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As we’ve become increasingly aware over the past year, grief extends far beyond losing a loved one (though that particular form of grief remains deeply painful). Whether it’s the loss of a job, the isolation from family and friends, or simply longing for life before the pandemic, we still don’t know the full extent of the long-term effects this collective grief and trauma will have on us.
Not only can grief accumulate over time, but after a year filled with unrelenting racial injustices, natural disasters, and the fallout from the previous presidential administration, we often don’t have the space to process one tragedy before another strikes. This creates what’s known as 'grief debt'—a form of emotional debt that, like financial debt, is tough to overcome. Here’s what you should understand about grief debt and how to handle it.
What exactly is grief debt?
As Emily Laurence contributes to Well+Good, grief debt refers to the phenomenon when we draw from our emotional reserves to deal with each instance of hardship, and as these challenges accumulate, they deplete our energy further until there's nothing left to give.
Enduring a single trauma is already a significant challenge, but when multiple traumas strike simultaneously, the situation becomes even more difficult. This is because, if we don't fully address the first trauma, we risk shifting our focus to the next tragedy before we've had the time to heal from the first, as clinical psychologist Dr. Kahina A. Louis explains to Well+Good.
To cope with the weight of life, we often suppress trauma, but as Dr. Louis points out, suppression doesn't make it disappear. While we may bury certain emotions, they can emerge in our thoughts and actions without us even realizing it.
Ways to overcome grief debt
While it's certainly feasible (and recommended) to process and work through grief, the ultimate goal is to develop coping strategies to manage it going forward—not to expect it to simply disappear after a certain time. In cases of grief debt, however, it's crucial to take steps to address it instead of letting the pileup of traumas continue unchecked.
Everyone has their own go-to methods, whether it's journaling, practicing mindfulness, seeking guidance from a therapist or grief counselor, or simply allowing yourself to express emotions through screaming and crying, psychiatrist Dr. James S. Gordon shares with Well+Good. The key is to discover what works best for you and make sure to give yourself the necessary time and space to engage in these practices, without constantly worrying about what's next on the horizon.
