Top 10 Funniest Office Jokes

1. The Right Profession

Two old friends meet after a long time:
– How's work going for you?

– I’ve been unemployed for a few months now. I can’t stand for too long, sitting is tough too, and I can always feel the weather changing. I’m just not sure what job suits me.

– What illness do you have?
– Rheumatism.
– Oh, I thought it was something serious. Don’t worry, I’ll find a suitable job for you.
– What kind of job?
– Weather forecasting.

2. The Heavy Worries

A young man visits an ad saying 'A once-in-a-lifetime opportunity', where he meets a man with a worried look. The man explains:
- Your job will be to take on all my worries.
- That sounds tough! How much will you pay me?
- 20,000 USD to take all my worries and make them your own.
- What should I start worrying about for you?
- Finding 40,000 USD!

3. Borrowing Money

During lunch break, one employee asks a colleague:
- So many weddings happening lately, but my salary is...
- Planning to borrow some money?
- Yeah, do you have any to lend me?
His colleague replies enthusiastically:
- Oh, it’s simple. If you borrow under 10,000 VND, just ask me. But if you need over 10,000 VND, you’ll need to ask my wife!

The employee is surprised:
- But that’s impossible! You’re not married yet!
- Exactly, that’s why I said it’s highly unlikely!

1. High Rank

Two old friends meet after a long time. After catching up on old memories, they shift the conversation to work. One asks:
– So how’s the new job going?
– It’s okay, but I have 70 people working under me.
– Congratulations! So, did you get promoted to manager or assistant manager?
– No! Still a regular guy, but now I work on the 3rd floor.

2. The Humorous Doctor

It sounds serious. Three doctors are already there!

A doctor is sleeping with his wife when another doctor calls:
– Can you come right now and make up the fourth hand for a game of cards?
– Sure! I’ll go right away!
His wife helps him gather his things and asks:
– Is it really that urgent?
– Yes! It sounds really serious. Three doctors are already there!

3. Ideal Job

Urgent hiring: 10 beer makers, no experience or degrees required. Work 4 hours a day, salary: $3,000/month.
We are a large joint venture company with 85% foreign investment, specializing in high-quality beer production. We urgently need to hire 10 beer makers.
Requirements: Good health, no heart conditions, pleasant appearance, no experience necessary. The company will provide training.
Salary: $1,500/month during the trial period (4 hours/day). After one month, if successful, the salary increases to $3,000.
Job description: Simple, just carry the beer around for the archers and shooters practicing.

1. The Honest Lawyer

A female consultant begins her own business. As a sharp and diligent woman, she quickly grows her business to the point where she needs to hire a few lawyers to assist with consultations.
She starts interviewing the first candidate:

– I’m sure you understand that in an environment like ours, personal integrity is extremely important. Tell me, are you an honest lawyer?
– Honest? – the candidate exclaims. Let me tell you a story to prove that. I am so honest that when my father lent me $15,000 to attend law school, I paid him back every cent when I took on my first lawsuit.

The potential employer comments:

– Impressive…

– So what was that case about? – she asks next.
The lawyer hesitates for a second and admits:
– My father sued me to get the money back.
It seems the lawyer’s father was very wise to sue his son, otherwise, who knows when he would have received that money. This shows how it’s considered normal for children to take from their parents, but it’s incredibly hard for parents to get anything back from their children.

2. Why Hiring Talented People

At a factory, the director calls the head of HR and gives an order:
– Find someone with the necessary skills to replace me soon.
– Find a young, talented person in the factory who can replace me in the future.

– What should I do, boss?

– Don’t ask questions, just get it done!

– Yes, but once I find them, what should I assign them to?

– Fire them immediately.

– !?!

3. The Cautious Boss

A manager instructs his secretary:
– If a girl named Pi Pi calls, tell her I’m at the leather store paying for the leather jacket I owe her.
– Yes, sir!
– If the leather store owner calls, tell them I’m at the bank withdrawing money.
– Yes, sir!
– If the bank calls, say I’m with the accountant handling the payment forms. If the accountant calls, tell them I’m in a very important meeting at the office.
– And if the CEO’s office calls?

– If the CEO’s office calls, say my wife urgently needs me and I have to go meet her.
– What if my wife calls?
– If my wife calls, say I just left. May God bless her!
– And what if God calls?

This manager is very careful and clever, having prepared specific responses for every possible call. Each person will be satisfied with the answer, even if they can’t meet him. But what would happen if God called? I wonder if the manager had a clever response ready for that too!

A dedicated employee works tirelessly throughout the year and approaches the boss for vacation leave.
The boss, astonished, replies:
- What? You want to take time off? How shameless! Don’t you realize how little you actually work? Let me calculate for you:
A year has 365 days. You sleep 8 hours a day, that’s 122 days. That leaves 243 days. Every day you have 8 hours of free time, subtracting another 122 days. So, you’re left with 121 days. Sundays are off, and there are 52 Sundays in a year, leaving 69 days.
At this point, the boss stops and asks:
- Are you still following along?
- Yes!
The boss continues:
- And don’t forget, you don’t work on Saturday afternoons either. 52 Saturdays divided by 2 equals 26, so another 26 days off. That leaves you with 69 – 26 = 43 days! But wait, there's more. You take a 2-hour break every day, adding up to 30 days.
- So what else, boss?
- Oh, and you still have 13 days off for holidays.
- So, what’s left?
- Well, you’ve got exactly 1 day left! But that happens to be May 1st, and you’re not supposed to work then either. So, what did you actually do in a year? And now you dare to ask for time off?

2. Secretary Calls the Boss 'Grandpa'

During a break at a meeting, two secretaries are chatting:
- I noticed you and the boss seem really close. How do you address him?
- It’s simple! In front of his family or colleagues, I call him 'Sir'. But when it’s just the two of us, I call him 'bro'. How about you?
- I’m different. In public, I call him 'Sir'. But when it’s just the two of us, I call him 'Grandpa'.
- Oh my! Do you think he hates you for that?
- How could he? Every time I say, “Oh... my dear Grandpa!” he laughs heartily.

3. Fired Due to a Misunderstanding

A young man is fired and returns home. When his father asks what happened, he explains.

- Dad, it’s because my boss was jealous! I walked around the workshop, hands behind my back, observing how everyone was working.

- What was he jealous of?

- The staff all thought I was their boss, not him.

1. The Horse Applying for a Job

In the middle of the night, the director of a circus receives a phone call:
- Sir, do you need a talking horse?

- Nonsense.

The director answers and hangs up.

Five minutes later, the phone rings again:

- Sir, do you need a talking horse?

- You’re crazy.

The director yells and hangs up again.

Ten minutes later, the same phone call, but this time with a different question:

- Sir, do you think it’s easy dialing with hooves?

- !!!???

2. The Model Citizens

The boss takes his young secretary out for a drive in his new car, but suddenly, the car breaks down. He says to her:
- "As the boss, I’d call the roadside assistance right away, but as a man, I should fix the car myself." He gets out and crawls under the car.
The secretary calls out:
- "As a woman, I need to stay in the car, but as a secretary, I need to be by your side." She immediately gets out and joins him under the car.
Half an hour later, a man walking by says:
- "As a polite person, I shouldn’t interrupt, but as a good citizen, I feel it’s my duty to inform you both: the car just drove off."

3. Being Careful Like a Secretary

The CEO of a corporation attends a summary meeting at one of its subsidiary companies.
The female secretary prepares the speech for him. Later, when they return, the CEO asks her:
- Why does the speech seem so long, and why are some parts repetitive? I noticed people in the audience yawning, some even snoring.

- Oh no, I forgot to mention! Knowing how forgetful you are, I had the 10-page report photocopied into 3 copies, just in case we lost one. I apologize for that.

1.Đơn xin việc.

Chuyện kể rằng có 3 chàng trai, một Lào, một Cao Miên, một Việt cùng đền FPT nộp đơn xin việc. Trưởng Phòng TCCB mời anh Lào vào hỏi trước:

- Có việc như thế này… Anh xem có làm được không?

- Tôi làm được – Anh Lào hăng hái trả lời.

- Lương bao nhiêu thì anh có thể chấp nhận?

Anh Lào, vốn thật thà như cả dân tộc của mình trả lời:

- 500,000 đồng.

Trưởng Phòng cho anh Lào ra ngoài đợi. Đến lượt anh Cao Miên vào. Trưởng Phòng TCCB lại hỏi:

- Có việc như thế này… Anh xem có làm được không?

- Tôi làm được – Anh Cao Miên hăng hái trả lời.

- Lương bao nhiêu thì anh có thể chấp nhận?

Anh Cao Miên vốn là dân tộc đời sau láu cá hơn đời trước trả lời:

- 1000,000 đồng.

- Ô đắt quá. Anh có biết anh Lào sẵn sàng làm việc này chỉ với 500.000 không?

- Xin lỗi, Anh không hiểu ý em. Em cũng chỉ lấy 500.000, còn 500.000 là đẻ biếu anh.

Trưởng Phòng cho anh Cao Miên ra ngoài đợi. Đến lượt anh Việt Nam vào. Trưởng Phòng TCCB lại hỏi:

- Có việc như thế này… Anh xem có làm được không?

- Quá dễ – Anh Viêt Nam hăng hái trả lời.

- Lương bao nhiêu thì anh có thể chấp nhận?

Anh Việt Nam, mà chúng ta đã biết quá rõ, trả lời:

- 1.500,000 đồng.

- Ô đắt quá. Anh có biết anh Lào sẵn sàng làm việc này chỉ với 500.000 không?

- Xin lỗi, Anh không hiểu ý em. Em cũng chỉ lấy 500.000, còn 500.000 là đẻ biếu anh. 500.000 còn lại em thuê thằng Lào nó làm.

2.Tiêu chuẩn chọn thư ký

Một công ty nọ tuyển nữ thư ký có 4 ứng viên cho vị trí này.
Phòng nhân sự đặt ra tình huống như sau: "Có một vị khách, sau khi làm việc với giám đốc, lúc ra về đã để quên trên bàn một phong bì tiền. Người thư ký cần phải xử lý như thế nào?".
Ứng viên thứ nhất viết: "Tôi sẽ tìm người khách đó và trả lại họ" và người này nhanh chóng bị loại vì giải pháp đưa ra quá "trẻ con".
Ứng viên thứ hai: "Nộp vào quỹ công đoàn". Ứng viên này cũng bị loại bởi lý do "đem của miền xuôi đi nuôi miền ngược".
Ứng viên thứ ba có cách xử lý "sáng tạo" hơn một chút, cô viết: "Tôi sẽ đưa cho giám đốc, làm tiền tiêu riêng". Tuy nhiên câu trả lời đi thẳng vào vấn đề của cô gái này làm hội đồng tuyển dụng hơi phân vân e ngại.
Ứng viên thứ tư thì chẳng viết gì, chỉ ghé tai chủ tịch hội đồng tuyển dụng thì thào: "Em sẽ gửi giám đốc số tiền ấy thật kín đáo trong lần gặp sớm nhất!".
Và ứng viên thứ tư này đã trúng tuyển bởi khả năng xử lý công việc kín kẽ mà không để lại dấu vết gì.

3.Khi Sếp sợ nhân viên

Hôm ấy, tự dưng tôi bị vợ cằn nhằn vì một chuyện không đâu. Ngẫm cuộc đời mình sao mà khốn nạn, hết sếp lại đến vợ chỉ đạo, ra đường đầu gấu bắt nạt.
Thế rồi, không hiểu trời xui đất khiến thế nào mà tôi đến công ty theo kiểu "phớt ăng lê". Gặp trưởng phòng hành chính, tôi không mở miệng chào như mọi khi, tay này hậm hực.
Gặp trưởng phòng tổ chức, tôi cũng "quên" chào, anh ta trợn mắt ngớ người.
Xe giám đốc tới. Sếp bệ vệ bước xuống. Đáng lẽ như mọi khi tôi phải chạy đến, cong lưng, gập mình: "Em kính chào sếp ạ", nhưng hôm nay thì... lạnh băng.
Sếp tỏ thái độ không hài lòng bằng sự chuyển đổi bộ mặt đang đỏ tưng bừng sang tím tái. Cô thư ký riêng "mắt xanh mỏ đỏ" loe xoe ra đón cũng không làm sếp nguôi ngoai cơn bực.
Đồng nghiệp nhìn tôi lè lưỡi lắc đầu, thì thào:
- Tai hoạ sẽ giáng xuống cho mà xem.
Nhưng buổi tối, sau cuộc hội ý chớp nhoáng của lãnh đạo, tay trợ lý sếp đến nhà gặp tôi. Qua hồi vòng vèo, y hỏi:
- Các sếp bảo có phải ông biết gì về cuộc thanh tra sắp tới à?
Tôi cảnh giác
- Sao các sếp hỏi thế? Làm quái gì có thanh tra nào
Tay trợ lý nhăn nhở cười
- Vậy thì chắc chắn là cậu tìm ra được họ hàng làm trên Tổng công ty rồi phải không? Sao không báo cho anh em một tiếng. Đây, có tí quà sếp bảo tớ mang biếu cậu.

1. Never Lie to the Boss

The boss sternly tells the employee:
- Yesterday, you took a day off to see a doctor, but then I saw you at the stadium. Why did you lie?
The employee quickly defends himself:
- I didn’t lie, boss. My doctor was playing left wing in that match.
Boss: !!????

2. The 'Award' Speech

The director of a garment factory gives a speech at a conference:

- Ladies, let's improve our skills so our export products stay consistent. Right now, if you look at the production chart, it's all over the place: the shirt sales are always going up, while pants... well, they always seem to go down! And when they go down... a lot of problems pop up!

3. The Boss ‘Films’ the Secretary

Since installing the camera system, the district leaders can directly monitor activities in various communes.

- I heard your district installed cameras at the commune offices?

- Yes, we did. This is to manage working hours and staff attitudes. The main server is in the management room.
- That's impressive, really shows the power of information technology.
- The camera system also records all activities, making everything run smoothly.
- Unlike our office, where the boss installed cameras to monitor working hours, but everyone comes and goes on time... while in between, they’re secretly playing games.
- Doesn’t the boss monitor the cameras?
- Well, there’s a secret... someone installed a camera in the boss’s office to ‘cross-check.’ And guess what? We saw the boss filming the secretary.
So now, everyone knows what's going on, and no one is afraid, everyone just keeps playing along.

1. Increasing Workload to Stop Complaints

John is the owner of a seafood export business. Despite his success, he is known for being strict and stingy.
One day, a friend tells him:
“Hey, I heard that your employees are so busy they don’t even have time to breathe, everyone is complaining!”
John sighs:
“Is that so? I guess I need to adjust something!”.
The friend agrees:
“Exactly! If something’s wrong, it needs fixing!”
John nods:
“Yes, I should adjust the workload, since they still have time to complain.”

2. The Truth About Our Boss

On the first day of work, the Boss says: “Do your best, you’ll get promoted quickly.”
After a week, the Boss says: “You need to work harder!!”

After a month, the Boss says: “You need to contribute even more to the company!!!
After a quarter, the Boss says: “Didn’t I tell you to work harder? Are you even listening to me!!!??

3. The Secret to Punctual Employees

There was a company where no employee was ever late. During an interview about management, a reporter asked the company’s director about the secret to having all employees show up on time:
– Can you share the secret behind your company’s 100% punctuality?
The director smiled and replied:
– Let me clarify, my employees not only come on time, but sometimes they even arrive an hour early!

The reporter marveled:
– That’s an impressive achievement! What’s the secret behind it?
The director explained slowly:
– Well, it’s not really a secret. The company has 200 parking spots. Of these, 190 are free, but the remaining 10 cost 30 times the usual price, and they go to the last 10 employees to arrive at the office.
– !!!

1. Losing Patience

A man went to the bank to exchange money. The bank clerk carefully examined the banknote and asked:
- The person who signed this doesn't seem very calm?
- I know. This manager of mine has this habit of shaking like a leaf every time someone points a gun at his chest!

2. Thinking Ahead

The CEO called the head of HR and gave an order:
– Find a young, capable person in the factory who could replace me in the future.
– What should I have him do once I find him?
– Fire him immediately.

3. Girl Gets in Trouble Because a 'Handsome Guy' Helped Her

Seeing his roommate return with an unusually happy expression, Tèo asked and got an unexpected answer.
Tèo asked:
- What's the good news, Tý?

Tý smiled mischievously:
- Today I did something really good.
Tèo was surprised:
- What was it?
Tý scratched his head:
- Well, today when I was walking to the parking lot at school, I saw a car with its key still in the lock. At first glance, I could tell it belonged to a girl because it was pink and had cute flower stickers on it. Naturally, being the kind person I am, I decided to help.
Tèo nodded:
- Yeah, girls are usually so forgetful. So how did you help?
Tý proudly patted his chest:
- I immediately took the key, put it in the car’s trunk, and left a note: 'I noticed you left your key behind, so I’ve put it in your trunk. No need to thank me.' When I came back, I saw her standing next to the car, reading my note and crying like a waterfall, she must have been so touched!

1. Cannot Refuse

A newly established company was looking to hire office staff. They put up a sign outside their headquarters that read: "Hiring – All applicants have a chance if they are proficient in typing, computer skills, and know a foreign language."
A stray dog walked by the company headquarters, saw the advertisement, and pushed the door open. It looked at the receptionist, wagged its tail, approached the sign, and began barking.
Understanding the signal, the receptionist called the department head. He was shocked to learn that the applicant was a dog. However, seeing the dog's determination, he still allowed it into the interview room. At first, he rejected it:
– A puppy is not suitable for this position. The job requires typing skills.
The dog ran to the typewriter, typed a complete letter, pulled the paper out, and handed it to the manager, then jumped onto the chair proudly.

The department head was stunned but came up with another excuse:
– The advertisement specifies that the applicant must be proficient in computers.
The dog quickly went to the computer, worked flawlessly, and filled out a tax form completely.
At this point, the manager was speechless. After a long pause, he finally spoke:
– I can see you're a very, very smart dog with some interesting skills. However, I still can't give you this job.
The dog jumped off the chair, walked over to a copy of the advertisement, and placed its front paw on the line: "All applicants have a chance."
The manager shrugged:
– That's true, but the job also requires knowledge of a foreign language.
The dog looked at the manager calmly and said:
– Me..e..e..o..o..o!

2. A Responsible Person

During an interview at a certain company, the CEO asked the candidate:

– What are your standout qualities?

The candidate proudly answered:

– I am a very responsible person!

The CEO was pleased with the answer and asked further:

– Can you elaborate on your sense of responsibility?

The candidate replied:

– In all the companies I've worked for, I’ve always been the one to take responsibility for any mistakes or failures.

3. Expensive Gossip

During work hours, seeing his female employees gossiping about trivial things, the boss became annoyed:
– Hey, ladies! You’re all young and wasting time chatting about clothes and dresses… things that have no real value!
The female employees giggled:
– Alright, let’s switch to discussing valuable things like gold, silver, dollars, and diamonds!