How to Deal with Jealous and Resentful People

When someone feels inferior or disrespected, they often show signs of jealousy and resentment. This can create awkward situations and may make you feel uneasy about your own success. However, you can still cultivate positive relationships by openly communicating with those who are envious and applying strategies to help them overcome their feelings of jealousy.

Don't take things personally. Understand that when someone is jealous of you, it’s their issue, not yours. Stay confident in yourself and don't let their jealousy affect your self-esteem or cause you to doubt yourself.

• Keep doing what you're doing and don't let anyone stop you.
• Focus on the people who support you.
• Remind yourself that they are jealous because you are succeeding.

Ignore envious comments. Though it may be difficult, ignoring the remarks of those who harbor jealousy is a way to show that you don't encourage their feelings.

Confront the jealous person directly in your life. If ignoring someone isn't possible, dealing with the situation head-on can help defuse the envy. Have an honest conversation about their behavior.

• "I hope we can have a positive working relationship; is there anything I can do to improve the situation?"
• "I value your constructive criticism, but sometimes I feel that it is a bit too harsh."

Avoid negative interactions with envious people. If you can change your environment or social activities, you may reduce the chances of that person influencing you.

• Engage with those who support you, so the envious person will have less chance to attack you when you’re in a group.
• When you see that person, politely greet them first, then walk away.
• Make friends with their friends to make them feel excluded.

Alter your schedule to avoid meeting them. Take a different route, use a bathroom on another floor, or see if you can change your class or work shift.

Set boundaries. Don't feel like you have to tolerate everything a jealous person throws at you. You should establish boundaries to create distance. Set a limit in your mind for how much time you will spend with them, and then politely remove yourself from the conversation.

• Give yourself one minute when talking to them, then walk away and say, 'I have something I need to do.'
• Count the negative remarks, and after three such comments, end the conversation.

Make it clear that you won't tolerate negativity. While you may not want to be rude or escalate the situation, you can encourage a jealous person to change their behavior by letting them know how their actions make you feel.

• "I feel uncomfortable with the way you speak to me."
• "The way you behave when we talk makes me uneasy. Could we improve this?"

Rise above jealousy and resentment. Even if the person shows negativity, it’s important to maintain a positive attitude towards them. Show them how to handle situations better by setting an example.

• Compliment their positive qualities.
• Always be polite in your interactions with them.
• Offer to help them improve skills in areas where they feel envious of you.

Talk to them about your struggles. Some people think they are the only ones who face tough situations. By opening up about your challenges, you help the jealous person realize that they aren't the only one going through hard times, which can improve your relationship.

• Share your failures with them.
• Discuss tasks that you find difficult.
• Ask the jealous person for help with something to boost their confidence.

Help them improve themselves. Jealousy often comes from feelings of inferiority. By offering to mentor or guide them in areas where they envy your skills, you can ease those feelings. Support their efforts so that you don’t come off as condescending by implying you are better than they are.

Offer alternative solutions. If someone feels jealous about what you have or what you're doing, suggest other options for them. We can’t always provide what others want, but you can creatively come up with alternatives for the person who is jealous. Try offering multiple choices for them to consider.

Avoid posting provocative comments or images on social media. You don’t need to stop using social media, but being mindful of how others feel can help ensure that what you post doesn’t come off as irritating or fuel jealousy.

Understand jealousy. People become jealous when they see someone with something they believe should belong to them. Those who are jealous often blame others around them, without realizing that the emotion itself is what harms them.

Identify the root cause of the person's jealousy. Jealousy often stems from fear. The fear of being overlooked or not being loved can have a major impact. It’s important to identify which fear is fueling the jealousy to understand its origin. Jealousy can arise from various factors:

• Material possessions
• Personal relationships
• Career position
• Social status

Ask directly about what is bothering them. Gently approach the person who seems envious of your success and ask them why. Avoid being rude or making them more upset, but maintain an open and direct attitude for the best results. You can try one of the following suggestions to help them open up:

• "I’ve noticed that your attitude seems different when I’m around. Did I do something to upset you?"
• "I just want to make sure I’m not causing any frustration. Is everything okay?"
• "You’re a sharp person, and I’d like to know if there’s something between us that’s causing a problem."

Consider the source of the behavior. Reflect on the person making what you perceive as envious comments. If that person is your boss or coach, they may be trying to help you improve, not put you down.

Observe how they interact with others. Some people tend to have paranoid jealousy. These individuals may continuously express resentment without fully understanding the impact of their words.

Be open to receiving constructive criticism. Even if someone’s feedback feels blunt or rude, you can still accept it as valuable input. Appreciate the suggestions and maintain a positive outlook.

• If someone is envious of you, understand that you must be doing something right. Use this as motivation to continue excelling.
• Do not share personal information with people who are overly self-centered. These individuals are just waiting for any negative information to manipulate how others perceive you. Keep your distance and avoid sharing anything with them. If they are close family, talk about them instead of yourself.
• Remember, jealous people are simply those who harbor negative views about what others possess, such as talent or passion. It’s not about their character.
• You don’t need to change! Just be yourself!