Buzz
Hello Mytour, I’ve been dealing with a friend who often ignores my emails, voicemails, and text messages. When she does respond, it’s usually after a long delay. Do you have any tips to ensure she replies more promptly?
Sincerely, Frustrated by Silence
Dear Frustrated, We completely understand how irritating this can be. Many of us have that one person who’s nearly impossible to reach, making it feel like you’re being ignored. If your friend isn’t upset with you and still values your friendship, there are a few methods to ensure your messages are noticed—and answered quickly (without coming across as annoying).
Ensure You Send Your Messages at the Most Convenient Time for the Recipient
One potential reason your friend might not respond is the timing of your messages. For instance, if your friend attends night classes, late messages could easily be missed—or opened and then forgotten because she didn’t have time to reply immediately. Similarly, my family often calls me right at the beginning of my workday (for reasons I still don’t grasp), so I end up sending those calls to voicemail, even though I’d love to chat—just at a better time.
When it comes to emails, the email marketing company GetResponse studied 21 million emails to determine the optimal times for sending emails (to maximize open rates). Since most emails arrive in inboxes in the morning, they suggest that emails sent in the afternoon have a higher chance of being opened and clicked. Depending on the recipient, it’s best to avoid sending emails during rush hour, bath time for kids, or dinner. Photo by GetResponse
Key takeaway: To increase the likelihood of your messages being noticed, try sending them when the recipient is likely to be less busy, if you can.
Certain Types of Messages Might Be More Effective
Even people who aim to reply to all messages promptly (such as those following the 2-2-2 rule) tend to prioritize texts over emails and phone calls over texts. I’m not sure where instant messaging falls in this hierarchy, but I’d probably rank it even higher than phone calls.
When sending an email, you can increase the likelihood of it being read and responded to by adhering to proper email etiquette: Keep your message brief (aim for 3-5 sentences), craft a subject line that’s clear and engaging (a strong subject line makes a difference), reference any prior discussions in case the recipient has forgotten, and make your request straightforward and specific. This approach of being concise yet thorough applies to other forms of messaging as well.
Resend the Message
Sometimes, your friend might just need a gentle reminder. Whether they overlooked your message or it didn’t reach them (spam filters can sometimes be too aggressive), if the message is important, don’t hesitate to resend it. You could say something like, "I wasn’t sure if you received this, so I’m following up to get your thoughts."
Ask for a Reply
If you’re expecting a response, make sure to explicitly request one. Phrases like "Let me know either way" are essential, as highlighted in job interview follow-up emails, and they work well in other contexts too. Alternatively, you could ask, "What do you think?" or "Please confirm if you’re interested or not." For added urgency, try, "I need to purchase the tickets by noon tomorrow, so if I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll assume you’re not interested."
Enlist a Mutual Friend to Help
Sometimes, a mutual friend might have better luck getting your friend’s attention. Don’t take it personally—it could simply be that they’re closer or communicate more frequently. If you share a mutual contact, you could ask, "Hey, I’ve been having trouble reaching so-and-so. Could you pass along my message for me?"
(As a last resort, if you’re truly desperate to contact someone, you could consider spoofing caller ID. However, as noted earlier, this should only be used in emergencies, as your friend might not appreciate the deception unless it’s absolutely necessary.) Photo by xrayspx
Avoid Jumping to Conclusions
Lastly, your friend likely isn’t aware that her behavior is frustrating you, so try to give her the benefit of the doubt and avoid getting too upset. You could also address the issue directly by saying, "Hey, did you receive my recent emails, texts, or calls? This happens often, and I know you’re busy, so what’s the best way and time to reach you?" This approach can help resolve the situation amicably.
Warm regards, Mytour
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