Buzz
There’s no shortage of advice on how to maintain a strong relationship. You’re told to understand each other’s love languages, have open discussions about money and intimacy, and seek therapy when necessary—just to name a few. Relationships require effort. But some aspects of a successful relationship are beyond your conscious control. For example, a personality disorder could significantly affect how your relationship unfolds. While we’ve explored the effects of narcissistic personality disorder and borderline personality disorder, let’s examine how dependent personality disorder might influence your relationship—and what actions you can take to manage it.
What is Dependent Personality Disorder?
Here’s the definition of DPD, from the Cleveland Clinic:
Dependent personality disorder (DPD) is a form of anxious personality disorder. Individuals with DPD often feel powerless, overly submissive, or unable to manage their own lives. They may struggle with even the simplest decisions.
This might seem like someone who’s simply “clingy” or “needy” (which you should never label your partner), but it’s much more complex. The Cleveland Clinic notes that with the right support, a person with DPD can develop greater self-confidence and independence.
DPD is one of ten recognized personality disorders, typically emerging in childhood or by the age of 29. A person with this disorder has an overwhelming need to be cared for by others, relying on those close to them for emotional and even physical support. They might even feel as though they cannot take care of themselves.
How does DPD affect relationships?
A person with DPD may be so dependent on others for decisions that they might rely on someone else to pick their clothes every day—and that’s just one example. In a romantic relationship, where both partners are expected to support each other, manage finances, care for a household or children, and function as a team, it can become a serious problem if one partner is making decisions for the other, from what they wear to how they spend their time, not to mention the larger decisions that will arise.
Additionally, experts suggest that DPD is more common in individuals who have been in abusive relationships or experienced trauma during childhood. These factors can significantly affect future relationships, but it can be especially difficult to help a partner work through past abuse or trauma when they are also unwilling to take responsibility or make their own decisions.
While it may be frustrating for the partner without DPD, this disorder can also be quite damaging for the individual who has it. Dr. Suzanne Degges-White recently wrote about DPD for Psychology Today and explained, 'They long for affection so intensely that they are willing to conform to the wishes of their significant others in everything, from the most trivial to the most significant. Decisions on clothing, activities, meals, diet, living arrangements, and daily routines are all left to someone else.'
In the hands of a controlling partner, someone with DPD is particularly vulnerable to unhealthy behavior. The Cleveland Clinic highlights that individuals with this disorder may be more likely to remain in toxic relationships.
What to do if you suspect you or your partner has DPD
If you or your partner are excessively 'needy' or clingy to the point where one person’s ability to make decisions is entirely impaired and it feels like the other person is making all choices in both of your lives, it could be DPD—but it’s possible to find out.
A healthcare provider can assess your symptoms to rule out any other conditions, but a mental health professional will make the DPD diagnosis by asking specific questions and comparing your responses to criteria in the DSM-5. To be diagnosed, you must meet five of the following criteria:
Intense and unrealistic fear of being abandoned
Feelings of anxiety or helplessness when alone
Inability to manage responsibilities without assistance
Difficulty expressing opinions
A strong desire for others' support, even if it means compromising your own preferences
Struggles with making daily decisions independently
Problems starting or finishing tasks due to low self-confidence or indecisiveness
A tendency to seek a new relationship whenever a close one ends
While clingy behavior might be attributed to someone's attachment style, if it’s truly DPD, it’s important to recognize it, as help is available to get a proper diagnosis and move forward.
