Buzz
Goncharov is a cinematic masterpiece you’ll never get to watch. Hailed as 'The Greatest Mafia Movie Ever Made,' this 1973 gangster epic, produced by Martin Scorsese, features Robert De Niro, Al Pacino, and Cybill Shepherd, and was supposedly directed by Matteo JWHJ 0715. Wait, who? Oh, and by the way: it’s entirely fictional.
In recent days, the imaginative and quirky minds on Tumblr collaborated to invent a fictional lost Scorsese film. They crafted detailed accounts of its chaotic production and release, analyzed scenes, explored its themes, wrote Letterboxd reviews, designed a realistic poster, and even created fan art. All of this stemmed from random text a Tumblr user discovered on the label of a pair of counterfeit boots. Because, of course, it did.
What is Goncharov about?
In an alternate reality where Goncharov is real, it’s celebrated as one of the finest films ever created. However, it was never officially released, making it ineligible for the Academy Awards, Palme d’Or, or Nobel Prizes it undoubtedly deserved. (Maybe it swept the awards at the Listenbourg Film Festival?) The film features unforgettable characters like Goncharov, a rising Russian mobster in Naples; his driven and elegant wife Katya; and Ice Pick Joe, a deranged hitman whose icepick killings hint at the dark trauma from his childhood in a Belarusian orphanage.
One of my favorite Goncharov moments: After a sharp-eyed Tumblr user spotted a young Lynda Carter as “Dancer #2” in the film, the real Lynda Carter shared photos of herself and Henry Winkler at the 1973 premiere at Grauman’s Chinese Theater. This meme has Wonder Woman’s seal of approval!
Where can you stream ‘Goncharov?’
Sadly, Goncharov isn’t available to stream because it doesn’t exist, but that doesn’t stop it from being your favorite movie. Dive into the Tumblr lore, discard the absurd theories (Ice Pick Joe is an alien? Really?), and craft the perfect ‘70s homoerotic gangster film in your mind. Just be warned: Stories about Cybil Shepherd and Scorsese’s on-set dynamics are deeply troubling by today’s standards. Even in the wild ‘70s, Scorsese’s demand for a PA to follow Shepherd in an antique wheelchair was downright bizarre, method acting or not.
Why should you even care about this nonsense?
You should care about Goncharov because it’s a vibrant, evolving parody of film criticism, proving that the playful, creative internet—where people craft intricate memes without trying to sell you something or promote harmful ideologies—still thrives. The authentic internet has always been there, quietly flourishing on Tumblr.
