Buzz
There was a time when I held the innocent, childlike belief that the chances of a zombie outbreak were next to none, practically impossible. However, as years pass (and researchers keep uncovering new possibilities), my perspective has shifted.
Literature and film have taught us that chances of survival in a zombie outbreak are slim, but if you manage to have time to get prepared, your likelihood of lasting a while increases. As I wear glasses, I began to wonder if wearing glasses could provide any benefits to surviving this sort of apocalypse. You will be pleased to know that it turns out glasses can actually up your chances of avoiding being eaten by zombies. After all, glasses can do much more than just help correct our vision.
In a survival situation, glasses can be a valuable asset. You just need a little creativity and forethought and you’re good to go. So let’s think this through: could glasses actually help you fight off zombies?
Yes! Let’s take a look at the top 10 ways you might use glasses to help increase your chances of survival in the midst of a zombie apocalypse:
10. Amulet
Think Positive Thoughts? If you’re feeling desperate, follow the ancient practice of using glass to repel evil spirits. The Ancient Egyptians wore glass eyes as necklaces for magical protection against malevolent forces. While this method isn’t highly recommended, especially as a standalone solution, it’s worth noting that zombies are unlikely to be deterred by a mere trinket when they’re more interested in feasting on your flesh!
9. Fire Fire!
Start a fire! Prescription lenses can function like magnifying glasses, harnessing sunlight to ignite flames. For this, you’ll need a convex lens (typically found in glasses for farsightedness). Glass lenses work best, as plastic ones lack a central focal point, dispersing light instead. Gather some tinder—material that catches fire easily—and hold the lens about a foot above it, focusing the light on one spot until it begins to smolder. Gently blow on the ember, then add kindling and continue nurturing the flame to life.
8. Body Armor
Build your defenses! If you can acquire multiple pairs of glasses and a strong fire, you can melt the glass to craft a shield or even glass body armor to fend off bites (I’ve always wondered why characters in zombie movies don’t create protective gear to reduce the risk of being bitten and infected—perhaps they could use materials like those worn by shark divers?). In any case, glass could certainly be repurposed into bite-resistant protection!
7. Reflector
Signal for help! In a survival scenario, you’ll need a way to alert potential rescuers or authorities about your location. Whether it’s a passing helicopter or a vehicle that could offer you a ride and save you from becoming a zombie’s meal, you’ll need to grab their attention. A lens can be used to reflect sunlight and signal your position. However, be cautious—this method might also attract unwanted attention from zombies!
6. Alarm System
Stay alert! Glasses can also serve as an effective alarm system to warn you when zombies are getting too close. If you have spare pairs of glasses or broken glass (which, let’s be honest, will be plentiful in an apocalypse), scatter them around your shelter or wherever you’re staying. Arrange them evenly, without gaps, so that when you hear the sound of crunching glass, you’ll know it’s time to run, hide, or prepare to fight!
5. Disorientation
Create confusion! If you’re in a dire situation with limited resources and your glasses have a strong prescription, try placing them on a zombie. Unless they happen to match the prescription, the distorted vision might disorient them, giving you a crucial opportunity to escape.
4. Confusion
Confuse and trap them! Modern glasses often use plastic hybrid lenses, which can be springy and snap back when bent. You could theoretically use these lenses to create a Rube Goldberg-style booby trap for zombies, protecting your shelter while adding a touch of humor (as long as it actually works)!
3. Weapon
Arm yourself! Remove the lenses from your glasses, break them, and use the sharp fragments as weapons. Since close combat with zombies is risky, attach the broken pieces to a stick (like a pool cue) to create a makeshift spear for throwing or stabbing. Alternatively, use the sharp edges to stab a zombie’s brain (though this is messy and highly dangerous). For a more effective weapon, combine multiple glass shards to craft a brutal tool for destroying zombie brains. You could even sharpen lenses to fashion a rudimentary axe. Just remember, zombie-apocalypse rules require you to shout something like, “Focus on this, you zombie @$%^!” before taking them down.
If you rely on your glasses to see, avoid destroying them for survival purposes. Instead, start collecting old pairs now and ask friends for theirs. Alternatively, raid a glasses shop after the apocalypse begins (when societal rules no longer apply, and survival is the priority). Attempting this before the apocalypse is not recommended.
2. Throwing Tools
Maintain distance while attacking! If you have time, hone your throwing skills and use broken glass shards as projectiles to take down zombies from afar. Aim for the brain, preferably through the eyes, for maximum effectiveness. Enhance your throws by using a catapult or slingshot to increase range and accuracy. The only downside? You’ll need to retrieve the glass from the zombies’ decaying brains later (unless you have an endless supply of lenses). It’s messy, but survival comes first!
And finally, the most crucial tip:
1. Burn Them
Set them ablaze! Building on the ideas from points 1 and 2, if you’ve amassed a significant number of glasses and lenses, you can combine them to generate a powerful beam of sunlight. This could serve two purposes: a) distracting or disorienting zombies, or b) igniting a fire on a zombie’s head. With a bit of luck, you might achieve both!
