Top 10 Best Family Jokes

1. The Names

The Browns have two sons. One is named Don't Stick Your Nose In, and the other is called Trouble. One day, they decided to play hide and seek. Trouble hid while Don't Stick Your Nose In counted from one to one hundred. Don’t Stick Your Nose In started searching behind the trash can and in the bushes. Then he searched under cars until a police officer saw him and asked: "What are you doing?" "Playing a game," the boy replied. "What’s your name?" the officer asked. "Don’t Stick Your Nose In." The officer said angrily: "Are you looking for trouble?" "Yes," said the boy.

2. Flowers for the Beautiful Woman

The husband, drunk, came home and knocked on the door for a long time with no answer. Finally, he had an idea and shouted:
– I’ve brought the most beautiful bouquet for the most beautiful woman in the world!
– Immediately, the door opened, and the wife ran out happily and asked: Where’s the beautiful bouquet?
– The husband replied: So, where is the most beautiful woman in the world?

1.Hết pin

Một cặp vợ chồng già ngồi trong nhà thờ. Người vợ quay sang chồng thì thầm: "Tôi vừa xì hơi hàng loạt trong yên lặng. tôi phải làm gì bây giờ?". Người chồng trả lời: "Trước hết, hãy thay pin máy trợ thính của bà đã!".

2.Mới sinh ra đã giống đô đốc

Con gái một vị đô đốc hải quân sinh con trai. Bận tập trận, ông này sai viên cận vệ về thăm cháu ngoại. Trở ra hạm đội, anh ta báo cáo với sếp:
– Thưa ngài, cậu bé giống hệt ngài ạ!
– Tả vài nét chính xem sao?
– Dạ… hói… tròn ủm… chả biết gì hết nhưng gào thét rất to…

1. Sharing a Dream

Wife: "In my dream, I saw you in a jewelry store buying me a diamond ring." Husband: "I had the same dream, but in mine, I saw your dad paying for it."

2. Substitution
Ly: "Big brother! That man says our house owes for the water bill, but mom took all the money, can you go tell him we're coming?"

– Hai: "If we don't have money, you can give him some water instead! Plenty to go around!"

– Ly: *faints*

1. The Genius

One day, Jimmy came home from school early, and his mother asked, "Why are you home so early?" The boy replied, "Because I was the only one who could answer a question in class." "Wow, you must be a genius! What was the question?" Jimmy answered, "The question was, 'Who threw trash at the principal's head?'"

2. Wrong Verdict

– How do you feel after the divorce ruling? – Miserable! The car I bought with my own money, the court gave to her. And the kids, who I thought were someone else’s, the court ruled I get to live with them.

1. Forgetfulness

An elderly couple realized they were becoming increasingly forgetful, so they decided to visit the doctor. The doctor advised them to write everything down so they wouldn't forget. They returned home, and the wife asked her husband to bring her a box of ice cream. "You can write it down," she said. "No, I can remember that you want a box of ice cream," he replied. Then the wife asked for a box of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down!" she reminded him. He replied again, "No, no, I can remember that you want a box of ice cream with whipped cream." The wife wasn't satisfied and asked him to bring a box of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down!" she said. He insisted, "I can remember that." The old man went to get the ice cream and fussed in the kitchen for over 30 minutes. He finally came out and handed his wife a plate of eggs and bacon. She stared at the plate for a moment, then looked at him and asked, "Where's the toast, dear?"

2. Passing on the Holes

During dinner, the son said to his father:

– Dad! I hate the holes in the cheese!

– The father, watching TV, replied: Oh, son! Just eat the cheese and leave the holes on the plate.

1. Don't Ask That at Dinner!

A young boy asked his father: "Dad, can we eat a stink bug?" "Yuck! Don’t bring that up at the dinner table," his father replied. After dinner, the father whispered: "Alright, son, what did you want to ask?" The boy softly responded: "Oh, nothing. There was a stink bug in your soup earlier, but it's gone now."

2. Who's Older?

Little P asked his mother:

– Why do some people have white hair, while others have black hair?

Mother:

– The older ones have white hair.

Little P then asked:

– What does "older" mean, mom?

Mother:

– Whoever was born first is older.

Little P, puzzled, asked:

– But I was born before grandma’s birthday, so why does her hair turn completely white?

1. The Well-Behaved Kid

A 3-year-old boy was sitting next to a pregnant woman.
The boy: Why do you look so fat?
The pregnant woman: There's a baby in my belly.
The boy: Is the baby a good child?
The pregnant woman: Yes, it's a very good baby!
The boy: Then why are you eating it?

2. Which One?

Two close friends were chatting: "I wonder how your kids are doing? As for my two boys, they're of the same kind, but one is totally different from the other."
– Oh, how can that be?
– The younger one is well-behaved, polite, hard-working, and a good student. The older one, well, he's rough, rude, always hanging out with friends drinking and partying, never listens to me, and even argues like he's fighting.
– But when did you have another child?
– Another one? What are you talking about?
– Then how do you have two boys? The younger one is fine, but what about the older one?
– It's his dad, of course.
– !!!!!

1. Ten Drinks and 10 PM

Close to dawn, the husband stumbled home, and as the wife opened the door, she scolded him:
– How many times have I told you? No more than two drinks and be home by 10 PM!
– Oh, sorry dear, I keep mixing up those two numbers.

2. The Struggles of Husbands

One evening, the wife stood in front of the mirror, staring at herself, and sighed deeply:
– Oh my, have I really gotten this old, fat, and ugly?
Noticing her husband's indifference, she continued lamenting:
– Women really have it tough. After having a husband and kids, my looks have deteriorated to the point where I don’t even want to look in the mirror anymore.
The husband, who was reading the newspaper nearby, responded:
– You're luckier than me, don’t complain.
Annoyed, she retorted:
– Men like you don’t have to worry about losing your looks, and yet you say I’m luckier.
The husband sighed, put down the newspaper, and said:
– You can only stand a few minutes of looking at yourself in the mirror and feel miserable. But I’ve been looking at you every day for months, and I don’t even get to complain once.

1. Perfect Vision

Wife: "I look so fat. Can you give me a compliment?"
Husband: "Darling, you truly have perfect vision."

2. Dad Wonders the Same

At the dinner table, after a meal, the son asks:
– Dad, why did you marry mom?
– The husband immediately turns to his wife and says loudly: See, I’m not the only one questioning that!

1. Problem Solved

Vien came running in from the backyard to tell her mother:

– Vien: Mom, your rice turned out too soft. But don’t worry, I’ve handled it.

– Mom: Wow, you’re so smart! How did you fix it?

– Vien: I just added two more cups of water, and now it's a soup!

– Mom: Oh my goodness!!!

2. What's the Crime?

The husband, who was having an affair, asked for a divorce:
– Here’s the divorce petition. Please sign it.
– How could you be so heartless?
– You deserved this.
– I may have been foolish, but what’s wrong with that girl? Why are you marrying her?