Buzz
1. Local Joke Number 4
Story 1:
A man from the South was passing by a house in Hue when a dog from the house suddenly rushed out and bit his leg.
Startled, the man yelled:
- Dog, dog... dog.
The woman from the house, hearing the shout, rushed out to calm the guest, shouting at the dog:
- The dog doesn’t have teeth, the dog doesn’t have teeth.
The man, who had been bitten and was bleeding profusely with his pants torn, was furious and shouted back:
- You're unbelievable! You say the dog doesn’t have teeth, but it just bit my leg, tore my pants!
Meanwhile, the woman only meant to reassure the guest by saying the dog had no illness.
Story 2:
A father came to visit his son in Hanoi. While the son went to work, the father, feeling bored, wandered the streets.
While walking, the father was accidentally bumped by a woman on a motorcycle. He turned around and asked:
- Why did you hit my backside?
The woman, about to apologize, got angry instead and snapped:
- You old man, how could I hit your backside like that?
Confused, the father went home in pain and told his son about the incident. The son explained:
- When you’re here, you need to say 'here' or 'there,' not 'why,' 'where,' or 'what,' Dad. Different places have different expressions.
The next day, the father went out again, and this time he tripped and broke a tooth. When he got home, he told his son:
- Today I tripped and broke a tooth.
2. Local Humor Story #5
Story 1:
The younger son went to work, got married to a woman from the North, and they recently had a baby. So, the grandmother had to come from the South to take care of the little one for the young couple.
With nothing else to do, she spent her days taking care of the baby, but she became curious about the relationship between the couple, so she paid close attention to them.
One day, when the son came back from work, she pulled him aside and asked:
- Lately, what’s going on? Every evening, when your wife keeps asking "Are you feeling sad? Are you feeling sad?", and you laugh like that, what does it mean?
The son turned bright red with embarrassment. It turned out that in the South, people use the word "Nhột" (ticklish), while in the North, they use the word "buồn" (sad). That’s how the misunderstanding happened.
Story 2: A man from the North was in love with a girl from Nghệ An.
One day, the girl took him to meet her family. After lunch, the man suddenly got a terrible stomach ache. Her mother, worried, asked:
- Are you in pain from your tooth?
Despite the pain, the man tried to answer:
- No, it’s my stomach that hurts.
Her mother, still not understanding, asked again:
- I know, but is it your tooth that hurts?
Only after the girl explained did the man realize her mother was asking about the intensity of his pain, not his dental health.
3. Local Humor Story #6
Story 1:
A fisherman was crossing Hội Gate (Nghệ An) by boat when he suddenly heard someone shouting from the boat next to his:
- You’re a mess, since this morning you’ve broken "five plates" and chipped "two bowls"...
The fisherman from the North sighed upon hearing this:
- What bad luck! It’s barely morning, and already you’ve broken both your wife and your mother!
Another boatman overhearing the conversation quickly explained:
- Sir! The boat you’re hearing belongs to people from Nghi Lộc, they sell crockery. The father was scolding his son for breaking five plates and chipping two bowls.
Story 2:
A man from the South came to visit his girlfriend’s family in Central Vietnam. When the meal was served, he refused to eat and just stared at the chopsticks before running out to call a friend.
- Where are you? Come rescue me!
- What happened?
- This afternoon, I heard my girlfriend’s father say: "Take the 'bô' to buy rice for dinner", how can I eat something so dirty?
His friend laughed out loud upon hearing this, as he realized the old man had meant to say "take the bag to buy rice" but the local dialect turned "bag" into "bô" (a term for a dirty container).
4. Local Humor Story #7
1. Story 1: Swearing???!!!
A man from the South and his father-in-law from Quảng Nam.
The father-in-law asked: "Can you please take the car out for a bit today?"
The man replied: "I'm stuck right now."
The father-in-law, holding a stick, chased after him and shouted: "I asked you to take the car! If you can’t, that’s fine, but why are you swearing?"
The son-in-law, while running, said: "I just said I was stuck, why are you accusing me of swearing?!!!"
The daughter, seeing how tense things were, ran out and shouted: "Dad, Dad! The word 'stuck' in the South means something different from the word 'stuck' in the Central region, Dad!"
2. Story 2: Bad Luck
A fisherman was crossing Hội Gate (Nghệ An) by boat when he suddenly heard someone shouting from a nearby boat:
- You’re a mess! Since this morning you’ve broken "five plates" and chipped "two bowls"...
The fisherman from the North sighed upon hearing this:
- What bad luck! It’s barely morning, and already you’ve broken both your wife and your mother!
Another boatman overhearing the conversation quickly explained:
- Sir! The boat you’re hearing belongs to people from Nghi Lộc, they sell crockery. The father was scolding his son for breaking five plates and chipping two bowls.
5. Local Humor Story #8
1. Story 1: In the Doctor's Office:
After the checkup, the doctor said to the young patient:
- Could you give me your phone number so I can call you when your health results are ready?
The young girl replied: - Sure, every two or three days I’ll clean up a little!
The doctor shook his head:
- No! I don't need to know about your cleaning habits. I’m asking for your phone number!
The girl repeated: - Sure, every two or three days I’ll clean up a little!
The doctor shook his head more forcefully: - I don’t need to know if you shower two or three times a day or every two or three weeks, just give me your phone number...
Frustrated, the young girl replied: - Fine! Here’s my number: Two-three cleanups a little (237-817)
Scene 2: A few days later, the doctor asked the patient again during a follow-up:
- Why can’t I reach you? Did you change your number?
The girl replied: - I’ve moved on, now it’s five cleans a day, no more, no less! (567-0808)
The doctor exclaimed: - Oh my goodness!
Scene 3: The doctor still couldn’t reach her:
The girl replied: - Well, my pet squirrel insisted on changing it. Doctor, this is the final number: nine cleans a year, no showers (897-1508)
The doctor said: - Ugh! One year without a shower? Please leave my office!
2. Story 2: At the Bus Station (as told by someone from Quảng):
A man from Dziệt Nôm came back to visit his hometown. At the bus station, he saw a pretty girl and wanted to approach her, but he wasn’t sure how to start.
He followed her onto the bus, down the road, and into a narrow alley. From time to time, the girl glanced over at him, making him dizzy. Finally, unable to hold back, he nervously said:
- Excuse me, can I have your phone number so I can contact you?
The girl shyly replied: - Clean it up a bit, clean it up...
- You’re mistaken, I don’t like this kind of thing.
The girl blushed and said: - I’ve already said it, here’s my number: clean it up a bit, clean it up... (820-8282)?
6. Local Humor Story #9
1. Story 1:
A man walked into a barbershop. A barber came out and greeted him in a Huế accent:
– Hello, sir, would you like a short or long haircut? The man replied in the same accent:
– I’d like it short, please.
– Oh my goodness, you’re so handsome, why go short? Such a waste!
– Short or long, it’s up to me. How much do you charge?
– It’s 20,000 VND.
– Why so expensive? Other places only charge 15,000 VND.
– 20,000 is the price. Have you had your hair cut yet?
The man, feeling embarrassed, replied curtly:
– No, I haven’t.
– I’ve never seen anyone like you, you’re so handsome, yet you want a short haircut, or none at all!
2. Story 2: I’ve decided not to have children anymore
There was a teacher named P. who was very passionate about training future educators. One day, after seeing how poorly her students were performing, with grammar and writing even worse than a high-achieving seventh grader’s work, her frustration had been building up and finally burst. She couldn’t hold back and blurted out:
“Oh my goodness! How can someone like this become a secondary school teacher? That’s it… that’s it… I’ve decided… I won’t have any more children!”
At first, the students were confused and surprised, but then the worst ones understood the message: “If I have kids, they’ll learn from teachers like you who are so bad. I can’t let that happen. I feel sorry for my child, so I won’t bring them into this world.”
It was strange and funny, but in the end, she shouldn’t have said that because not everyone is bad, not everyone is failing. However, everyone understood and sympathized with her, and it made them think about the so-called “vicious cycle.”
7. Local Joke Story No. 10
1. Story 1: NEW MAT, FLOWER MAT
In the late afternoon, while visiting the sugarcane field near harvest time, he encountered a woman coming out of the field. She was going to the bathroom, but he mistakenly assumed she was stealing sugarcane. He threatened to report her to the village. Scared, she agreed to let him 'trade' the sugarcane without reporting her. After agreeing, she suggested, - It's too dirty here, what should I do? He quickly replied, - Alright, just stand aside for a moment, I'll go get a mat for you. She agreed. He rushed home and grabbed a new flower mat he had just bought to place on the altar. Carrying the mat, he went back to the field but couldn't find her. He called out eagerly: - Hey! Where are you? The new mat, the flower mat is here now!2. Story 2: ACT LIKE ME...
In the scorching sun, a young woman was picking up corn that had spilled on the road. He passed by, helped her pick up the corn, and asked, - What happened? Why did the corn spill? She replied, - Some rude guy walked by and grabbed my chest, which startled me and caused the corn to fall! He carefully helped her pick up the corn and then lifted one side of her basket to put on her head. After that, holding the basket with one hand, he mimicked the young man who had caused the spill and said: - That guy is wicked but doesn't know where he's going. If he acted like me, he wouldn't have spilled your corn like that.
8. Local Joke Story No. 1
Story 1: The Father-in-law from Quảng Visits His Daughter in Saigon
One day, he told his son-in-law, "Tomorrow, take me to the zoo!"
The son-in-law, busy with work, replied:
- Tomorrow? I'm tied up, let my wife take you instead.
The father-in-law, outraged, yelled:
- What the hell, if you won't take me, fine, but why are you cursing me?
- !!!!
It turns out the phrase "con kẹt" from the South was mistakenly understood by the Quảng native as an insult.
Story 2: A Wife from Hà Tĩnh Visits Her Husband Working in Hanoi
To help his wife communicate better with locals, the husband taught her how to use the Hanoi dialect, like "mô," "tê," "răng" in Hà Tĩnh, which should be replaced with "đâu," "kia," "sao" in Hanoi.
On a trip, after sitting for a while, the wife felt numbness in her legs. Remembering her husband's instructions, she told him:
- Darling, my legs are feeling numb.
9. Local Joke Story No. 2
Story 1:
A man from the South moved to the North to start a new life. Before boarding the plane, he remembered that in the South, they called it "pineapple," but in the North, it was called "dứa" (pineapple).
One day, he took his girlfriend to the park to confess his love. When things were getting heated, he said:
- Can I "dứa" you once?
- !!!!!
Story 2: A Wife from Hà Tĩnh Visits Hanoi
While at a restaurant, the wife remembered her husband's advice to use the words "đâu," "kia," "sao..." instead of the local words "mô," "tê," "răng..." in Hà Tĩnh. So, she asked the waiter:
- Excuse me, could I please have a toothpick?
10. Local Joke Story No. 3
Story 1:
A man from the North visited Huế and, upon seeing a beautiful female boatman, wanted to strike up a conversation. After greeting her, she asked, "Why are you here?"
The man, annoyed, thought she was asking something odd and replied:
- Why? My teeth are in my mouth, where else would they be?
The boatwoman, feeling offended by his rudeness, retorted:
- Why are you so foolish?
Fuming, the man snapped:
- Hey, lady, I have a mouthful of wisdom teeth, so why do you...
- !!!!!
It turned out she was simply asking why he was at that place, not commenting on his teeth.
Story 2: A Southern Woman Visits the North During a Heatwave
After dinner, a Northern colleague noticed that the Southern woman seemed to be uncomfortable due to the heat. He kindly approached her and suggested:
- You should go to your room early and take off your socks. It will be much cooler and more comfortable in this heat.
The next day, during the first meeting, the colleague noticed that the woman wasn't present and was curious. After the meeting, he asked about her and found out that she had excused herself due to a cold. It turned out that she misunderstood his advice and took off her "socks" instead of "stockings" and went to sleep, catching a chill in the process.
