Top 5 Traditional Wedding Rituals in Vietnam

The traditional Vietnamese wedding ceremony continues with the procession to bring the bride home, also known as the wedding procession. During this ritual, the groom brings the bride to his house with wedding flowers and gifts. Following tradition, both families exchange ceremonial offerings and prepare the bride's dowry as a gesture of blessing for the couple's lifelong happiness and prosperity.

The Return Visit Ceremony takes place after the wedding. During this ceremony, the couple brings offerings to the bride's family to honor their ancestors and visit the bride's parents. This ceremony usually occurs 1 to 3 days after the wedding. In the past, when it took place immediately after the wedding, it was called 'Nhị Hỷ' (Second Happiness), and if held three days later, it was referred to as 'Tứ Hỷ' (Fourth Happiness). If timing is an issue, the ceremony can be postponed with the agreement of both the bride and groom and the bride's parents, though it's preferable not to delay it for too long.

In the past, the Return Visit Ceremony was quite elaborate. The groom would prepare betel leaves, areca nuts, wine, meat, sticky rice, and chicken for the ancestral offering. These items were typically arranged by the groom's family as a gesture of affection and respect for the bride's family. Meanwhile, the bride's family would prepare a feast to welcome the newlyweds.

Over time, the ceremony has become simpler to fit modern times. Today, brides are no longer confined by the tradition of 'new daughter-in-law bought by the parents-in-law,' so most can visit their families whenever they like. The Return Visit Ceremony has therefore become more informal and is now a matter of goodwill between the two families. The groom's family might bring simple gifts, and the bride's family might prepare a casual, warm meal. What's truly important today is that it gives the bride's family a chance to welcome the new member and for the couple to express their love and respect to their parents.

This is the first ritual in a traditional Vietnamese wedding. Unlike the betrothal ceremony, the engagement ceremony, also known as the initial meeting, is when the groom's and bride's families meet officially for the first time to discuss the couple's future and preparations for the upcoming engagement ceremony. After some time of dating and getting to know each other, if the bride and groom feel they are well-suited and wish to commit long-term, they inform both families to proceed with the wedding arrangements.

The engagement ceremony does not require a matchmaker or extravagant gifts. Both families discuss the chosen engagement and wedding dates, as well as other procedures. The traditional offerings for this day usually include betel leaves and areca nuts, and sometimes herbal tea, cigarettes, or sweets. If the groom’s family has someone skilled in the preparation of ceremonial gifts, they may also create a unique set of offerings according to the wedding customs of their region and family traditions.

The Engagement Ceremony, also known as the proposal or betrothal, plays an essential role in Vietnamese wedding customs. It serves as the official announcement of the union between two families. In the northern regions, the groom's family presents an odd number of ceremonial gifts, such as 5, 7, 9, or 11, while in the southern regions, an even number is preferred. The bride's family determines the types and number of gifts. Common items include betel leaves, areca nuts, wine, green rice flakes, tea, lotus seeds, sticky rice cakes, fruits, and pork, with variations depending on the family circumstances.

On the set date, the groom's family, including elders, the groom’s parents, and the groom himself, will carry the engagement gifts to the bride’s family home, accompanied by young unmarried men. Likewise, the bride’s family arranges for unmarried young women to help carry the gifts. During this ceremony, the bride wears traditional attire while the groom dons a suit.

The engagement ritual takes place at the bride's house, where tea and snacks are prepared for both families' relatives. Once everyone is settled, representatives from both families exchange greetings and offer their blessings for the couple's union. Afterward, when both families have agreed on the wedding plans, the bride's parents lead the couple upstairs for a ceremony where they light incense, offer prayers to the bride’s ancestors, and announce the upcoming wedding. The final step involves the couple introducing themselves to both families, serving tea, and offering betel leaves to the guests.

Many scholars believe that the engagement ceremony holds even greater significance than the wedding procession and reception. This is because, during the engagement, the groom’s family presents the official proposal to the bride’s family. The bride's family then accepts the gifts, signaling their approval of the marriage and welcoming the groom into their family. From this moment on, the couple is officially considered engaged, eagerly awaiting the wedding day to make their union known to friends and relatives.

The Bride's Request Ceremony is a brief but meaningful tradition in Vietnamese culture, held just before the wedding procession. This ritual symbolizes the groom's respect for the bride's family, acting as a formal request for her to join his family as their daughter-in-law. Over time, this ceremony has become more straightforward. Today, the groom’s family simply presents gifts to the bride’s family, engages in a discussion, and formally seeks the ancestors' blessing for the bride’s transfer to the groom’s home. While small, this ritual still requires the proper gifts and customs.

The gifts for this ceremony are simple yet significant. They are placed in a small red box, and alongside the essential betel leaves and wine, a pair of cakes is included to represent the balance of Yin and Yang. The use of paired items conveys a wish for the couple to remain united for life. Common cakes for this ceremony include green sticky rice cakes or groom-and-bride cakes, though in some areas, bánh chưng and bánh dày are chosen, symbolizing a wish for the couple’s love to be complete and enduring.

During the ceremony, when the groom’s family visits the bride’s home, the groom’s mother presents the gift tray with betel leaves and wine to formally ask for the bride’s hand. Upon receiving the gifts, the bride’s family places them on the family altar, lights incense, and notifies the ancestors of the joyful news, seeking their blessings for the couple. Once the ceremony concludes, the groom’s family politely departs to prepare for the next steps in the wedding.