the trust game in one of three rooms. The first room was filled with the scent of lavender, the second with peppermint, and the third was left neutral. Though the participants didn’t know each other, those in the “lavender” room shared more money than the others.
The reason behind this was fascinating. Lavender is known for its calming properties. The human olfactory nerve, which handles smells, is linked to a part of the brain responsible for regulating trust.
It seems that lavender has a soothing effect on the brain's “trust center,” a finding the researchers suggested could be used to influence others. For example, customers might be more trusting of a product, or deals could be finalized during a lavender-scented business meeting.
5. We Share Secrets Freely With Strangers
They’re everywhere. The airplane passenger divulging details about their extramarital affair, the person in line talking about their bankruptcy, or the bus rider ranting about the Christmas socks their kids bought. Sometimes, we’re those people.
There are a few reasons why secrets are often shared more freely with strangers. On one hand, some people talk too much simply because they lack discretion and take advantage of having an available listener. But deeper emotional factors also drive us to confide in strangers rather than our close family or friends.
Imagine telling your kids how awful those socks were or sharing your financial struggles with friends. Sometimes, it feels safer to confess without the risk of hurting someone’s feelings or looking bad. Most people also don’t want the burden of unwanted advice from loved ones who may expect them to take action.
4. Why We Trust Strangers
Most adults are cautious when it comes to strangers. Years of warnings about kidnappers, news reports of crime victims, and personal experiences all contribute to a general mistrust of unfamiliar faces. However, there are moments when a total stranger seems oddly trustworthy for no clear reason. And it turns out, there’s a reason behind it.
A study published in 2018 revealed that the decision to trust someone often stems from past experiences. More specifically, it depends on how a person looks and whether they resemble loved ones or enemies.
Most people don’t realize it, but they are more likely to trust strangers who remind them of their mother or that police officer who once saved cousin Bob. On the flip side, they tend to shy away from individuals who resemble a hated ex or a friend who betrayed them. In fact, someone who looks even remotely like that annoying neighbor can spark instant dislike.
This bias is deeply ingrained in the brain and reinforced through life experiences, which is why judgments can occur on a subconscious level. This is often why a stranger who reminds you of a beloved, late uncle might already seem familiar and trustworthy.
3. Many Strangers Are Relatives
In 2015, a genealogy service called AncestryDNA conducted an extensive study on British families. The results were astonishing: the average Brit was found to have a huge network of cousins. The numbers were staggering. On average, each person had 193,000 cousins scattered across Britain, with around two cousins every 2.6 square kilometers (1 mile).
For someone living in London and commuting on the city’s Underground (aka the Tube), the odds of riding alongside a relative skyrocketed. In fact, it was estimated that about 12,000 strangers on the Tube could very well be cousins of the commuter.
As mind-blowing as it is that each stranger encountered by a Brit has a 1-in-300 chance of being family, it pales in comparison to a 2013 study by the University of California. The research revealed that all people of European descent are essentially one massive family. Even more astounding, two individuals living on opposite sides of Europe could trace millions of common ancestors just within the last 1,000 years.
2. Cuddle Therapy
While cuddling is commonly associated with couples, fewer people realize that professional cuddling is a growing business (entirely platonic, of course). Clients include those seeking comfort, the grieving, and the lonely.
Rebekka Mikkola, a professional cuddler from Finland, begins each session by conversing with the client in a peaceful, dimly lit room. After gauging the individual’s comfort level with touch, the session proceeds. Lasting around an hour, Mikkola provides a range of comforting touches, such as hugging, holding, brushing the person's hair, massaging fingers, and spooning. She only engages in actions the client feels comfortable with.
Although the concept may sound like it could lead to awkward situations, Mikkola has never encountered any inappropriate advances in her 1,000 hours of cuddling practice. In fact, nearly half of her clients find themselves shedding tears in her arms. Some even experience the “cuddle coma,” a state of deep relaxation that leaves them feeling sluggish and mentally foggy due to the profound sense of comfort.
Platonic cuddling also offers remarkable benefits, such as increased feelings of well-being and confidence, along with lowered blood pressure and reduced anxiety.
1. Event Grief
Television and newspapers ensure that almost everyone experiences the grief of a stranger's death at least once. Take Princess Diana, for instance. Though few of her mourners personally knew her, her death—and the media frenzy surrounding it—sparked the largest public outpouring of grief ever recorded for a single death.
A journalist aptly termed this phenomenon “event grief.” It explains why so many people send cards and gifts to the families of missing or murdered children. Strangers, for reasons unknown, gather—whether to lay flowers at the site of a tragic event or to join candlelight vigils praying for a safe return.
Event grief seems to be a psychological reaction to tragedy, acting as a unifying force that helps people come together and share comfort. While some may be drawn by the media spectacle, for many, it is a genuine emotion. These mourners, though strangers to the victims and each other, bond through sympathy. It’s one of the remarkable things strangers do together.
