Top 10 Things Parents Should Never Say to Their Children

This is a mistake many parents easily make. You may have numerous connections in a particular industry and want your child to follow that path, believing it will lead to success. But have you ever asked if your child is passionate about that field? Do they have the love and patience to dedicate themselves to it for 8 hours a day, 365 days a year, for the rest of their lives? Have you considered that if your relationship with people in that industry deteriorates, how might that affect your child's job in the future?

Let your child freely pursue their own passion. When they follow their true calling, they'll find ways to succeed. It's natural for parents to want their children to be successful, but imposing your dreams and expectations onto them is a mistake. Children will feel an invisible pressure to fulfill your ambitions. Some parents even prioritize achievements and push their children to study non-stop, neglecting their developmental needs at a young age. Therefore, it's important to encourage your child, but avoid putting too much pressure on them, or it could overwhelm them.

Even if your child seems slower to understand compared to others, never tell them such hurtful words, as they can cause deep emotional scars. Remember, when your child sees their friends finish an assignment effortlessly while they struggle to grasp it, they're already feeling confused and anxious. Instead of scolding and criticizing, spend time patiently guiding your child. There are many instances where parents, frustrated when children make mistakes or fail to complete a task, may lose their temper and say things like 'You're so stupid,' 'You're useless,' or 'I regret having you.'

Such words will make your child feel deeply hurt, leading to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt, believing they are incompetent. These words also create a growing distance between parents and children. The child will no longer want to share their struggles or even try to improve because they feel, 'No matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough in my parents’ eyes.' Never tell your child that they were unwanted or a mistake, even as a joke. It will make them feel abandoned and push them further away from you.

How would you feel if one day your husband suddenly said, 'Why are you so fat and old while neighbor A is so young and beautiful'? Your child, when compared to others, will feel exactly the same way. No one enjoys being compared to a 'perfect' version of themselves. Comparing your child to other people's children is a common habit among many parents. They think that by holding up another child as an example, their own child will improve. But the reality is far different. It’s simply a reflection of the parents’ jealousy and expectations. Constant comparisons to other children will cause your child to feel hurt and disrespected, eroding their self-confidence and leading them to feel inferior.

This also stunts your child's potential. Over time, the relationship between you and your child may worsen. They might think their parents don't love them, but instead want a 'perfect' child. By only comparing them without providing guidance on how to improve, your child will lose direction in their growth. As they grow older, they may fall into the same pattern as their parents, chasing after achievements and forcing themselves to compete with others. Children who struggle more might become more withdrawn, sometimes even developing envy and resentment toward others.

Praising your child is never wrong, but making them overly proud of themselves is never a good idea. Children are naturally competitive and easily feel insecure. It's important to praise your child, but also encourage them to work harder and help others who may be struggling. This way, they will develop a more compassionate and friendly attitude toward those around them.

While praising and encouraging your child is crucial, parents must be mindful of how they offer these words of support. Instead of saying 'You're so smart' or 'You did so well,' parents should say, 'I'm really proud of how hard you worked.' Constant praise may lead your child to become dependent on external validation, and can even foster a sense of complacency, where they stop striving for greater effort and achievement.

Even though you may be very busy, never turn down your child's request more than twice a day. You can't always understand how much children love their parents, and they may also be facing some small issues that need your help. Constant rejection can deeply hurt them and even lead to feelings of depression, making them think no one needs them anymore. Parents inevitably have moments when they're busy and need a bit of peace.

However, if you frequently tell your child things like 'Don't bother me,' or 'I'm busy,' you risk creating a barrier between you and your child. Continuous rejection can harm your child emotionally and lead them to feel isolated. Over time, they may become less willing to open up to you. Instead, try explaining why you're busy and ask for their patience: 'I just need to finish this. Why don't you sit quietly and draw for a bit? Afterward, we can go play together.'

Remember that encouragement is different from demands. When your child is excited to share an achievement they’ve made at school, join in their happiness. Don’t dismiss it as something insignificant or keep saying they need to get A's or B's to be considered truly successful. Placing excessive expectations on your child is a huge mistake, as it can lead to feelings of crisis and exhaustion.

Every parent wants their child to succeed, but in the process of focusing on their academic achievements, many parents neglect their child's emotional well-being. When it comes to mental health, many parents are unsure how to approach the situation. The first thing parents should pay attention to is how they speak to their children, particularly being mindful of certain comments that could leave long-lasting emotional scars.

Instead of getting angry over something your child did, a better response would be: 'I don't like it when you do that,' followed by an explanation of why. It's important for children to understand how their actions can affect others. This will encourage them to be more mindful of other people's feelings instead of only focusing on their own. By staying calm, you're teaching your child that we all have the ability to manage our emotions in a healthy way.

In the end, you wouldn't want your child to grow up thinking it's okay to blame others when they're upset. Of course, we're all human, and sometimes we lose our composure. If this happens and you say something you'll regret, start by apologizing with something like: 'I'm sorry for losing my temper. Next time, I'll take a moment to calm down.'

In reality, the adult world is full of contradictions, so parents shouldn't impose their personal judgments on their child's perception of others. Unless someone is truly harmful and poses a danger to your child's safety, allow them to maintain a positive outlook on those around them, especially family members. This is particularly important if parents are divorced or have conflicts, as children often feel the tension. When parents fight or separate, children inevitably experience sadness, guilt, and embarrassment in front of their friends.

Adding to that, if children have to endure constant negative remarks from one or both parents, it can lead to an emotional crisis. Many children fall into sadness, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence, making them more vulnerable to negative influences. If the relationship cannot be maintained between the couple during marriage or after divorce, at least strive to be a supportive parent who helps guide your child through the future, rather than letting selfishness and ignorance create lasting harm for them.

As parents, everything we do around our children can leave lasting effects, but our words can be just as impactful. The things we say to our children, or to those around them, not only reflect our beliefs about the world, but also shape the child's worldview as they grow up.

One thing that adults must understand is that children are naturally mischievous, and it’s normal for them to come home with dirty clothes after playing. Kids in the neighborhood are always up to some fun, and don’t try to stop your child from joining in on that joyful chaos. Is that really the kind of childhood you want for your child, one limited to laptops and smartphones?

An expert once commented that if you want to see real courage, ask a child. This is because adults have too many fears—fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of wasting time, fear of spending money. Therefore, you should act as a mentor and protector from a distance rather than constantly shielding your child. Authors William Stixrud and Ned Johnson argue that such statements only fuel fear and are ineffective in motivating children. In fact, they create pressure on children, making them more likely to avoid parental advice.

Furthermore, adults often create scenarios that are too distant from a child’s understanding. As a result, education is less effective. Instead, parents should show children the immediate consequences so they can learn and reflect. For example, if the child doesn’t clean the house, it will become dirty; if they don't practice this math problem, they won’t know how to calculate... Telling a child flat out, 'You can’t do it' will only damage their self-confidence.