Buzz
Written by Shannon Firth
In Zero Dark Thirty, Jessica Chastain portrays "Maya," a CIA agent who rewards a detainee with an extravagant meal for revealing critical details that she claims helped save American lives. However, the detainee doesn’t remember sharing any such information. After enduring days of torture and exhaustion, he starts to believe Maya’s version of events. This is an example of gaslighting.
The term was popularized by the 1944 movie Gaslight, a film adaptation of the 1939 play Angel Street. Starring Charles Boyer and Ingrid Bergman, the story follows "Gregory" (Boyer), who convinces his wife "Paula" (Bergman) that the gaslight she notices flickering is actually constant. This lie is only one of many, and over time, Paula begins to doubt her own memory and actions. Meanwhile, Gregory secretly schemes to have her institutionalized so he can seize her inheritance.
In the book Gaslighting, the Double Whammy, Interrogation and Other Methods of Covert Control in Psychotherapy and Analysis, the late forensic psychiatrist Theodore Dorpat defines gaslighting as a situation where one person "tries to dominate the feelings, thoughts, or actions of another." Dorpat notes that the behavior involved in gaslighting is subtle — neither overtly hostile nor overtly intimidating.
"For gaslighting to work, the first step is to make the victim believe their thoughts are distorted, and the second is to convince them that the gaslighter's perspective is the true and correct one," writes Dorpat.
Every gaslighting scenario involves a gaslighter, the abuser, and a gaslightee, the person being targeted. "Eventually, you [the gaslightee] start feeling like you can’t trust your own mind or your own sense of reality. Worse, you’ve allowed someone else to define it for you," says Dr. Robin Stern, author of The Gaslight Effect and research scientist at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence.
In the 2001 French film Amelie, the title character devises a plan to gaslight a local grocer who has been bullying a mentally disabled employee. She sneaks into the grocer's home, swaps his slippers for smaller ones, changes his door handles to knobs, and replaces his toothpaste with foot cream. In her final act of revenge, she reprograms his phone's speed dial to call a psychiatric hospital instead of his mother's house.
Naturally, more subtle and everyday forms of gaslighting occur as well. For instance, a friend consistently makes the other wait for over an hour every time they meet for drinks. When the one waiting shows frustration, the late friend questions how anyone could be so sensitive.
When gaslightees defend their emotions or character, their gaslighters often dismiss them as irrational, crazy, or overly sensitive. "It’s like a magic trick, a sleight of hand. Let me distract you here instead of there," Stern explained. "Maybe you're sensitive, but what does that have to do with the other person being late?"
The first phase of gaslighting is disbelief. During this stage, a gaslightee perceives any disagreement as trivial, silly, or something they can forget easily. The second stage, defense, occurs when the gaslightee begins doubting themselves. The third stage is depression, where the gaslightee actually seeks to prove the gaslighter right, hoping this will earn their approval.
According to Stern, gaslightees are often women, while gaslighters are frequently, though not always, men. "Instead of saying 'you can't treat me like this,' women will often try harder. 'Let me make that meatloaf again. Let me redo my outfit.'"
Common symptoms of the gaslight effect include feeling confused or disoriented, having disrupted sleep or nightmares, and struggling to recall specific events involving the gaslighter. Other signs include avoiding conversations about the relationship with friends and experiencing a lack of happiness.
At the heart of the most severe cases is the emotional attachment individuals feel toward their gaslighters, whether it's love, admiration, or respect. "When we idealize the gaslighter—whether as the love of our life, a great boss, or a fantastic parent—we find it even harder to maintain our own sense of reality," says Stern.
The sooner victims of gaslighting recognize these manipulative tactics in their early stages, the easier it becomes to break free or even end the relationship. Every situation is unique, but the crucial first step is to stop seeking the approval of the gaslighter.
