Buzz
While some people find it easy to start conversations with strangers at places like the supermarket checkout or on public transport, initiating small talk isn't second nature for everyone—especially those struggling with social anxiety. Even for those who are confident in social settings, initiating a conversation requires some effort and can often feel a bit awkward.
Luckily, there are various techniques and strategies that can ease the process of starting a conversation, such as the 'FORD' method.
What exactly is the FORD method?
One of the toughest parts of engaging in small talk is figuring out what to talk about. This is where the FORD method proves useful. "FORD" stands for four universal topics that can help guide conversations:
Family
Occupation
Recreation
Dreams
Typically, I'd give credit to the originators of the FORD method, but unfortunately, I couldn't track down any clear information about where the technique comes from.
Think of the FORD method as a memory aid when you're stuck in small talk. Remember, it's a tool, not a strict rule: You don't need to address every category, nor do they need to be in any specific order. Some categories may be more relevant than others depending on the situation, so be mindful of the context. For example, when engaging in professional small talk with strangers, it’s best to avoid overly personal questions, like those related to family. However, at a holiday gathering with your partner's family, where you know someone has a child, asking about her well-being is probably acceptable.
It's your job to read the situation and the person you're talking to, but here are a few basic questions to get you started for each category:
Family
"Do you have any siblings?" (If it feels natural, you can ask follow-up questions like, "Are you close with them?" or "What are they like?" or "Do you see them often?")
"How's your [mother, father, aunt, etc.] doing?" (Assuming you've met them before or the person has mentioned them.)
"Do you have family nearby?"
"How did you and your partner meet?"
Occupation
"What’s your job?" followed by one or more of these possible questions:
"How long have you been working in this field?"
"How does that role work?"
"What made you choose this career path?"
"What do you enjoy most about your work?"
Recreation
"What are some of your favorite activities outside of your professional life?"
"Have you come across any interesting books recently?"
"What’s the most captivating TV show or movie you’ve seen lately?"
"Do you follow any particular sports teams or events?"
"Are there any podcasts you’ve been enjoying these days?"
Aspirations
"What’s a dream destination you’ve always wanted to visit?"
"What’s one experience you’ve been wanting to try for a while?"
When to apply the FORD method
The FORD method is especially helpful in informal settings where you’re looking to make a connection with someone, according to Courtney Morgan, a licensed professional clinical counselor (LPCC) and the founder of Counseling Unconditionally, a mental health therapy practice located in Louisville, Kentucky.
"Essentially, I view it as making the most of 'waiting periods' to build connections," she says. This could occur in a professional scenario—such as waiting for a meeting to start—or in more informal situations, like walking in the same direction as someone you know, or waiting to pick up a take-out order. Additionally, Morgan mentions that the FORD method can be particularly helpful when trying to collect information.
"This could relate to a company you're considering interviewing with, a school you might want to send your children to, or joining a club," she adds. "It’s a great tool for evaluating if an organization aligns with your personal values."
When to steer clear of the FORD method
As the FORD method involves asking open-ended questions and paying close attention to responses, Morgan points out that it’s not ideal when you or the other person are in a rush, facing a time constraint, or in an environment that isn’t conducive to a conversation (such as a busy restaurant). "In these situations, the person you’re talking to is less likely to engage and could even become irritated," she explains.
