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In stressful situations, individuals generally respond in one of two manners: either by over-functioning, where they push themselves to tackle every issue; or by under-functioning, where they become paralyzed and unable to manage the situation. Neither approach is optimal, as over-functioners risk exhaustion, while under-functioners may find even small challenges insurmountable.
When an over-functioner and an under-functioner face the same stressful event, it can lead to significant friction in their relationship. If one person takes charge of everything while the other remains inactive, it can create a dynamic where the former feels burdened by the workload, and the latter feels excluded from decision-making.
Both over-functioning and under-functioning as stress responses can lead to complications
As Amanda White, the founder and clinical director of the Philadelphia-based Therapy For Women Center, recently shared with Shape:
Over-functioners often take on roles like parents, caretakers, or bosses, as they feel ultimately responsible for outcomes. They tend to be perfectionists, finding it difficult to seek assistance or establish boundaries. In a group project scenario, over-functioners typically take charge and end up completing most of the tasks themselves due to a lack of trust in others. Under-functioners, on the other hand, enable this behavior by being content to let others handle the bulk of the work.
White also highlights that while under-functioners instinctively avoid addressing stressful situations, their anxiety often increases the more they avoid taking action. When over-functioners take on all the responsibilities, it creates an unhealthy dynamic for both parties, as the over-functioner becomes overwhelmed and the under-functioner feels increasingly incapable.
Strategies to manage your stress response effectively
If you recognize yourself adopting one of these stress response patterns, implementing the following five strategies can be highly beneficial.
Identify your stress triggers
The initial step in stress management is recognizing your triggers. These triggers can be internal or external. External triggers encompass significant life changes, environmental factors, unexpected events, workplace challenges, social conflicts, and traumatic experiences. Internal triggers may include fears, feelings of uncertainty, indecision, a lack of control over circumstances, and the pressure of managing personal expectations.
Practice breathing techniques
Engaging in breathing exercises can promote relaxation, even when you're feeling stressed. These exercises are quick and easy to incorporate into your day, making them an effective tool for reducing tension during particularly demanding moments.
There are various breathing exercises to explore. One simple method is belly breathing, where you sit or lie down, inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth, and allow your abdomen to rise and fall while keeping your chest stationary.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion involves showing kindness and understanding toward yourself, which is particularly important during stressful times. While you may not always control external stressors, you can learn to acknowledge the situation, understand your emotional reactions, and find healthy ways to cope without resorting to self-criticism or blame. Adding self-blame to an already stressful situation only amplifies the pressure.
Reevaluate your expectations
Sometimes, alleviating stress is as straightforward as reassessing your expectations. If minor details are causing undue stress, take a step back to identify what truly matters. Adjust deadlines, modify projects, and consider delegating or eliminating tasks that are less critical.
Engage with others
Human beings naturally seek connection, as it is an essential part of who we are. During stressful times, surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can help you stay grounded and reassess what’s causing your stress. For under-functioners, being with others can foster resilience and improve their ability to cope. For over-functioners, companionship can provide a sense of calm, counteracting their tendency to overexert themselves.
Regardless of how you respond to stress, the key is to strike a balance between doing too much and doing too little—both extremes can exacerbate the situation.
