Top 10 Funniest Animal Jokes

Story 1: What happened to you?
A mosquito flew out of the dorm, looking pitiful with a broken proboscis. Another mosquito saw it and asked:
– What happened to you?
– I thought it was my leg, but it turned out to be a pipe!

Story 2: Why Bovine is Dull

The lion, the king of the jungle, threw a birthday party and invited his friends. To entertain them, he captured a rabbit and a fox to feast on.

The lion told the rabbit and the fox: – Since it’s my birthday, the one who tells the funniest story that makes everyone laugh will be spared.

The rabbit went first. He told an incredibly funny story that had everyone laughing, except for one guest: the cow, a close friend of the lion.

The lion turned to the rabbit:

– Your story was great, but unfortunately my friend the cow didn’t laugh, so I have no choice but to follow the rules and end your life.

Everyone felt sorry for the rabbit. After he was gone, the fox told a completely unfunny and awkward story, but it made one person laugh: the cow. Surprised, everyone turned to the cow and asked:

– Why didn’t you laugh at the rabbit’s story but laughed at the fox’s lame one?

The cow replied: – Oh, I was still laughing at the rabbit’s story from earlier!

Story 1: Crazy Pig

On a farm, the Cow was talking to the Pig:
– Hey Pig, I heard there's a pig here who always claims to be a lion. Do you know who it is?
– I have no idea. I’m not a lion, I’m an elephant.

Story 2: Locked in Jail
A man on a motorcycle accidentally ran into a sparrow. He stopped and saw that the bird was still alive but unconscious!
He took the sparrow home to treat its injuries and placed it in a cage.
When the bird woke up and saw itself in the cage, it panicked...
"Oh no, I ran over that motorcyclist! They’re going to lock me up in prison for good now!"

Story 1: Millipede, Snail, and Grasshopper
On a sunny Sunday, the grasshopper invited the snail and millipede over to his place for a drink. Halfway through, they ran out of beer and debated who would go to buy more. The snail said, “I move so slowly, I fear you’d be waiting forever.” The grasshopper responded, “I fly too fast, I’m afraid the beer would be all foam.” So they all agreed to let the millipede go buy the beer. The grasshopper and snail waited for over an hour, but the millipede didn’t return. They decided to go look for him. When they reached the door, they found the millipede sitting diligently… putting on shoes.

Story 2: The Gay Rooster
On the farm, there were 10 hens, an old rooster, and a young rooster. This was the fourth time the farmer had bought a young rooster to replace the old one. The old rooster tried to convince the newcomer to split the hens with him, but the young rooster refused. The old rooster then began his usual routine:
– You may look stronger, but you might not be faster than me! How about a race?
– Sure, winner takes all.
– I’ll give you a half-lap head start.
– Let’s do it, I’m ready!
The old rooster, both the director and the lead actor, ran ahead while yelling loudly. Hearing the noise, the farmer came out and saw the familiar scene: the new rooster was chasing the old one in a race. With a quick shot, the farmer grabbed the young rooster and muttered as he walked to the kitchen:
– These days, the market sells nothing but… gay roosters!

Story 1: The Snail's Tale!!!
Three snails went on a camping trip. They decided to bring beer and sandwiches. The problem was, the campsite was miles away, so it took them 10 days to get there.

Once they arrived, they started unpacking to have some drinks.

– Hey, pass me the bottle opener, one snail said.

– Oh, I didn’t bring it. I thought you had prepared everything and brought it along.

Both snails turned to the third one and asked:

– Did you bring the bottle opener?

Of course, the third snail hadn’t brought it either. Now, they were stuck in the middle of nowhere with no way to open the beer.

They begged the third snail to go back home and get the opener. The snail refused, saying if it left, the others would eat its sandwich. After hours of pleading, the first two snails promised not to eat anything until the third snail returned. The third snail agreed and slowly started crawling back.

Twenty days passed, and there was still no sign of the third snail. The other two were starving but refused to break their promise.

Five more days went by, and the third snail still hadn't returned. The two snails couldn’t hold out anymore and decided to each take a bite of the sandwich.

Just as they were about to take a bite, the third snail popped out from behind a rock and shouted:

– I knew it!!!... Now I don’t even feel like eating it anymore!!!

Story 2: The Boy Asks His Mother:

– Mom, why are camel's eyes so big?

– Because they live in the desert, which is full of sand. They can keep one eye open while the other rests to prevent sand from damaging their eyes.

– Why are their legs so wide?

– Because they walk on sand. Their wide feet help them avoid sinking into it.

– Then what about the huge humps on their backs?

– Well, camels often travel across deserts with no water or food. The humps store water and nutrients they need to survive in harsh conditions. But why are you asking all these questions about camels?

– Because with all these amazing features, why are they kept in a zoo?!!!

Story 1: The Ants and the Elephant
A colony of ants decided to launch an attack on an elephant. The elephant shook itself lightly, causing the entire swarm of ants to fall to the ground. Only one ant remained, stuck in the elephant's ear. The ants on the ground frantically ran around, shouting:

– Hold on to it! Squeeze its neck!

Story 2: The Prayer
In a nearby village, it became a trend to keep parrots. A woman complained to the priest:

– Father, my parrots only know one phrase: “Hi, we’re party animals! Would you like to have some fun?”

– How vulgar! Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this for you.

– My two parrots, Francis and Job, spend all their time praying and reading the Bible. Bring your parrots to my house. Together with mine, they’ll be taught proper manners and respect.

The woman brought her two parrots to the priest’s house. When the parrots saw Francis and Job holding the Bible and muttering prayers, she released her birds into their presence. The female parrots squawked:

– Hi, we’re party animals! Want to have some fun?

Silence… One of the male parrots dropped the Bible, stared at his friend, and said:

– Francis! Our prayers have been answered!

Story 1: When Venomous Snakes Question Their Venom
Two venomous snakes were hanging out when one suddenly turned to the other and asked:

– Are we venomous?

– Yes, we are extremely venomous.

Then the first snake asked again:

– Are we really venomous?

– Yes, we are! We are among the most venomous creatures on Earth. Why do you keep asking?

– I just bit my own tongue...

– !?!

Story 2: The Special Customers
Two monkeys walked into a bar and ordered two beers. The bartender, who had never served monkeys before, was surprised and rushed upstairs to consult the owner:

– Sir! There are two monkeys downstairs ordering beer! What should I do?

– Just serve them, you fool. But wait, they probably don’t know what’s going on, so charge them double!

The bartender came back downstairs, served the monkeys their beers, and charged them double. Later that evening, the monkeys returned for more drinks. The bartender said:

– We don’t get many monkeys around here...

– Well, with prices like these, it’s no wonder!!! – The monkey replied.

Story 1:

– In a forest, there lived a rabbit and a wolf who were both alcoholics. One day, the wolf saw the rabbit riding a bicycle and asked:

– Where did you get that?

The rabbit replied:

– I don’t drink, so I had enough money to buy it.

A few days later, the wolf saw the rabbit riding a motorcycle and asked again:

– Where did you get that?

The rabbit answered:

– I don’t drink, so I had enough money to buy it.

Some time later, the rabbit saw the wolf flying in an airplane. Surprised, the rabbit asked:

– How did you afford this?

The wolf replied:

– I made the money by selling scrap.

Story 2: A Tale of... Cows:

Two male cows happened to meet on the road. One was plump, named Giôhan, and the other was thin and bony, named Ali. Giôhan, feeling sorry for his friend, asked:

– Ali, how did you end up like this? Your owner must be working you hard, right?

Ali, with tears in his eyes, replied:

– Yes, Giôhan, and they feed me so little!

– Why don’t you come live with me? My owner is great!

– I’d love to, but I can’t right now!

– Why not? What’s stopping you?

– Well, my owner has a beautiful but very foolish daughter!

– So, are you staying to teach her some wisdom?

– No, that’s for later. You know, my owner often scolds his daughter saying, “You’re as dumb as a cow! I’ll marry you off to Ali!”

– That’s interesting! Has he married her off yet?

– Not yet! But I’m hopeful!

Story 1: H1N1 Swine Flu

In a wildlife sanctuary, a wolf, a tiger, and a wild boar were arguing about who was the strongest.

– When I howl, the entire forest trembles as if a storm is coming, – said the wolf, full of pride.

– Well, when I roar, the whole sanctuary shakes like an earthquake, – interrupted the tiger, with a haughty tone.

– As for me, all I need to do is sniffle from a cold, – the boar shyly added – and immediately, the whole planet is filled with worry.

Story 2:

One person bragged to his neighbor on New Year’s Eve:

– One time, I found myself face to face with a ferocious tiger, and I had no weapons with me…

The neighbor gasped:

– Oh my God! What happened then? How did you handle it?

– It was a no-win situation, no way to retreat! I decided to stare straight into the tiger’s eyes while it slowly approached me. After a while, I thought of grabbing its tail to slow it down… but that seemed too dangerous, so I decided against it while the beast continued charging straight at me.

– So how did you escape from that terrifying encounter?

– I turned around and headed straight for the other animal enclosures.

Story 1: The Worries of a Hen and a Cow During Exam Season

A student was studying tirelessly through the night. The cow, hearing this, sighed and spoke to the hen:

– If he starts his exams, you’re finished, and if he passes, I’m the one who’s done for. (Meaning, if he takes the exam, I’ll end up as part of the sacrifice; if he passes, I’ll be eaten in celebration.)

The hen laughed and replied:

– Don’t worry! I know he studies just like you, and he writes just like me. He won’t dare bring his tent to the exam hall, so there’s nothing to fear!

Story 2: How to Make a Camel Drink Water

Two foolish men decided to cross a desert. Unable to afford a car, they bought a camel.

The camel seller warned them:

– This camel can cross the desert, but you must make sure it drinks enough water before you go.

The two men led the camel to a river, pushing its head into the water, but the camel wouldn’t drink. One of the men came up with an idea and said to the other:

– Let’s do it like a straw. I’ll push its head into the water, and you suck from the hole at its rear, and the water will come up.

The second man agreed, so one pressed the camel’s head into the water, while the other started sucking at the back. After a while, the man pressing the head asked:

– Are you getting any water?

The second man replied:

– A little, but don’t push its head too far down. So far, all I’ve managed to suck up is mud!

Story 1: Losing a Job

A man went to the zoo seeking employment. The zoo's famous gorilla had just passed away the night before.

The zoo director said that if the man could impersonate the gorilla, he would be paid since visitors loved watching it. Needing money, the man agreed to take on this odd job. He performed admirably, perfectly mimicking the gorilla's actions.

One day, while swinging from the trees, he fell into the lion's cage. The lion roared. The man panicked, forgetting he was acting as the gorilla, and screamed:

– Help! Help!

The lion came over and whispered:

– Quiet, do you want us all to lose our jobs?

Story 2: The Talking Parrot

A father and son went to the market to buy a bird. At the pet store, the owner brought out a stunning parrot, and the son said:

– Dad, this parrot is gorgeous!

The parrot replied:

– Of course!

– Wow, it can talk! Should we buy it, Dad?

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