Buzz
FOMO—the fear of missing out—is more than just the worry of not taking part in something. It’s the fear of being left out. To overcome FOMO, some authors suggest, you should 'disconnect,' shift your mindset, and enjoy simple pleasures. Hats off to those with enough willpower. The rest of us need to fool our primal instincts a bit more. To embrace the bliss of missing out—JOMO—we must make three changes.
Leave Before It's Over
In my early 20s, I stayed at every event until the very end—sometimes because I was enjoying myself, but more often because I wasn’t. I didn’t want to leave until I had experienced the 'perfect' moment.
Sometimes the good times eventually did arrive, but more often, they didn’t. If someone ever said, 'Oh no, don’t leave yet!' I always took it as a genuine request, so I’d stick around. And when others tried to leave, I’d say the same thing. (When we’re grappling with FOMO, we try to make others feel it too.)
So if you’ve already committed to more than you should, now’s the moment to opt out. Leave the event early, bow out of the project with your apologies, cancel that subscription, reduce your commitments. When you think you’re stepping out too soon, you’ll soon realize you were actually leaving just in time.
Tear off the Band-aid
Quitting stings. Moving from FOMO to JOMO often requires pushing through a little discomfort.
One packed year at the SxSW tech conference, my friends and I waited in a long, hour-long line for an 'exclusive' open-bar event. Half an hour in, my friend decided it was just going to be a crowd, and even after the time spent waiting, it was better to leave and unwind at a quieter bar with fewer people, buying our own drinks. He then led a countdown for the group: 'And now,' he said, 'we rip off the band-aid.'
Don’t expect the pain of missing out to be easy. Instead, embrace it as a form of discomfort that leads to eventual relief.
Quit before the decision is made for you.
There’s plenty of advice out there about ‘changing your perspective’ when it comes to missing out. But it’s not so simple if you didn’t choose to miss out. You can’t just flip a mental switch from ‘I’m sad I’m not at this party’ to ‘Actually, it’s better that I’m not there.’ You have to make the decision not to go to the event in the first place.
You can’t predict every social gathering, but think about those occasions you reluctantly attend. You can choose not to go next time, even before you receive the invite.
I’ve freed myself from some uncomfortable social commitments this way. It was tough! I stopped going to SxSW, and then another event I used to attend annually but eventually realized I didn’t have time for. I made the decision long in advance—so by the time the event came around, I had already found peace with my choice. Each time I saw Instagram photos from friends who still went, I reminded myself of my reasons, which made me feel better, even while wishing them well.
It’s still somewhat of a personal trick. You can’t simply brainwash yourself into eliminating all internal conflicts. However, you can start addressing these feelings before they overwhelm you and make your decision to miss out while it still feels like it’s truly your choice.
Here’s another way to avoid falling into the trap of marketing-driven FOMO. When you buy the latest iPhone, commit to skipping the next one. When you purchase new clothes, set a time frame for when you’ll stop buying more—or establish a budget limit while it’s still within your control. Now you hold the reins, you are the one making the conscious decision to opt out later.
Make sure there’s something waiting for you when you return home.
In the essay where he introduced FOMO, Harvard Business School student Patrick J. McGinnis also coined FOBO: the fear of a better option. While FOMO often pushes us to take on more than we should, FOBO can make us hesitate and under-commit. These two opposing fears can leave us paralyzed, caught in a state of indecision. Reflect on the deeper commitments you've avoided because you were too concerned about missing out on fleeting distractions. Those are the things that bring joy to JOMO. In 2012, tech executive Anil Dash wrote about these JOMO-worthy pursuits.
This doesn’t mean you have to search for the love of your life, create your magnum opus, or find profound fulfillment by meditating in a barren room. What it does mean is that you need to focus on what you truly want, rather than simply accepting what comes your way, and find a manageable version of it. Skip the social event and spend time with a few close friends. If you’re frustrated by what you can’t afford, indulge in the most luxurious thing you already own. Turn off your news feed and dive into a book, binge a TV show, or play a video game if it brings you joy. There’s no need to chase something grand or “meaningful,” just something that genuinely satisfies you, something you’ll never regret spending your time on. It’s what makes missing out worthwhile.
