Daily Reading 9/5

Let’s admit it, we all assess each other’s relationships

At the core is something universally human: the desire to understand (giải quyết) how we’re doing

According to the New York Times, the latest trend in relationships is the “unimoon”: couples getting married and then going on separate honeymoons. Like some other lifestyle trends (has anyone ever actually attended a gender reveal party?), it’s uncertain if this is truly a trend. Nevertheless, it’s something some people opt for. As one newly married individual (mới cưới) explained: “Neither of us wanted to be in the same place as the other.” Anyone who’s truthful about their long-term relationship will recognize that such thoughts recur (lặp đi lặp lại) occasionally, but immediately after getting married? It’s difficult not to ponder if the desire for a unimoon could signify contemplating leaving your partner behind for a more extended period, perhaps indefinitely.

But nowadays, expressing such views carries the risk of being accused of the contemporary sin of Judging Other People’s Relationships – something repeatedly emphasized in various articles, which we’re told we should absolutely avoid. (In social media jargon (ngôn ngữ), it’s seen as a form of “monitoring (kiểm soát)”, always negative unless you’re the one accusing others of it; monitoring others for monitoring is apparently acceptable.) The idea (ý kiến) that the private lives of others are none of our concern, though it would have puzzled (gây hoang mang) people in the past, is now unquestionable in everyday contexts. The notion that I might hold a viewpoint (giữ quan điểm) about your choice to have children or not, the age gap in your relationship, or your open marriage, seems somewhat outrageous (không thể chấp nhận được). Oddly enough, because the truth is that everyone judges others' relationships all the time.

“What we eagerly seek to understand,” as stated in a blog post from the School of Life, is: “Are other people facing similar challenges as we are?” Anyone with even a hint of insecurity or curiosity can’t simply dismiss others' private lives as irrelevant, as they provide valuable treasure troves of insights into how people navigate life’s difficulties. And this speculation naturally leads to judgment, because, as essayist Tim Kreider has written, we nervously evaluate (đánh giá) “how everyone else’s decisions have turned out, to reassure ourselves that our own are validated (chấp nhận được) – that, in some way, we’re succeeding.” Of course, such judgments should generally be kept to oneself. Moreover, this is all based on a ludicrous double standard since we only perceive our own relationships – the best and worst aspects – from within, skewing our perceptions. Yet, at the heart of this urge to judge lies something universally human: the desire to understand how we’re faring in a world where confusion often outweighs clarity.

There’s greater wisdom in another popular saying (câu nói), that what others think about you (and your relationships) is none of your concern. While not entirely accurate, it underscores something crucial: to the extent possible, it’s better to detach your happiness from external judgments than to spend your days striving to ensure that others view you positively. Because unless they’ve made exactly the same life choices as you, they almost certainly won’t.

VOCABULARY HIGHLIGHTS

newlywed : recently married=> the newly-wed couple

recur: to happen again or a number of times=> This theme recurs several times throughout the book.

lingo: expressions used by a particular group of people=> baseball lingo

policing: the activity of controlling an industry, an activity, etc. to make sure that people obey the rules=> the policing of legislation

notion: an idea, a belief or an understanding of something => a political system based on the notions of equality and liberty

baffle: to confuse somebody completely; to be too difficult or strange for somebody to understand or explain=> His behaviour baffles me.

harbour: to keep feelings or thoughts, especially negative ones, in your mind for a long time=> The arsonist may harbour a grudge against the company.

size up: (informal) => to form a judgement or an opinion about somebody/something

vindicated: to prove that something is true or that you were right to do something, especially when other people had a different opinion=> I have every confidence that this decision will be fully vindicated.