Buzz
1. Businessman Joke Number 4
1. Story 1: The Foolish Businessman
Two businessmen are discussing strategies on how to prevent employees from stealing from the company. One of them shares his approach:
– I own a candy company, and I let new employees indulge in as much candy as they like for the first few weeks. After that, they get so tired of it that they never want to touch it again.
The other man thinks for a moment:
– That could be a bit more complicated in my case...
– What do you produce?
– I own a bank.
2. Story 2: Finding the Right Profession
How’s your career going?
– My license has been suspended for months. I have a condition where standing for too long is impossible, sitting for too long is impossible, and even the slightest weather change exhausts me.
– So what exactly is your condition?
– Rheumatism.
– Oh, I can find you the perfect job.
– What kind of job?
– Weather forecasting.
2. Business Humor Story No. 5
1. Story 1: The Author's Disappointment Over His Wife's Keen Sense of Economics
A writer was diligently working on his manuscript when his wife approached and said:
"Wouldn't it be better to write on larger paper?"
The writer, pleased with what he thought was a compliment on his writing skill, wondered if his abundant ideas required larger paper. But he asked, nonetheless:
– What do you mean?
His wife calmly explained:
– You clearly don’t understand anything about money. Large paper is thrown away and can be used to wrap items, but what good is small paper?
2. Story 2: The Intelligence of a Strong Man
Albert Einstein was discussing his theory of relativity when a man skeptical of it asked:
- My intelligence, being strong and healthy, cannot accept things it cannot see.
Einstein paused for a moment before replying:
- Alright, that makes some sense. Now, place your intelligence on the table here, and I'll believe you have a brilliant mind.
3. Business Humor Story No. 6
1. Story 1: The Most Beautiful Woman in the World
A director, after a client party, returned home a bit tipsy.
He knocked for a while but no one answered. Then, he had an idea and shouted out:
- I have brought the most beautiful bouquet for the most beautiful woman in the world!
As soon as he finished speaking, the door swung open:
- Where is it? Where is the most beautiful bouquet, dear?
- Oh, so where is the most beautiful woman in the world, then?
- ......
2. Story 2: The Sense of Humor
A girl whispered to her soon-to-be husband, a successful businessman:
- I'm not rich, and I don't have much education. So why do you love me?
- ...
- Is it because of my beautiful face or my attractive figure?
- I love you because of your sense of humor.
4. Business Humor Story No. 7
1. Story 1: The Drunk Boss
The night before was the company's annual party, and the next morning, the boss called a shift supervisor into his office.
- It seems like you were drinking non-stop last night. Then, you got completely wasted. But the most outrageous thing was that you stripped down to just your underwear in the middle of the yard. In front of the whole company, you pushed a wheelbarrow with someone inside, and they were also in nothing but their underwear. Is that correct?
- Sir, you must know, the person inside the wheelbarrow was you.
- ....
2. Story 2: The Two Neighbors
- I have a potential son-in-law for your daughter.
- But my daughter is still too young to get married...
- But this young man is the Vice President of the World Bank.
- Ah, in that case, it's acceptable.
5. Business Humor Story No. 8
1. Story 1: The Alarm Clock
Two office women were chatting:
- Every morning when I hear the alarm clock, it feels like a gunshot piercing my heart.
- So, what do you do then?
- I feel like I’ve died.
2. Story 2: Deduction
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went camping. The two of them were sleeping next to each other. Near dawn, Holmes shook Watson awake and asked:
- Watson, look at the sky. What do you see?
- I see a lot of stars.
- And what does that mean to you?
- It means we’ll have a beautiful day ahead. What about you?
- To me, it means someone has stolen our tent.
6. Business Humor Story No. 9
1. Story 1: The Successful Entrepreneur
A father angrily asked his three sons:
- Be honest, who was it that stood up there and poured the chamber pot into the river?
- The three sons stayed silent.
The father continued: Remember the story of Washington and the cherry tree. When Washington was about your age, he made the mistake of cutting down the cherry tree, but he admitted it to his father, which made his father proud.
Hearing this, the first son confessed. The father sighed and picked up a whip, preparing to strike him.
- Dad! When you told the story about Washington admitting his mistake, his father forgave him!
- That's right, but when Washington chopped down the tree, his father wasn’t standing on it.
2. Story 2: You Should Eat Fish
Mark Twain returned a manuscript to a young writer with the following remark: "Dear friend, famous doctors recommend that intellectuals eat fish because this food nourishes the brain with its protein. I’m not very knowledgeable about this, so I’m not sure how much fish you should eat. But from the manuscript you sent me, I believe that for you, two medium-sized whales might not be too much!"
7. Business Humor Story No. 10
1. Story 1: Nationality
Albert Einstein once told reporters:
- Don’t ask me about my nationality. For the remainder of my life, I’ll be an American on paper. But, after I die, if my theories prove correct, the Germans will claim I was truly German, the French will call me an international citizen. If future evidence shows flaws in my theories, the French will say I was once German, and the Germans will call me a Jew.
2. Story 2: Bandac and the Thief
One night, Bandac forgot to lock his door. He had gotten into bed but was not yet asleep. A thief entered, saw no one around, and went straight to the cupboard, opening it quietly to search for money. Suddenly, Bandac laughed and said:
- My friend, you've made a big mistake. You've come into the dark of night to search for money right here, where in broad daylight I would never be able to find it!
8. Business Humor Story No. 1
1. Story 1: Going Bankrupt from Partnering with the Experienced Rich
How did you manage to build a successful business in just 3 years?
The young entrepreneur replied:
- I partnered with a company that had significant capital.
- What was the contribution ratio?
- The reporter asked.
- He provided the money, and I contributed my experience.
- And what was the result?
The young entrepreneur smiled:
- As you can see, now I have the money, and he’s gained the experience.
2. Story 2: Forgetfulness
On the way home from a friend's house, the professor said to his wife, “You always claim I’m forgetful, but today I actually remembered to bring home our umbrella!”
- Oh! How sweet. But we didn’t even take the umbrella with us today, did we?
- !!!!!
9. Businessman's Joke No. 2
1. Story 1: Business is tough because customers grow
Two old college friends bumped into each other at a café.
The guy walked up and said:
– Hey, how's it going? You’re looking more beautiful than ever.
– Thanks!
– I heard you opened a store, is it doing well?
– Not really! My customers keep growing, so it's really tough to keep up!
– What are you talking about? Isn’t growth a good thing for business?
– You’re not getting it!
I run a children's clothing business!
2. Story 2: Demosthenes' Lecture
Demosthenes, a famous ancient Greek philosopher and orator, was once giving a lecture when he noticed his students weren’t paying attention. So, he told a story to grab their focus:
"A man had to cross the desert.
He went to the market and rented a donkey. After paying up front, he made an agreement with the donkey's owner:
- I’ll rent the donkey from you, and you lead it while I ride across the desert.
The journey was long, and the midday sun was unbearable. The rider, feeling the heat, sought shade and saw the donkey's shadow. So, he jumped down and took shelter under it.
The donkey's owner noticed and stopped moving.
The rider asked:
- Why aren’t we going?
The owner replied:
- You need to pay extra.
- For what?
- For the donkey’s shadow. You’ve only rented the donkey, not its shadow.
The rider was furious, searching for the right words to express his anger to the donkey’s owner...
The students were eagerly listening, waiting for the punchline.
Demosthenes finally said:
- The problem is, none of you are paying attention to my lecture, but you’re all focused on the absurd story about a donkey rental!
10. Businessman's Joke No. 3
1. Story 1: The Cause
One day, Bechnaso ran into a famous, humorous, and very overweight priest. The priest, noticing how thin Bechnaso was, joked:
– I hope you don’t get too thin, people might think England is still suffering from hunger.
Bechnaso responded quickly:
– Well, I hope you don’t get too fat, or people might think you’re the reason behind all these famines!
2. Story 2: Thought You Were a Billionaire
Two old friends from high school, who hadn’t seen each other in ages, finally reunited and asked each other about their lives:
– How’s your business been going?
– It’s been fine. There are days when I handle millions, and I don’t even realize it.
– What kind of business are you in that makes that much money? Can I join in?
– Oh, I sell lottery tickets!
– Hahaha.
