Buzz
Though jealousy and envy are both negative emotions tied to desiring what others have, they aren’t the same. Do you feel jealous or envious when you see your friend’s perfect hair, your colleague’s recent promotion, or your partner’s growing bond with someone who seems a bit more attractive than you?
Envy stems from wanting something that belongs to someone else
Envy is a simpler concept, so let’s begin there. It refers to a situation where someone possesses something you wish you had, but don’t.
In this scenario, the focus is on the possessions or attributes someone else has, rather than your personal feelings about them. You might feel envious of their qualities, such as their self-assurance, their sense of style, their car, or their lucrative job that allows them to enjoy vacations, while you’re stuck working hard at home.
Your emotions about this situation can be quite layered. Perhaps you're resentful because you lack what they have, or maybe you were content with your life until you noticed they were doing better. Ultimately, envy revolves around wanting what is out of your reach.
Jealousy involves perceiving a threat to something you value.
When you feel jealous, it’s more than simply wanting something you don't have. Quite often, you may already possess what you desire, but the emotion stems from feeling vulnerable, threatened, or betrayed.
This feeling often appears in relationships: you're content with your partner, but someone else starts showing interest in them. The fear is that your partner might prefer this new person. At the core, jealousy arises from a sense of insecurity, fearing you might lose your partner.
It’s often said that jealousy involves three people, whereas envy only affects two. However, this isn’t entirely accurate. Jealousy can emerge in non-romantic situations as well. For instance, if you have a work competitor, and even though you’re outperforming them, they’ve been with the company longer, they may fear you’ll receive a promotion or an opportunity they believe they deserve. That’s still jealousy.
It’s also important to note that jealousy can be a personality trait, and in such cases, it can signal potential issues in a relationship, possibly even abuse. If your boyfriend is constantly suspicious of the people you associate with, constantly checks up on you to the point of intrusiveness, and tries to stop you from having independent relationships, that’s unacceptable. A person with a healthy relationship mindset won’t act with such possessiveness or insecurity.
Getting back to how we describe these emotions: it is possible to feel both jealousy and envy simultaneously. In the song “Jolene,” the singer is jealous because she fears Jolene may take her partner, but she also seems envious of Jolene’s auburn hair and emerald green eyes.
The phrase 'jealous of' can, in fact, mean 'envious of.'
To add a bit of confusion—sorry about that!—we often say we're 'jealous of' things we really envy. For instance, if someone tells you they had a wonderful meal, an enjoyable vacation, or a restful sleep, and you casually reply 'I’m so jealous,' you’re expressing envy (as explained above). This is a historically common use of the word jealous, so it's not exactly 'wrong'—but now you know that 'envious' is the more accurate word for what you mean.
