Buzz
The holiday season, while joyful, can become overwhelming. While the desire to participate in every activity—gift shopping, light shows, and parties—is strong, overcommitting can lead to exhaustion. This is especially true for those, often women, who prioritize others' needs over their own. Referred to as 'human-giver syndrome' by Amelia and Emily Nagowski in their transformative book, Burnout, this condition is a specific form of burnout prevalent during the holidays. Learn to recognize and prevent it to fully enjoy time with loved ones without depleting yourself.
Why does excessive giving lead to burnout?
While helping others is commendable, constantly putting others' needs before your own can lead to burnout. The issue arises when individuals use caregiving as a way to cope with their own stress, neglecting self-care and ultimately harming their well-being.
You’re volunteering at the school’s holiday party, managing a toy donation drive, and handling Christmas shopping for your family, kids, and partner. In their podcast, Feminist Survival Project, Emily Nagowski highlights, 'If we aimed to create a system to emotionally exhaust half the population, we couldn’t have devised anything more effective.'
After completing these holiday duties, your work responsibilities remain, the house is chaotic, and the pandemic persists. Family tensions may also peak during this season. By now, you’re familiar with burnout symptoms, which can leave you irritable, fatigued, and prone to illness.
Preventing holiday burnout
Recognizing burnout signs is crucial for navigating the holidays. The Nagowski sisters emphasize monitoring how you feel when giving to supportive individuals versus those who, as Emily notes, 'feel increasingly entitled to take more.' While children naturally fall into the latter category, adults in your life should reciprocate rather than solely take.
If they don’t, consider distancing yourself or clearly communicating their need to contribute or reduce expectations. For partners, Eve Rodsky’s book Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live) is a valuable resource. For others, like the PTA, friends, or family, practice saying 'no,' 'I can’t commit to this right now,' or simply make yourself less available.
As a freelance writer, I could have volunteered more in the weeks leading up to winter break. However, juggling deadlines, holiday shopping, and prioritizing my mental health meant I had to decline additional commitments. I refer to this as 'triage'—focusing on essential tasks and postponing others. Volunteering can wait until January, but December is for work.
Overcoming human-giver syndrome
The Nagowskis emphasize a crucial survival skill for those affected by human-giver syndrome: 'celebrate others’ rest and joy.' They note that we often feel compelled to handle everything ourselves and grow resentful of those who aren’t as burdened.
Rather than responding sarcastically when a friend opts for a quiet night at home instead of a chaotic family gathering, try being genuinely happy for them. Consider leaving your own event early to avoid stress and enjoy some peace.
Instead of envying your childless sister’s New Year’s concert plans, celebrate her freedom. Take time for yourself without guilt—watch a movie, take a walk under the stars, or simply let out a scream to release tension.
