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Crying is frequently seen as a symbol of vulnerability or even embarrassment. However, it’s time to embrace crying as a natural and healthy response, not just because societal stigmas are unfounded, but because scientific evidence supports its importance. Shedding tears helps flush out harmful substances like stress hormones, encourages the release of mood-enhancing brain chemicals, and can ultimately improve our emotional state. For those conditioned to suppress their emotions, recognizing the value of a good cry and understanding when it’s most advantageous can be challenging. To shed light on this, I consulted health professionals and psychologists to explore how crying can contribute to a more positive mindset and overall well-being.
What occurs in our bodies when we cry?
While crying often feels like a powerful emotional release, what exactly happens physiologically? Dr. Caroline Leaf, a cognitive neuroscientist and mental health expert, explains that prolactin, a key chemical released during crying, is also activated in breastfeeding mothers. According to Dr. Leaf, prolactin is produced in response to both negative and positive stressors and plays a role in regulating our stress levels.
Other substances linked to crying include oxytocin, vasopressin, and endogenous opioids, all of which promote a sense of calm and control when released. Additionally, crying stimulates the central autonomic network in the brain and the anterior cingulate cortex (ACC). The former aids in restoring equilibrium between the brain and body, while the ACC plays a role in cognitive processing. This suggests that the event triggering the tears—whether positive or negative—disrupted neural balance or homeostasis and impacted the individual’s cognitive clarity.
In essence, crying acts as a pressure release valve. Suppressing emotions can lead to chemical imbalances in both the brain and body. Dr. Leaf compares crying to “releasing steam,” akin to relieving pressure in a machine to prevent damage. This raises the question: how frequently and under what circumstances should we allow ourselves to cry?
Crying: No Fixed Routine
From a scientific perspective, there are three types of tears: basal tears, which keep the eyes lubricated and protected from bacteria with each blink; reflex tears, which shield the eyes from irritants like smoke, bacteria, or onion fumes; and emotional tears. Medical News Today highlights that emotional tears contain the highest concentration of stress hormones, making them the most effective at expelling these chemicals from the body. A study by Tilburg University revealed that women cry approximately times per month, while men cry about 1.9 times. Determining whether this is “sufficient” is challenging, but these averages provide a useful benchmark. Excessive crying—defined as uncontrollable weeping that disrupts daily life—may indicate underlying issues. For those seeking specifics, research from the Journal of Research in Personality found that the average crying episode lasts roughly eight minutes.
Not all tears serve the same purpose. Basal and reflex tears are involuntary responses to environmental factors, while emotional tears are tied to our feelings. Although both types of tears flow similarly, emotional crying is often stigmatized. Deciding when to cry over physical irritants is straightforward, but there’s no prescribed time for emotional tears. Attempting to schedule crying sessions, as Dr. Leaf points out, is impractical for most people. Instead, it’s best to cry when the urge arises. In other words, we should normalize shedding quiet tears in the workplace restroom.
Strategies to Normalize Crying
Letting tears flow isn’t always easy, especially if you’ve been taught to suppress them. However, there are ways to embrace vulnerability and transform crying into a positive experience rather than a source of shame. The inspirational platform Budding Optimist suggests starting by never apologizing for your tears. Amy Stanton, author of The Feminine Revolution, has explored the concept of embracing crying in depth. In her chapter titled “Crying Openly,” she highlights the advantages of sharing tears with others: “Crying in front of others allows us to reveal our true selves and be seen. By explaining why we’re crying, we build understanding and deepen connections.”
Crying is a profoundly human act, and sharing this experience with others reinforces its naturalness. However, the full benefits are only realized when you’re with people who make you feel safe and supported. The last thing you want is to make emotional strides only to face judgment in return.
Practicing Vulnerability
Summoning the courage to cry when needed can be challenging, especially when years of emotional suppression clash with the stress or anxiety prompting the tears. In such moments, Dr. Leaf suggests using a “mind management” technique called the neurocycle to anchor yourself in emotional stability.
This exercise can be practiced anytime and for any purpose, but it’s especially effective for fostering comfort with crying when the need arises, she explains. Here’s the step-by-step process:
Begin by calming your mind through deep breathing. I suggest inhaling for 5 counts and exhaling for 11 counts, repeating this cycle three times (totaling approximately 45 seconds).
Next, GATHER awareness of the emotional and physical cues your body is providing, such as the urge to cry. Accept these signals without judgment or suppression (spend about 30 to 45 seconds on this step).
Then, REFLECT on your emotions: ask yourself, answer, and explore why you’re feeling this way. Use clear statements like, “I am crying because ...”. Dedicate around 1 minute to this reflection.
After reflecting, WRITE down your feelings and their reasons for about 1 minute. This will help you structure your thoughts and gain clarity on what your body and mind are communicating.
Next, RECHECK your written thoughts to identify triggers and recurring patterns. For instance, you might realize that tears flow when a specific topic is mentioned or while watching a particular TV show, as if it’s the final trigger that releases all your accumulated stress.
Finally, take action. I refer to this step as the ACTIVE REACH. This could involve affirming your emotions with a positive statement or setting boundaries to allow yourself the time and space needed to process your feelings.
Even with an understanding of its benefits, embracing crying can still be challenging, particularly in formal settings like the workplace. However, finding a healthy way to incorporate it into your routine can lead to significant emotional benefits. Science supports this approach.
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